I got notice that the D was fully dismissed today, so the divorce is gone for realz! W asks often for counseling, and has expressed continued interest in counseling, etc, so figured it might be time to move over here.
Fortunately, you now have the opportunity to work on your relationship. There is so much that can be done with the help of a Divorce Busting Coach. I strongly suggest that you speak to one of our coaches. We can help you get your marriage back on track. I would be happy to discuss our coaching program. Please call us at 303-444-7004.
Roberta, Resource Coordinator The Divorce Busting Center 303-444-7004 Roberta@divorcebusting.com
I have followed your entire thread from the beginning and am so glad you have made it this far.
How did the Christmas Holidays go?
Have you taken that suggestion to read tbe 5 Love Languages book yet?
You both need to work continuously on meeting each others most important Emotional Needs. That questionnaire can be found on another site if you search for it.
Please keep posting. It's good to read about someone on the way towards a Recovered Marriage.
AITL
Me, 55 W, 36 T, 10 yrs S-9 M, 8 yrs 1st D-Day, 9-27-2009, With 1st bf, ea/pa 2nd D-Day, 12-5-2009, With her best friends bf, ea/pa W, AA relapse early 2009-Current W moved out 2-16-2012 New OM 5-2012
Hi Jon, that is great news - so glad to see you are over here now. I have no advice for you since I am only hoping to be in your shoes someday; just wanted to stop by and say hi.
me: 44 XH: 42 M 11 years D10 and S8 Bomb drop 9/27/13 D final 7/1/14
It has been awhile since I've posted, 10 days! I used to post 3 times a day.
It honestly is harder working on R than on DBing. I feel like it takes a week for us to get through one tiny misunderstanding ~ and W is WAY behind me. If she gets the tiniest bit stressed or upset, she'll say, "I'm done, I quit, get out, just file your papers".
A day later, she'll say, "I was just stressed and worn out and didn't mean that. I love you, and I want us to figure things out."
M35 XW34 D5 D4 M 6years T 10years Bomb 5/2013 Joint Petition signed 6/2013 Moved out end of 8/2013 Court Hearing of Joint Petition 9/2013 D finalized in 3 months - no news yet
Was she always quick to "quit"? If not, then to me it sounds like y'all got back together too early. She still has confusion or uneasiness about something in the relationship.
Me: 43 W: 37 Together: 18 M: 15 D: 8 yrs old ILYBNILWY: March 2011 She Filed for D: August 2011 She moved out: Sept 1, 2011 Reconciled: May 2012 Divorce Case dropped: July 2012
@NTX - No, just very volatile emotionally. I think the BD was more than just a relationship problem, but indicative of severe emotional problems, almost a nervous breakdown. W even says she was "messed up in the head", felt completely numb, felt totally on auto-pilot, etc.
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I should note there are positive steps. Although she is a hot-head, she is much better at getting over stuff. Minutes now, whereas before it could be hours or even days.
She also readily admits that she has failed at most relationships, including family and friends, and really needs help. We made it through the holidays with only one explosion, and it was stupid, and dealt with.
My kids are struggling really hard though. They do NOT want us back together, they don't like W because she has been so awful to them. Unfortunately, even though she's working on it, W is still very guarded and aloof, and they sense it, and it makes it even worse.
It's something we'll discuss in counseling, but I'm not sure what to do, other than maybe try to keep things very slow, and try to do fun things at first to keep it light. Anyone else piecing had this issue with the kids?
I wish I could help on that one. We have a daughter together, and of course she wanted us back together, so we didn't experience that issue.
Me: 43 W: 37 Together: 18 M: 15 D: 8 yrs old ILYBNILWY: March 2011 She Filed for D: August 2011 She moved out: Sept 1, 2011 Reconciled: May 2012 Divorce Case dropped: July 2012
Rough rough night. I was in a bad mood, dunno why, and sorta took it out on W a little because I found out the password she gave me to her ATT account didn't work. I haven't even looked at it in like 3 weeks, but it made me nervous. W swore she hadn't changed it, but I'm pretty sure it doesn't change by itself. I then saw that OM had tried to call her on Christmas Eve, but at least the call was "cancelled" which means she hit the hang up button. Unfortunately, I think the stress of piecing kinda boiled over, and it was a pretty good tussle.
The issue is that this happens, and we've come far enough that the next day we're usually fine, but it ALWAYS has to be me that comes and says I'm sorry, and hugs it out, and then she'll apologize and do the same. If I didn't do it, she would probably do the cold shoulder angry/nasty thing for weeks; and I don't think I'm exaggerating. Weird that someone can be so hard and stubborn.
I guess if I have to do some of the heavy lifting until she gets emotional help, then that's my lot... Counseling Friday at 11:00am.
