Recently Separated and Need Help

[Breakdown]

I think I want to control things because it makes me feel important. Growing up, I was always the center of attention and loved being in the "spotlight". As the years went on, the spotlight faded. By taking control and being in charge, I feel like I'm important and somewhat back in my spotlight. It also makes me feel like I won't be forgotten. I have this huge fear of being alone. Instead of enjoying time by myself, I crave being with others.

Self worth? Insecurity?

So what are you doing to change this? HOW are you doing things differently?

[separated313]

Self worth? Insecurity?

So what are you doing to change this? HOW are you doing things differently?

I'm not sure if it's the right way to handle it, but I'm working on doing things on my own. Realizing that I don't need anyone to help me. That I can be independent. I've lost weight. I've started buying new clothes that show off my weight loss. I've started taking better care of myself. I was always felt like if I didn't keep my H on a short leash, that someone more attractive would catch his eye and take him away from me. All I was doing was pushing him away. If I could have only seen that what I was doing was hurting my M!

I'm trying very hard to make me a better person. For me, for my kids. If anyone has any suggestions on something I can do differently, I'm open. Changing bad habits isn't easy, but in this case, it's so necessary.

[azguy]

Glad to hear this! Keep going. These topics will be so much more important for you rebuilding your M (should that happen) or going a different direction. Details of what your H did and what it means are hard not to focus on, but are really irrelevant compared to what you are doing.

Keep it up!

[separated313]

I've been working on my jealousy the past few days. My H has really tested me. In the beginning, I didn't handle myself in the best way possible. But after reading up on some things, I've decided that I have to just ignore what is being said and done. I'm only about 3 days into this new view point and it's not easy at all. I'm running through a ton of emotions on a daily basis. But I know that in the long run, this will make me a better person in the end. No matter if my H comes home or I begin a new chapter of my life as a single mom.

[separated313]

I'm looking for input now. Today, my H asked when I wanted him to bring the kids home tomorrow. I advised him that I had plans and wouldn't be home until close to 6 and that he could keep the kids until then. His response was "You sure are a social butterfly lately" Does this mean that he is noticing my GAL? What do I do from here? Just keep moving forward with my current path?

[MrCAS]

Really having a hard time. Found out my H has been talking to an OW. Not sure if there is a PA or EA at the moment. But the OW has been saying pretty horrible things about me via social networking. I'm devastated.

Let me check my credibility meter... Hmmmm.... seems to reading zero... Wonder if it is broken... Testing... Nope. Works just fine.

I would not be concerned what a woman who is dating a married man has to say. I wouldn't expect her to say anything less than unflattering things about you. She is only getting half the story and it is a slanted view at best.

As cool as Facebook used to be, I now look at it in much different light. It has become a weapon to use against people and make for some really hard feelings. Why people choose to air their dirty laundry in such a public forum is beyond me.

Take the high road. Ignore her and her immature comments.

[separated313]

I'm trying my best to ignore her comments. It's difficult when you're already struggling with low self esteem.

[separated313]

So it has been confirmed that my H is having an EA. He admitted to me that they both want it to go further, but the OW currently has a boyfriend. My H does not want to be her dirty little secret. Here's the kicker, she lives over 4 hours away from us. I'm hurt and a little sad, but not really surprised. She has tried to cause problems for us before.

This is a true test for me to see if I can do a 180. I have not yelled or gotten angry with my H. I have just allowed him to tell me how he feels without showing too much emotion. However, when I'm behind closed doors, I can't stop crying.

[separated313]

Today my H admitted to me that he's confused about what he wants. I'm confused as well. I can't detach. I'm not sure how to even fake it at this point. Does anyone have any tips?

[separated313]

Struggling with a decision. My H has stated that he is having a hard time financially since he left. I just found out that my child support will be increasing by almost $80 a month. Do I tell him or do I let him figure it out on his own?