(((T))) hello stranger!!! I haven't been on here in quite sometime, I think I just needed a break from it all, and have been so busy. I am finally taking some time to check in. I haven't gotten totally caught up on your sitch, but from the little I have read it seems like you are still doing awesome! I just wanted to say hello and keep rockin' T, I'm going to try to check in more often, but for right now I have to get back to baking, cupcakes for work tomorrow, (Coca Cola cupcakes with salted peanut butter frosting, I know you are dying to know what kind I'm baking this time LOL). Take care my friend, I'll check in again soon!
This is all well and good, but let's not start quoting Harry Nilsson's "You're breaking my heart."
Let's keep it positive, folks
No kidding! Good laugh though after looking up the song.....
Me-48,W-51 M-22,T-24 S- 18,16,9 Feb-Jul '11 Away from Home, after initial B date Aug-Dec '11 Back at Home on couch Dec '11-now Same bedroom, room mates only Dec '14 W files initial D paperwork
Thanks T! Things are going very well! I will write a long update soon. I have to tell you I thought about you a couple of weeks ago when it was time for me to dig out the hose reel and hook it back up LOL... No struggles this year H helped. Ahhh.... The joy of the simple things. Updates soon I promise, take care and keep being you, you are amazing!!
Not much in the way of any updates...I have matched W and turned the dimmer switch down, as she seems to be gone within. I have enough practice with this that it doesn't bother me. I quit watching the pot, as Snodderly advised...
I started taking Mucuna Pruriens again, an herbal mood enhancer, AD sorta thing, seems to be working to take any edges off. What has really helped me, which I alluded to in a previous post, is my own change regarding the sitch....after BD#3, the email I sent her with my truth darts, etc...the change in me is that I used to "see" mostly the good things that I would miss if she left. I now "see" the things that would go away that I wouldn't miss, or will be just fine living without.
None of us is perfect, by any measure, but we do, in a relationship, "accept" things about the other, find a way to compromise, deal with it, let it go because there is enough reward, or good, to "compensate" us for the little annoyances (or big ones). I know W has her annoyances with me, and she has told them to me (finally!!), and I have been working on them if they are things I want to change, or don't compromise my "core self" if I change them for the benefit of the R. She is still working on her stuff. A lot of it, if she navigates through this, will benefit a renewed R with me, resolve quite a bit of my "annoyances" with her. Other things are just who she is, and a lot of them actually work for me, if I am honest with myself, even if a bit annoying...lol...
So I am just stepping back a bit again, let her drive, see where we go....80% or so of my life is lived as I would, whether she is staying, or going. I am being me, responsible, caring, the best rock I can be, lighthouse still functioning, and shining... T^2
In the depths of winter, I finally learned that within me there lay an invincible summer. - Albert Camus
Uncertainty is the very condition which impels people to unfold their powers.-Eric Fromm
T how is it possible you're still growing and becoming even stronger. Good on you! I like that you can see things so clearly, the good and the bad in both you and your wife, and accept it, compromise with it, and even change it. You inspire me!
M38,H39 M:16Y BD:8/12 OWDB:11/12 S:11/12-5/13 "Temp" home:6/13 OW dropped:9/13 "I love you":12/13 H ring on:2/14 Depression back:5/15 "I'm done:" 7/15 H moved out: 3/16 H moved back: 12/16 Working on us: 3/17
Further down, JJ summarizes almost exactly where I am atm:
Quote:
The LRT should be a win/win situation.
You either get back a partner that wants to be back with you, or you lose a burden in your life.
It's a tuff choice at times.
Freeedom's just another word for nothing left to lose.
We have quite the mlc'ers on our hands, don't we...I still hope my W navigates this, her road seems to be like a washboarded forest service road right now. Trying to keep mine the smoother ride...
In the depths of winter, I finally learned that within me there lay an invincible summer. - Albert Camus
Uncertainty is the very condition which impels people to unfold their powers.-Eric Fromm
We had an "almost normal" weekend...W came out from within a bit and I learned all that's been processing...
Guess what? The R was barely even a blip on her radar...so it's true, who knows what they think about when they are "away"...lol. For W it was kid stuff, personal stuff, work drama, etc, etc.
I did see the real W a bit, and of course I was validating and a ton of STFU...apparently one of her gf's told her she had to distance herself from W some, W went on about how she (W) is a "taker"...she didn't like that about herself...etc. I just let her talk, though I did want to tell her she wasn't like that in the past, etc, but I didn't.
When W had to work this weekend, the boys and I had, I hate to say it, a very calm, relaxing day...just going about our lives, some chores, some fun, some nappin'... I think her working is really good...gets her out of the house, into the real world, and maybe work will give her her "drama" quotient so less need for it at home??...idk.
I felt like during her talking with me, there was a bit of re-connection going on under the surface, it just felt that way from mannerisms, facial expressions, etc.
Our anniversary is this week, the big "20", I made a fun card (yes, I left the "mush" out of it)
So, in summary, an almost "normal" coupla days, a bit different vibe,...minus hugs, touch or "other"...
T^2
In the depths of winter, I finally learned that within me there lay an invincible summer. - Albert Camus
Uncertainty is the very condition which impels people to unfold their powers.-Eric Fromm
You are spot on when you say that none of us are perfect, but, if we were to be perfectly honest, there are things about our partners that are annoying and wouldnt be missed.
Except anything about me, because, well, I am perfect. Haha - I crack myself up.
Anyway, I think it is inherent in two people living together for long periods, that there would be.
Part of this journey for me was to uncover the things about myself that I thought were annoying and to work on those. So, good on you for doing that.
As far as your wife, you are playing this exactly right. Sometimes I would literally sit back and watch my h's actions. It was amazing to see part of the real him and part of the "other".
Sounds like your w's gf touched a bit of a nerve. Not necessarily a bad thing. Good for you that you didnt respond and just let her talk.
I think your wife is swirling it all around in her head. Trying to get a handle on who she is and what she wants.
