^^^^sounds like she has a financial problem(s) as a result of leaving. this is not your issue/concern unless you choose to make it that. I personally would not live under the same roof as my STBX or estranged spouse (however you want to see this)unless we were working on the M and there was NO ONE ELSE IN the M at that time. Your kids are old enough that this would be more confusing (IMHO) than just staying apart.
me: 47, W:49 M 16.5 years T 17 years Three kids - D17,D14, S13 Heart 2 heart about M 11/8/13 Bomb drop 11/29/13 W moved out 12/5/13 I Retained L 2/20/14 D filed 3/17/14
me: 47, W:49 M 16.5 years T 17 years Three kids - D17,D14, S13 Heart 2 heart about M 11/8/13 Bomb drop 11/29/13 W moved out 12/5/13 I Retained L 2/20/14 D filed 3/17/14
Hey Life, I can't say that I've heard this one before. W wants to date you while living with you but doesn't want it to be exclusive? I don't think I could live with that unless she was seeing only me. If my W asked me this I would say I am only interested in a monogamous relationship, but in that case would be willing to explore it. Thats just setting a boundary instead of criticizing the idea.
However I still think it was a crazy suggestion from her.
M: 43 W: 43 Married 6 yrs. T: 7 yrs. Son 20, 18, 17, 15 yrs. (w/ Autism), 12, 10
That is my gut feeling too.I know the kids think it is just weird. I was upset with my wife because she brought up this crazy idea in front of the kids. I told her that this is inappropriate to discuss in front of them and should be a private conversation.
Hi Bunches,
Yes it is a crazy idea on her part. Especially because she does not want to date me, just other people. She views this as moving forward. I did tell her that I would only move in with her if we were moving forward with a reconciliation and had moved along that path far enough. I told her it would be just us and no dating others at that point. She got very frustrated at that point and told me that I was selfish, that it was a slap in her face, etc. I think it may be a true MLC that I am dealing with and the craziness associated with it. I will let her deal with her financial situation herself at this point. I think everything is coming to a head.
Twisting on Life's Rope Me53 W53 M20 D21 D19 D16 BD 2-2013 D final 1-2015 _________________________ "Dream about tomorrow, Live for today, Learn from yesterday"
brings it up in front of the kids?!? How blatantly disrespectful of her, and a poor example you would set for the kids (whilst losing there respect) if you were to go through with it…or even consider it. Be willing to lead…and be willing to lose her, for at least a short while. I'm sorry you're in this.
I agree and that is why I told her only under the condition of working on marriage. Unfortunately she will see this as a problem she has accused me of, of only seeing things in black and white. I am willing to lose her over this. I don't feel that anyone with some self respect would agree to this kind of arrangement. I have decided to let her deal with her financial situation and only offer guidance if asked but not bail her out. This was part of the problem of the past. If she hates me for it then she has not grown from this experience and would not be a good idea to get back together till she has.
Twisting on Life's Rope Me53 W53 M20 D21 D19 D16 BD 2-2013 D final 1-2015 _________________________ "Dream about tomorrow, Live for today, Learn from yesterday"
For her to bring this up in front of thr kids almost seems like she's expecting their support. My stbx used to do the same thing sbout buying a new house. She'd tell the kids we were going to look at this place and get them all hyped uup and then I'd be the "bad guy" when I'd have to say we couldn't afford it...not the kids decision or business....same is true with your M
me: 47, W:49 M 16.5 years T 17 years Three kids - D17,D14, S13 Heart 2 heart about M 11/8/13 Bomb drop 11/29/13 W moved out 12/5/13 I Retained L 2/20/14 D filed 3/17/14
Ouch LT. I can't even fathom saying something so ridiculous in front of children. I do appreciate you sharing how you handled the sitch and I think some of the details pertain to me as my spouse keeps saying they want to find someone "they" want/need rather than waiting for me to finish changing. Very odd cuz of our age, small town we live and work etc. Looking for perfection where non exists but oh well.
W-37 Me-37 M-16yrs & 5days W "Done" Day = Valentine Day 2014 D-8/13/2014 S16 S13 S11 D8
I have decided to talk to a coach about how to handle this as it is just crazy. Until I can talk to one I have decided to go completely no contact with the wife. I will continue contact with the kids via text and phone for now. If she texts or emails about kids I will respond if necessary otherwise no contact. I think she has to see what she will be up against. I will continue to work on myself and gal stuff.
Twisting on Life's Rope Me53 W53 M20 D21 D19 D16 BD 2-2013 D final 1-2015 _________________________ "Dream about tomorrow, Live for today, Learn from yesterday"
So, I just signed up for coaching. I am in need of coaching on how to move forward at this point. I have my first session this saturday.
The issue I am dealing with has to do with her lack of handlig her finances and and my dbing. She has messed her finances up so bad she is waiting for my weekly support check in order to get food for her and the kids. Her solution was for me to move in as a roomate. I told her no, unless we were working on the marriage. She got angry at this. So now I have just stopped communication with her. What do I do if she can't afford food even? I figure I will offer to have the kids come over to eat, but not offer same to her. I think I have to do this as she still looks to me to bail her out and if I do I would not be doing a 180 but rather what I always did.
So, I am hoping the coach will help me put a plan together and help with dealing with some of this.
Twisting on Life's Rope Me53 W53 M20 D21 D19 D16 BD 2-2013 D final 1-2015 _________________________ "Dream about tomorrow, Live for today, Learn from yesterday"
