I still think it's too early for this. Your W cringes at the thought of being controlled. Let her commitment to the R be firmer and more stable. That's my experience and my gut feeling too...
So wow! It seems likes ages since I've last posted. Here is something that I have learned. Peicing requires a lot of time, and that is only increased when changing jobs. 8)
Since last post. I / We have been rebuilding emotional connections. I did get the STD testing (results that is), that I had wanted. No Contact seems to be in effect. W and I have had one of the difficult convos re: what all happened / her version vs mine. It overall went well. She continues to make plans for us / the family. To be honest, I like, but I'm fearful of a repeat of everything that happened. Perhaps going through this magnifices the risk that many of us would have otherwise taken for granted in trying to have a meaningful R with someone else. Risk vs reward? I'll do my best to stop back sooner than later. Tomorrow is my first official day at the new job.
Side note, the underhanded co-worker also got a job where I'll be. They had a full time equivialent position similar to the one that he tried to steal from me. Good thing I never said any cross words towards him.
Andrew, I hope your first day is fantastic! Interesting that the underhanded co-worker will be working with you. Good thing you didn't "burn any bridges." The guy probably acted thinking it was the right thing to do for him, anyway. No one acts out of evil, but out of ignorance, and they're driven by their egos.
Good to hear you and your W continue piecing. It'll be a slow process, so remain patient. It's normal to be cautious after what happened. Try to stay away from the fear, though. Just be aware of what's going on around you and be cautious, but only visualize positive scenarios.
First day started off pretty well, but ended in negatively (in my head). Main reason being a few late nights that i will have to work - one of complaints earlier was feeling like a single parent. Now undid check this with her a few times before accepting the job to begin with which she said she was okay with. So once I came home that night she could read my face and we ended up having an R convo with which she provided me all sorts of comfort and reassurance about me and us. A statement that sticks with me is her saying this "is her second and last chance" and doesn't want to lose it.
Second and third day went better. I went in with PMA and a good level of confidence. I can do this and I can be awesome at it. A lot of what I have learned these past months will help me there.
Today we are having S7s bday party. He turns 8 Monday.
Sounds like things are going well, Andrew. It wasn't that long ago that it all looked pretty bleak. I'm really impressed with how far you've come in a short time.
I'm so pleased that your PMA is good in your new job. I'm sure you're right that you can be awesome.
Hope S7/8's party went well.
Me: 51 H: 52 T: 23 yrs M: 19 yrs S18, D16, S14 (special needs) PA: 2003/2004 Piecing: 2004 on Suspect H had EA: 8/2012-12/2012
Andrew, so so happy that all the work you have done on you and for your M has shifted things in your M. love what your W said and that she realizes what she has to lose in you. ((((((((((((((( )))))))))))))))))))
Me(f): 51 W: 41 DP:8 M:3 T:10 "W not happy" 7/11 D final: 8/13
Since my last post things have continued in a forward direction. Some hiccups along the way (mutual) and we are still trying.
W made a nice reminder statement, "quit taking on the victim role". Since hearing that I reframed / refocused on moving forward for me and the M. That shift has lessened triggers, their intensity, and the whole ordeal itself. Granted, I still have fear of presumed goodness resulting in a repeat of last year. I'm trying not to let that fear hold me back.
