I can't remember if I mentioned I bought S11 a minibike for his bday. For those of you who are a bit older you might remember the Taco minibikes from the 60's/ 70's. They're back in production making the same bike they made back then. It's a kit, but there's not much to putting it together. S11 and I have been working on it an hour or two each evening. I'm letting him do as much of the work as possible and he LOVES it. I don't think I've ever seen him so excited about something!
Wonka- Old Fairy, OF? Oh man that gave me a good laugh I am a great cook, as long as we're talking about taking something out of the freezer and sticking it in the microwave. I'm a master at that! I do enjoy decorating around the house though, I'm a licensed architect and interior designer so it kind of goes with the territory
I've just got to share something while it's on my mind. I was eating dinner with my D's last night. W was taking S11 to bball practice. S11 was tired and whiny and didn't want to go, so what does W do? She dials my number and hands the phone to S11 and makes it MY responsibility to talk him into going (which I did). Then I hang up and mention to my D's that I don't understand why W is calling me for this, and they both said it's because he never listens to W.
I have that "daddy voice" that is stern but not angry, when the kids are acting up I can say a few words and it gets their attention quickly. Do they like it? No, because it takes them away from their video game or texting or sleeping and makes them do their homework or chore or wake up or whatever it is they're SUPPOSED to be doing.
After BD my W criticized me for it, saying "the kids don't like it when you talk to them that way." And yet, before BD if she couldn't get them to do something then it was "AS, can you tell S to go take a shower?" Or "AS, can you tell D to do her homework?" I would even say "why don't you ask them?" And she would say "because they never listen to me!"
So before BD it was a benefit, after BD it was me being bossy, controlling and maybe even "mean". And yet, even in S she's leaning on me for that. Hmmmm. Anyway, my point is that we don't always have to do 180's on every one of the WAS's gripes, because the WAS will even take beneficial qualities of the LBS's and make them sound negative.
S11 had a choir performance before his bball practice. Both D's went with me to watch it and W said she'd meet us there. It was a really, really cute Christmas performance, they had the stage set up as a 50's diner and some of the kids were dressed for it (S11 had his "Fonzie" leather jacket on). S11 had several speaking lines and executed them perfectly!
It was about a 30 minute program and W was 15 minutes late and missed ALL of S11's speaking lines (rolls eyes)
On another note- BRING ON THE VACATION!!!!! I'm at work for a few more hours, then not back until 01-02, woohoo! When D's and I ate last night we talked about things we could do on vacation, so far we're going to see the Hobbit, go to a drive-through Christmas light display (we've done this every couple of years since they were little) and go to the ICE! exhibit at the Gaylord Texan in Grapevine. Let's get the party started
Oh the drama So I mentioned that we're going to ICE! next week. W really enjoyed it last year, she was the one that set it up. I have the kids all next week and am also on vacation while W only gets Christmas eve and Christmas day off, so she is not going to get to see the kids except when she comes over to my house on Christmas day. So I thought I'd invite her to ICE! so that she'd get to participate in something fun with the kids. The kids also asked me if she was going when we were talking about it, so I told them I would invite her. She replied back "no, but thanks for the offer" which is totally fine by me, it frees us up to go during the day when it's not as busy. I texted the girls and told them W wasn't going and that we could go whenever we wanted, and to figure out when they want to go.
Then last night D17 comes by the house and tells me she's mad at W. She said W had scheduled them to go to some kind of concert, but D19's college roommate wanted to go so W wanted D17 to give up her ticket. D17 said "I thought you had an extra ticket, what happened to that?" W just looked at her, and D17 said "what, OM is going??? Why does OM have to go to EVERYTHING? And what's up with ICE? Why aren't you going?" No response from W. "You're not going because dad is going, is that it?" W- "yes". D17- "It's not like it's a date or something, he invited you so we could do something as a FAMILY! Do you remember your FAMILY?" Ouch. I tried explaining to D17 that we're really not a family anymore and that W doesn't see us as a family either, and I also tried explaining to her that I didn't invite W for that reason, but just so she could spend some time with them.
After D17 left I called W and told her that I had talked to D17 and she told me about the blowup, that I knew she wasn't going to get to spend any time with the kids next week and so I invited her along for that reason and not to be a "family". I told her I explained that to D17 as well. I told her that personally I don't care what she does with OM, but that the kids care a LOT about her activities with him and they resent it a LOT. I said they talk about that to me a lot and she replied "really?" Like she was genuinely surprised. I told her that I'm not telling her what to do, but that she should consider the kids and their feelings.
So there it is, 18 months post-BD and W refuses an invitation to something with the kids just because mean ol' AS will be there, LOL!
Last night W was running late once again, wasn't able to pick up S11 until 8:00. He told me he didn't want to go with her. I told him that was fine, but he needed to call W. He called her and she tried to talk him into going to her house and I overheard him say "but all you do is sleep all weekend, you don't do anything with me at all." I'm not sure I've mentioned that, but ever since W's menopause started she sleeps until anywhere between noon and 2 pm every Saturday and Sunday. Both W and the kids have told me this. The girls tend to sleep in too, but S12 gets up no later than 9:00 usually, so he's the only one awake over there for hours. Anyway, W finally gave up and told him to stay here.
S11 and I finished his minibike last night! He was so excited he made me go out at 10:30 on a super-cold night just to get gas for it We started it up and he took it for a short circuit around the drive before putting it away because it was sprinkling and he didn't want it to get wet. He then sent a text to W and the girls telling them it was done, then sent a pic of it to them and told them he had named it "silverwind" (it's powder-coated silver). Then he warned them not to scratch the paint, ROTFLOL! Chip off the ol' block
Wow! What a mean mean man you are!!! Your poor wife, she's probably a really nice person....(somewhere wayyyyy deep deep down inside)and probably only when she is sleeping....
LOL 2old! I know, right? I'm like Hellboy, I have to saw my devil-horns off every night so no one knows the truth!
Took the kids to the painting class today, we had so much fun and dang these kids are talented! I've always been pretty artistic but they certainly give me a run for it! I've taken the D's to a class before, but S11 had never been. He had a blast!
I just got caught up on your new thread. It now seems that your former forgiving and near unconditional love for your W has been replaced by anger at how the WW is dismissive of the kids needs and feelings, along with your own indifference or ambivalence gaining steam.
It gets old to continue to be the punching bag for someone elses choices. I feel you needed to send that portion of the letter for yourself and your own personal boundaries.
You were not vindictive or placing guilt or shame upon your W, so recognize and feel good about defining your stance and last resort boundary.
In regards to that book by Dr. Willard Harley of the Marriage Builders Forum, His Needs, Her Needs.....
Dr. Harley himself states that this particular book is not appropriate for a Wayward Spouse's current foggy mindset. It allows for the WS to justify all of their many Emotional Needs that were not being met.
I also agree that there are a significant amount of WS's that refuse to acknowledge the changes so many LB Spouses have made. (They only realize it when it is too late for the LBS to still desire to R)
Oh well, i hope your Christmas vacation is filled with fun and joy with your chdren.
Take Care,
AITL
Me, 55 W, 36 T, 10 yrs S-9 M, 8 yrs 1st D-Day, 9-27-2009, With 1st bf, ea/pa 2nd D-Day, 12-5-2009, With her best friends bf, ea/pa W, AA relapse early 2009-Current W moved out 2-16-2012 New OM 5-2012
Happy New Year everyone I had a really great vacation, spent a lot of time with the kids over the Christmas break. They are now on a ski trip with W, I'm happy for them that they were able to do that as the kids have never been skiing. I'm not sure whether OM went along, I'm guessing he probably did but I don't really care one way or the other.
I met a woman over the break that has made me rethink my attitude about never getting married again. I'm not sure if I've mentioned it in my threads, but to this point I felt like I may not ever get married again because I just couldn't see blending my kids and someone else's kids into a "new" family, especially with two of my kids being older. Then I met this lady. She's just a bit younger than me, extremely intelligent and kind, never married, no kids, beautiful. We've only been out twice but we've connected like no one else I've gone out with over the last 6+ months. I just never thought I'd meet someone I was compatible with that didn't have kids, but now that I have I can see what a perfect fit it could be. Not that she is "the one", but she has made me realize that even if she isn't, the possibilities are out there Save the 2x4's, I'm not saying I'm running off and getting married or even getting serious with this lady after only 2 dates, just that she has changed my perception of what my future path may be.
Originally Posted By: Am I Too Late
It now seems that your former forgiving and near unconditional love for your W has been replaced by anger at how the WW is dismissive of the kids needs and feelings, along with your own indifference or ambivalence gaining steam.
Maybe I've posted some misleading info, because I certainly don't feel any anger towards W. I've posted a lot about my D's anger towards her, perhaps there's some confusion that I share those feelings? But I don't. However, you are quite right about the indifference/ ambivalence. One of the DB'ers posted a Facebook comment about his current feelings for his W, and I posted that I love my W as the mother of my kids and someone I spent a quarter century with, but I'm not in love with her anymore. I said it's not something I wanted, or tried to do, it just happened. And it doesn't bring me pleasure or relief, in fact it's more disappointing that I've lost all feelings for her.
Quote:
In regards to that book by Dr. Willard Harley of the Marriage Builders Forum, His Needs, Her Needs.....
Dr. Harley himself states that this particular book is not appropriate for a Wayward Spouse's current foggy mindset. It allows for the WS to justify all of their many Emotional Needs that were not being met.
Ah, thanks for the clarification. Perhaps that's why she was drawn to it, it gives her some justification for what she's been doing. That is, if she's even reading it. I just saw it on her nightstand, she's never been much of a reader and tends to buy or be given books and read 10 or so pages before putting it into nightstand purgatory, LOL!
Quote:
Oh well, i hope your Christmas vacation is filled with fun and joy with your chdren.
Thank you, it was awesome! Being back at work today is not so awesome, haha!
Just wanted to add a comment that I thought about changing my "handle" here because I'm not standing for my M anymore and haven't been for a while. But whenever others here have changed their handle, it always confuses the heck out of me So I'm going to leave it as-is, and beg forgiveness from those who feel it's an inappropriate handle given my status.
I am a great cook, as long as we're talking about taking something out of the freezer and sticking it in the microwave. I'm a master at that! I do enjoy decorating around the house though, I'm a licensed architect and interior designer so it kind of goes with the territory 
So I mentioned that we're going to ICE! next week. W really enjoyed it last year, she was the one that set it up. I have the kids all next week and am also on vacation while W only gets Christmas eve and Christmas day off, so she is not going to get to see the kids except when she comes over to my house on Christmas day. So I thought I'd invite her to ICE! so that she'd get to participate in something fun with the kids. The kids also asked me if she was going when we were talking about it, so I told them I would invite her. She replied back "no, but thanks for the offer" which is totally fine by me, it frees us up to go during the day when it's not as busy. I texted the girls and told them W wasn't going and that we could go whenever we wanted, and to figure out when they want to go.