If she goes thru with this how could I want her back?
My wife and I met in church. We had a very intimate friendship, though we never kissed until our wedding. (Neither of us were virgins going into the church.) We had great honeymoon, but things went downhill very quickly when we got home.
I have been rejected emotionally, physically, and sexually for 10 years. She has had a number of emotional/facebook affairs and served me with divorce papers. I'm willing to work it out with her and we are in counseling. People tell me that divorce isn't the end.
Here is the question that troubles me: I think I would be foolish to go into a 2nd marriage with a woman who went from meeting my needs while dating (emotional and physical) to caring nothing for my needs in our 1st marriage. Even if we rationalized having sex after divorce, I don't know what she could do to convince me she wouldn't change back into the woman who takes control of a relationship by rejecting a man and denying his needs. How do you ever trust someone who changed after the wedding?
My personal therapist said it sounds like she got married too soon. She basically went straight from her parent's home to our home. She treats me the way she sees her father treated. Her mother runs the home. Her father is put in his place and often ignored. I've seen him sit at the dinner table and have conversations that everyone pretends is not even happening. It feels so uncomfortable to see, I respond to him when it is apparent that no one else was going to.
When I would ask her to do something as simple as, when you see I am hurt emotionally, frustrated, or upset, just show some compassion. Put a hand on my back. Say it will be okay, that you believe in me. She says, "I can't."
Our first marriage counselor says she shows all the signs of someone who was abused. He even pulled me aside once and asked me, "I know she told me she was never abused, but has she ever shared anything with you?"
I'm not demanding sex here. We once went 18 months without sex immediately followed by 21 months without sex. Through it all I've remained the kind of guy who looks away or finds something else to do when a Victoria's Secret commercial comes on.
For a decade she has acted like she has no sensuality. I think she has done it to do exactly what she has seen her mother do, take control and put the man in his place. In doing so she has made herself so miserable that she wants out of the marriage. Now she is reading smut books, having facebook/text affairs and even lying to me about going out to meet men.
Am I perfect? No. But I do deserve to have my love reciprocated.
