I am new to the forum. Please excuse me if this info is in here and I just couldn't find it. I have Michele's books. I want to read more about men in the midlife crisis to understand what he going through. I am fresh in the mix. 3 weeks in. I just would like to know what I can expect in terms of his journey and how to prepare for it. Can anyone recommend books that helped them through it?
Me=42/H=43 D=6 Both teachers in the same schools Bomb #1= May 9,2013 DBing coach started May 21, 2013 Currently not together during school summer break, still live in same home OW= 26
I was detaching and not calling. This freaked him out. He kept calling and crying. Says he is taking it slow and trying not to make any promises with her or me that will lock him into a path. He is coming to visit to see me and his daughter and attend a counseling session. It feels he is "fact finding" mode. Trying to gather information to make a decision. If I am detached, that will just reinforce his belief that I am cold, we can't connect, and I can't fill his needs. I feel like I'm between a rock and a hard place here. I know he is still talking to the OW and in his mind I can't compare because he is opening up to her in ways he stopped with me. HELP!
Me=42/H=43 D=6 Both teachers in the same schools Bomb #1= May 9,2013 DBing coach started May 21, 2013 Currently not together during school summer break, still live in same home OW= 26
Hi, I am glad you found us, but sorry for what you are going through. If you haven't talked to a DB coach yet, please do. They will help you get clarity and figure out the best course for you take. Your coach gives you step by step instruction on what to say and do that is most likely to help bring him closer to you and not push him further away. Please call me for more information. take good care
Karen, Resource Coordinator The Divorce Busting Center 303-444-7004 karen@divorcebusting.com
Give me a call if you'd like to schedule an appointment to speak with a Divorce Busting® Coach.
I am talking to a coach and it helps every time. I want to use the board for advise and support in the interim if I can. I have been reading posts to find similar situations.
Me=42/H=43 D=6 Both teachers in the same schools Bomb #1= May 9,2013 DBing coach started May 21, 2013 Currently not together during school summer break, still live in same home OW= 26
I am still in moderation but none of my more recent posts are getting approved. Am I doing something wrong?
Me=42/H=43 D=6 Both teachers in the same schools Bomb #1= May 9,2013 DBing coach started May 21, 2013 Currently not together during school summer break, still live in same home OW= 26
My H told me May 9th that he wanted out of the marriage, we had been become friends, and he wasn't in love anymore. He was thinking about death and afraid of ever being happy before he dies. Would rather live alone than feel this alone on our marriage. We can point to many causes of how we got here. Never reclaimed our relationship after our daughter was born (now 6), MLC, many causes creating a perfect storm. H began an emotional affair with 26 yr old at work who happens to be his former student who got PG in high school and her daughter is a playmate of our daughter. I left town for the summer (we are teachers) and he is pursuing this relationship with OW currently. His vision of the future is that He will get an apartment down the street and my daughter and I will stay in the house with everything the same. He will still walk her to school each morning and read to her some nights and we will be friends. We live in a VERY small town on a reservation. We all work in the schools. I am getting earfuls from the folks back home who see her car at my house 24/7, that she is bragging to other women about how long it will take for her to move in, how he walks her through the neighborhood in front of students and former students. Everyone knows (he believes he is being discreet and not cheating because they are putting the physical on hold until he is divorced). Do I go back to this town and let him see his vision in it's reality while I GAL or do I leave and spare my daughter the small town talk and taunts on the playground? Can daily contact with her father be a good thing when he is so messed up and making poor choices about what is best for her right now? I know I can take whatever he throws at me, because I am strong now. but what can my daughter take without it messing her up for life while she is developmentally at the stage where she is creating her view on marriage and love. I am talking with a coach but haven't gotten to this part with him yet. Would appreciate your advise and thoughts on my obligation to my child and chances of DBing success if I leave the town (move 5 hours away).
I am planning to return to town at end of summer (we are teachers). He is there now and continuing affair and says he cannot see any path of hope for us starting our marriage over. He says he went to get apartment down the road (we live in teacher compound on the reservation) but couldn't because his stomach physically hurt too much. I can't go back to town and live as i did those two weeks after he told me and while he is seeing her at night, calling emailing her in front of me until I left for summer break. I can;t live in those conditions AND still do GAL or the rules about being positive. It's soul crushing. But is encouraging his to get apartment pressuring him to decide? What do I do?
I am new to this. Have only been DBing for few months. I am talking to phone coach. I just don't feel I can wait the 2-3 years many of you have. I am all about GAL and taking the legal side slow, but I realize H has a LONG HARD journey with OW and himself and I right now I feel I don't want to go on that road. It's too long and negative. I am happy to do DBing steps for myself and my growth and IF something good should come out of it with him, great. But I don't want that to be my motive. I don't want to feel like I am waiting for him to see the light. I am learning more and more about his childhood and family and his personality that make me think he is too messed up for this to be anything less than several years. I feel I am at acceptance and ready to move on with my life. Are there any turnarounds within a year out there? How are you veteran's holding on so long and keeping yourself sane?
All your posts are now on this thread. Stick with it until you get to 100 posts.
I will come back later and try to give you some more advice.
To answer your question above by detaching and moving forward with our lives. Making a better US!
