Well.. I dont know what to say. I am mixed up in my head right now.
Today is the first day of the weekend for us. I was swimming in the afternoon with the kids and all of a sudden D5 says 'there is a man on the roof' and I look up and there was a man on our roof watching us! I wave of pure fear went through me...physical fear for my kids and me.
I ushered them inside and made sure all was locked. We have a guard at the house (this is very common over here), I called out to him, no response.....
I called H, no answer. I called H's office's driver and asked him to come (there is no '911' kind of thing over here...and usually better NOT to get police involved if possible).
The driver came and checked out the house and premises. Found a ladder had been propped up against the wall.
Really freaked out for so many reasons (was he a perv watching us?? a thief scoping out the house???...)
Trying to control my own panic to comfort the kids. Managed ok. H finally calls back. Told him, he spoke to the kids, calmed us said he would 'take care of it and find the guy' and call back.
He doesnt call back, I text say we are still freaked out..I know I need to stop the fear scenarios in my head but they are there.
In my head I am thinking, how can I work through this??? I am genuinely freaked out, creeped out and feel vulnerable. Also thinking, is word going around that there is no 'man ' in the house...its a target??
H texts back "its all good'.
I text back saying it doesnt feel good, we are still freaked, the kids are scared. I feel creeped out and my privacy violated. Feel like we are being watched. Am not mad I am scared and I appreciate that you are trying to calm me by saying 'its all good' but I dont feel calm, I feel unheard and powerless to protect the kids.
Of course no response...my head is messed up. Not because I need him to do anything or say anything.... I felt so scared I didnt know who else to reach to. The kids wanted daddy. And feeling the way I do because of this and now thinking of cr@p i didnt even DB this properly. I messed up everything because I also was short tempered with the kids because of my anxiety.
OK..I did want to know that he would still take care of the house and safety of us.
So I am anxious about this and also anxious that my text came across as blaming... UGH.
Extra security around the house now, which is good but cant get the image out of my mind of seeing that man watching us. I dont want to overreact, but there was a man there.
Kids are in my bed tonight. We'll stick together and keep going...
Am I over reacting? H always downplays things. Sometimes it is useful because I can overreact, but I dont feel like I am overreacting now. I dont want to be a drama queen.
TPS Me: 44 H: 42 M14 T17 S10 D7 10/10 H moves out after death of his father-same month 21/04/12 H is 'DONE' 04/05/12 OW/PA confirmed (rumors from 2010) July '14 H ends affair May '15 H moves back home
TPS Me: 44 H: 42 M14 T17 S10 D7 10/10 H moves out after death of his father-same month 21/04/12 H is 'DONE' 04/05/12 OW/PA confirmed (rumors from 2010) July '14 H ends affair May '15 H moves back home
A strange man standing on top of your roof watching you swim and you freak out. Why would that not be a reasonable response? Clearly an invasion of privacy and completely inappropriate for it to happen. Now don't let fear paralyze yourself. Make a plan for the next time something weird happens. Do you think part of the problem is you did not know what to do? However, I would expect my spouse to ease my fears with something better than "it's all good". If you think your text came across as blaming sit down and explain what you were feeling and why you texted what you did, after your emotions have clamed.
You can not change your past, but you can ruin a perfectly good present by worrying about the future.
Why was H's response, "It's all good?" Does he know about this man...did he hire him to watch over you? Why else would he be all calm about a man watching his wife and kids????
I think your reaction was perfectly normal! Forget DBing in this instance. Your reaction of fear to protect your family comes before anything else.
Having said all that I would have another convo w your H regarding this. If he does nothing to alleviate your fears, then have a Plan B--do you have a close neighbor/friend to rely on?
M- 18 T-21 S-14,11 & 10 BD 6-18-2012 (OW-EA) H moved out 11-3-2012 10-5-13 Me- I want a divorce. I want to move on w my life. 11-25-13 Jointly filed.
Yikes. Yes, creepy. And frustrating that H didn't elaborate. Though he did promptly address the issue, it seems, if he raised the security level.
Of course, the first thing I think is that the guy was hired to check a roof leak or something, but that would not inspire increased security. Did you find out where the guard was?
So, you have extra security now. Enough to feel secure? What will it take? Some external things and some internal. Getting more information would certainly help. Perhaps you can ask H specific questions like who it was and why he was there.
It's not overreacting to get the info you need to assess a threat and respond appropriately.
In the meantime, I hope you're getting some sleep...
Maslow's hierarchy of needs, hon. If you don' t feel safe, you can't do the other stuff.. Fancy way of saying screw DB, kick and scream until you feel you and babies are secure!
Busting, what happened to you is really freaky. You did what you needed to do to protect yourself. What you also need to do is realize your H might not be there anymore as a support to you when these things happen. It's awful, bc he should be there for you, but you should have someone reliable you can call in case of an emergency. Don't feel as though you can count on him. If he responds, then great, but don't have him be your go-to person anymore. Love you, Busting.
Busting, That's our biggest fear, or at least mine. My neighbors had an idea that I was alone. Recently my front neighbor's home was broken into. I couldn't sleep for about a week after that.
Also, there was a very very windy night a few months after H left (many trees feel over). S4 woke up wanting his dad. He never called back. I resent him til this day.
One thing is when it's you another when it's your kids sense of security! I wouldn't be able to forget it.
M 42 H 39 T10 (-2yrs separation) S8 D5 DD 7/30/11 (EA&PA) Reconciled 6/2013 Separation in works 1/2017
