So I could presumably use the renovation money to instead at least partially pay off my W for her house half. Is there any way to decouple the two things? I don't see one.
Do we need to talk her selling the house tomorrow?
It would be great to not have to again hear the "I am selling and moving out" message.
Luke
M58, xW54 S22, D18 M 1984, D 2016 Living a new life.
Luke you are expanding this thing into something larger to justify procrastinating. None of the house details need to be worked out in your first conversation. Your first conversation is just statement of 3 simple facts:
1. You don't want to renovate and won't spend the money
2. You don't want to sell and want to continue living there
3. You are going to sleep upstairs when the kids are home
End of discussion. Everything else can wait, let's get W to understand these three first.
Will you do that? Don't make it a bigger issue in order to then postpone and avoid it. Just tell her those three things and nothing more.
Married 18, Together 20, Now Divorced M: 48, W: 50, D: 18, S: 16, D: 12 Bomb Dropped (EA, D): 7/13/11 Start Reconcile: 8/15/11 Bomb Dropped (EA, D): 5/1/2014 (Divorced) In a New Relationship: 3/2015
Luke you are expanding this thing into something larger to justify procrastinating. None of the house details need to be worked out in your first conversation. Your first conversation is just statement of 3 simple facts:
1. You don't want to renovate and won't spend the money
2. You don't want to sell and want to continue living there
3. You are going to sleep upstairs when the kids are home
End of discussion. Everything else can wait, let's get W to understand these three first.
Will you do that? Don't make it a bigger issue in order to then postpone and avoid it. Just tell her those three things and nothing more.
Luke, i totally agree with accuray and sandi2. I don't think you need to discuss this with W just yet. Stick to accurays 3 point list. I'd still like to answer your original question, in more detail, so you can put it to bed, as it were.
Here in Sweden it goes like this...
You agree with W ( with the help of a couple of different agent estimates) on a value for the house. Say 3 million. You bought the house for say 1 million. Thats a profit of 2 million. Minus amount of money you've spent on IMPROVING the house, say 500000. Thats 1.5 million left, pure profit. Divided by 2 ( you and w), 750000. Minus her share of profit tax which is in the region of 25% ( say 187500), makes 562500 kr. This is what you pay her for her share. Then you must take over whats left of the loan you both took on the house, say 1 million. Leaving a total bank loan of 1562500 kr.... Wow, kinda hard work writing it down, hope I didn't make a mistake!! Pretty sure its right, but won't bet my life on it!!
Hope that puts your mind at ease, now concentrate on the great 3 point list you got from accuray....
M:39, W:35 T:12, M:3 (4y 2013.02.18) D:9 S:5 2 Dogs W says she wants D : 2013.01.18
Okay, I took the plunge and went through the list of points. The waiting before the plunge was tough.
Response was a mix of rational and emotional.
o Facade renovation: on hold until I check with realtor if doing this increases the house value more than the cost of the renovation.
o Me keeping house: she thinks it is foolish to keep a large, energy inefficient house like this, especially for just one person. She wants to be paid out by the end of summer or so, which she is not sure I can afford.
o Me sleeping upstairs: denied. She was most emotional here, pointing out how much work she had personally done on the house and how much I am gone (30% of my time is abroad, "gallivanting" in her words), and how resentful she is of my higher income. I felt rather ashamed and yielded on this point.
o family vacation - on hold for the moment, pending more information on possible job for S.
BIL visiting this summer - no problem. Staying with MIL in future - she thought this would be no problem as she and her mom do not get along, that even though we would be divorced my MIL could get back at W by still letting me stay there (I stay there when working in the US).
She repeatedly mentioned D, as if it were a coming reality, what the new owners could do, etc. This was the most painful part. Not sure where to go from here.
I am both relieved but the sitch seems more concretely negative now.
Luke
M58, xW54 S22, D18 M 1984, D 2016 Living a new life.
