Dear Cadet, I have printed out and highlighted a quote from you, but in fact it is emblazoned in my brain in large flaming letters: "Become a person only a FOOL would leave" You should get patent money on this - I LOVE it!
Me 54 H 53 T 19 M 15 (2nd both), 0 kids, 2 dogs, 1 horse H open heart surg12-12-12 H dropped bomb 3-5-13 H moved to lounge ~3-13-13 H rented house w/friend 4-6-13 H moved out 4-13-13
Dear AnotherStander, So amazing that you have heard the same (now I understand) guilt talking from your WAS! It helps me to realize this and not to think it is anything else so I can continue on and work on my GAL & other DB things that will in fact & are already making me a much better and happier person. I also didn't realize it takes time for antidepressants to kick in and I really spent the first week or so taking a lot of sleeping pills to avoid being awake with the pain. I was trying to think of reasons to get really angry at my WAH also to lesson the pain. However, according to you and other things I have read, I must deal with the pain & fight my way through it - so now that I think I can handle it in small chunks, I am forcing myself to think about it and deal with it. Do you know why I can - Because of YOU and other people on this forum who have saved my life and my sanity by being such thoughtful and caring people to help a perfect stranger. Just know I have prayed to God thanking him for your help & asking him to comfort you and let you find peace also.
Me 54 H 53 T 19 M 15 (2nd both), 0 kids, 2 dogs, 1 horse H open heart surg12-12-12 H dropped bomb 3-5-13 H moved to lounge ~3-13-13 H rented house w/friend 4-6-13 H moved out 4-13-13
This has helped me SO much since you wrote & explained it AnotherStander "all reaching out does is make the LBS look weak, pathetic and desperate to the WAS". It has saved me already Numerous times when I have gotten the urge to send a text to my WAH, esp last night when I was dwelling on the fact that this would be my first mothers day without getting a card from my dogs - so I kept my fingers off my phone and my WAH actually texted me first thing this morning Happy Mother's Day. I remained calm and texted thank you & I would be out of the house for the next several hours if he needed to pick up any of his stuff. So I went to church, went to Bible study, drove around for a while, then drove home & my WAH was at the house cutting the lawn. I did not go running over to talk or follow or cry or anything. I just got my 2 dogs & walked them right past my lawn cutting (prob guilty lawn cutting LOL) WAH and down the road. All I kept thinking was I am NOT going to LOOK weak, pathetic OR desperate to my WAH - SO THANK YOU! So it's crazy but he was still at the house when I came back from my dog walk - I just thanked him for the grass cutting, told him there were drinks in the fridg if he was thirsty And went to the backyard and phoned my girlfriend & she is good about reminding me of everything DBing because she thinks it is going to work and is facinated by it. I am not a patient person but I am starting to see that it is the only way to go & I will be better off in the end anyway. I am afraid to say I am just a little happy for the first time in a long long time that Today I was NOT weak, pathetic or desperate to my WAS OR TO MYSELF! Wow, Thank you again AnotherStander!
Me 54 H 53 T 19 M 15 (2nd both), 0 kids, 2 dogs, 1 horse H open heart surg12-12-12 H dropped bomb 3-5-13 H moved to lounge ~3-13-13 H rented house w/friend 4-6-13 H moved out 4-13-13
ME:51 W:46 M:25 S:22, S:20 Divorced 16/9/15 BD 10/12 W left 12/12 with OW, affair confirmed Nov/12. Dark since 6/13 I"m in a new relationship since Feb 14.
Dear Cadet, I have printed out and highlighted a quote from you, but in fact it is emblazoned in my brain in large flaming letters: "Become a person only a FOOL would leave" You should get patent money on this - I LOVE it!
No I think it belongs to MWD thats why we are on this forum.
Well done Tonkarider. You sound like you are in a really good place right now. Remember this feeling!! I am happy for you.
TPS Me: 44 H: 42 M14 T17 S10 D7 10/10 H moves out after death of his father-same month 21/04/12 H is 'DONE' 04/05/12 OW/PA confirmed (rumors from 2010) July '14 H ends affair May '15 H moves back home
I felt similarity in your subject line & I started reading your sitch. Your WAS seems to be acting very similar to mine. Mine keeps showing kindness and dignity where he can but it hurts more when he is kind. I sometimes wish (although deep down I don't) he was colder so it'd be easy for me to detach..
I wondered about H's access to home and the rest of his stuff. I decided I'm not gonna say anything unless he does. Fortunately from the beginning he never came over without asking me first so that was easy. About his stuff - I'm still debating. When he visited me yesterday he did mention he'd have to move the rest of his desk accessories and his old car that's sitting in the garage. I must be still weak because every time he mentions the rest of his stuff, my heart sinks. For some reason I take it as "I'm moving on with my life so I should move every big of me from this house"
He did give me back a parking pass yesterday saying "It looks like you are entertaining people more" I'm actually glad he noticed that because that was one of big things he had with me. How unsocial I was. It sounds like from your thread you were once and are not anymore. Keep working hard to be more social but only mention you are making all these changes if the subject arises. I wouldn't recommend telling him "Look I did this I do this I'm doing this" because actions do speak louder than words..
He just told me yesterday he was concerned that I had to find out about someone he was seeing. I was so sad and depressed like how I was in the beginning of DB-ing. I have been busy GAL-ing so I didn’t feel that sad and depressed for a long time. All I wanted to do yesterday was sleep. But strangely I couldn’t cry that much. I felt so numb. I wonder I couldn’t cry because I’m at a much better place and feel good about myself or was the pain too much that I just couldn’t feel it yesterday. I don’t know. But I did feel so much better when I wrote it out on my thread. Isn’t it weird just writing it out on this forum makes you feel so much better and gain courage.
Good days are coming and you will also have tough days. But remember we are here for you when you need to vent.
M37 H36 M8 T12 inc 3yr L-dist 7/12:H broke down 10/12:H dad D frm W4. BD soon after 1/13:H wants to leave 2/13:H gpa passed. Feels closer but H still leaving 3/13: S begins
Thanks HotWheelsaust - it's so nice of you to say that - too bad it only lasted until now! But I knew if I came back here, everyone here would understand and keep me going.
Me 54 H 53 T 19 M 15 (2nd both), 0 kids, 2 dogs, 1 horse H open heart surg12-12-12 H dropped bomb 3-5-13 H moved to lounge ~3-13-13 H rented house w/friend 4-6-13 H moved out 4-13-13
Dear Bustingout, Thank you so much for the encouragement! It was a great feeling but only temporary. I am going to do what you said and try to remember it. Right now I am lying like a wet noodle under a blanket on the couch because it is too sad to sleep alone upstairs in our empty bedroom. I never thought I would have an excess of closet space LOL!
Me 54 H 53 T 19 M 15 (2nd both), 0 kids, 2 dogs, 1 horse H open heart surg12-12-12 H dropped bomb 3-5-13 H moved to lounge ~3-13-13 H rented house w/friend 4-6-13 H moved out 4-13-13
