And the Beat Goes On...

[ericmsant2]

Then I gave ex basically 2 choices. Choice 1 was that she would let me take care of D2 full time on a temporary basis with her getting D2 every toher weekend and holidays we agreed to; until she can stabilize her mood and behavior and get a place of her own and settled and then we'd go back to 50/50 status.

She picked choice 1 and begged me not to take D2 away from her, to which I replied, I will not do that, unless you refuse to get help and are not getting better. I need to look out for D2 as no one else can right now and you need to put your own oxygen mask on before you can even think about putting on D2s.

IMO, this ^^^^^ is a good DAD! Kudos to you Tested…kudos to you. You managed to 1) do right and what is best for your D and 2) show compassion to your X and in turn NOT hurt her R with her mom. I am proud of you dude!

To answer Eric's question, do I still have that small hope that Ex could come back? yes. Is it driving my decision process? no.

Good answers!

I know this sounds controlling, and I really don't like doing this, but this is the lesser of 2 evils at this point. If this can be used as motivation and incentive for her to get better then great! If not then it will be a very sad time for her.

I do not think it sound controlling at all. You are trying to help your X while at the same time taking care of your D. As the saying goes…doing the right thing is NEVER the wrong thing.

[tested metal]

Update:

Ex has informed me now that she has been offered a job in our hometown(which is 160 miles away), which she would be able to use her degree and get her life back on track. She asked for my permission to move. The kicker is this: apparently she needs to move soon because the friend that she is staying with is also divorced and now is in danger of losing her son because she let ex stay with them and use her son's bedroom. The father of the son is ticked about it because his son had to sleep in the same room as his parents. The son is 11 yrs. old!

I am very torn on this because I want ex to improve her life (which is not my responsibility, but it also helps out D2); but don't want D2 to have to endure a weekly 160 mile trek to see each parent. I also don't want to give up my parenting time.

Pros to the situation: Ex and D2 have housing with her parents temporarily and possibly a better life for D2 while she is with ex.

Cons: Constant travel, uncertainty, and instability of ex's actions.

I want D2 to have access to both parents equally, but if it is safe for her. Ex has not seen a therapist yet due to not being able to afford it, so I directed her to the local human service center, where it would cost her nothing. Also directed her to programs to pay for her meds. She is reporting having anxiety attacks. I am worried that if I take D2 away, I am going to be facing a Mindy McCready situation, which might be avoided with a little compassion. At least D2 grandparents will be helping with overseeing D2's care, while she is there.

So, my decision for now is that ex can take D2 to the hometown temporarily, but she needs to see a psychiatrist and psychologist ASAP. I told her that for the time beinging her going to the town was for shelter and support only and that I have not decided on the permanancy yet as it is a big decision and I need to think about it.

I hope that I am making the right decision.

As for me, things have been going good. I have a very understanding girlfriend who is very insightful and with her it is easy to problem solve. I am being very successful at my job and getting rave reviews. I have also successfully negotiated my way to getting a higher licensure and am well on my way to a promotion.

Emotions-wise, I am still healing and hae good days to bad days. I now see where the past relationship was not healthy and although I think sometimes it could have worked out had ex tried, other times I think it was doomed from the start. I still love her very much, but as more of a friend/aquaintance.

I am seeing her pattern of manipulating behaviors now when she wants something and when she is really desperate as she has REALLY been increasing the compliments of me being a great dad, followed by me being a great person, (really? then why leave me?) still unresolved issues for me there, lol! I also become very nervous now anytime she wants to "go out to eat and talk about D2's parenting" because usually it turns out to be a bomb drop and of course, I have to curb my reaction because D2 is right there! I am geting better at coping with that and think I will address the pattern in the future, when Ex seems a little more stable.

Well, time to get back to work. I hope everyone has a great day!