I thought I would update you guys, things have continued to go well. I haven't been on here much, been busy, and have been working through my own stuff on how to deal with things that aren't being said, and may not be. I think I just want some validation that he knows these last 14 months haven't been all about "us" or me, but other issues, and I want to feel valued/appreciated again. I think I have mostly gotten myself to a place of acceptance.
H did move his stuff back into our room 3 weeks ago, we even bought a new bed (mattress and box spring). Life has been going on as normal, which is still sometimes strange. H hasn't said he loves me yet, well not in words anyway (I'm hoping that comes soon), but there have been other little things (that in this world of MLC are HUGE).
A couple of weeks ago while I was washing dishes, H came out and hugged me and said, "I'm glad we've made it here." I said, "me too." Nothing more was said.
He thanked me once and told me "I'm a pretty cool chick." He didn't expand on why he was thanking me, but I know.
For Valentine's Day I did get a card, a funny one, and he signed it with a smiley face and his name, and he bought me a gift, we also went out to eat, nothing fancy(I'm not a fancy kinda girl anyway), just some place not crowded, LOL. That was nice, more that I expected, and waaaaay better than last year when he wanted to leave. It doesn't matter what we are doing, we could be doing nothing at all, I'm just loving the fact he wants to spend time with me again.
Yesterday H hugged me and said, "Thank you for sticking with me through this." This kind of caught me off guard. I said, "I wouldn't have it any other way." and you're welcome.
These little comments have helped me when I have been struggling with does he realize what I've been through, and does he realize what he's been going through isn't all about us? Sometimes he will comment that things are going good so far. I guess he's still on the defensive, but I've kept my changes going, and am doing my best to keep it that way, and staying positive, it's too easy to get caught up in the negative when people around you are being negative.
I just hope that he is or has worked through the other issues that needed tending to. I really don't want him running back into the tunnel, definitely want that to be a one and done situation!
I'm just taking it one day at a time, and trying to be the best me I can be.
Continue as you have been...it takes a long time for them to finally exit out of the tunnel. It could take as long as 6-9 months once they've started to wake up. He may never talk straight about what went on within himself, but he could very well "skirt" around the issue. There will come a time when you will be able to have a chat w/him about how you felt and what happened during his crisis, but it's going to be a while before that takes place.
Right now, your h is still feeling his way along his path and he's still a bit fragile. I'm glad he's moved things back into the bedroom. Hopefully he feels more comfortable in his own skin. I do believe he's turned a huge corner and hopefully will not run back to the rabbit hole.
Hrm, you are doing beautifully. I know it's frustrating at times, but he's on his way back to the land of living. Please continue to be patient. Stay the course.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
hrm, thanks for the positive update. I'm so glad to hear things are going well, even if your H can't yet articulate the words that would be nice to hear.
Originally Posted By: hrm134
I'm just taking it one day at a time, and trying to be the best me I can be.
That's the way to do it!
Also, there are some great quotes on "reconnection" on this forum, that takevowsserious alerted me to that she put how to access them on my thread. I copied the two long quotes from snodderly to my DB notes and am reading them each day. Helps me to stay grounded.
Like when my H left this morning he said, almost under his breath, "love you" like he used to. I don't even think he realized he said it. Not the romantic setting I had pictured to hear ILY, but it's where he is at. And I'll take it
Hope you have a great week!
Me54/H47 '08 H is "done" March '12 H moved out Brink of D, December '12 2014 totally reconciled! ...... "I firmly believe in the...absolute possibility of marriage renewal." Jim Conway
Thank you so much Snodderly, Rh,and T!!! I have another positive update, this past Sunday H told me he loves me, for the first time in 16 months (but who's counting LOL)! He told me he couldn't have gotten through this without out me. I asked through what, he replied everything, then he hugged me and told me he loves me.
I am guessing there may be some answers down the road for you after more patient waiting.
I know you are continuing to be the best you can be and that is awesome!
I received a book in the mail today that was recommended on this forum. I looked through it and it looks really good.
It's called, "Getting Back Together: How to Reconcile with Your Partner -- and Make It Last". Just tossing out the idea in case it interests you.
Keep up the good work! rH
Me54/H47 '08 H is "done" March '12 H moved out Brink of D, December '12 2014 totally reconciled! ...... "I firmly believe in the...absolute possibility of marriage renewal." Jim Conway
Thank you hrm for posting and giving us hope! I started reading thru your threads from the beginning, I envy the patience you have and hope I can do this as well. Lots of what I have read so far is so much like my life now. I hope things continue to go great for you!
And to think, when I first read your sitch, you were dancing in H's room saying "I'm in your room, I'm in your room", wrassling with a garden hose, chasing a grasshopper in your room half dressed, making awesome food, using the double secret "Taco Dinner DB technique"...and NOW look at where you are....
This is so awesome hrm! I was going to be a bit jealous, but I am learning vicariously the effects of envy of others, and why it's a sin, so I will "settle" for being so very pleased for you and H!
Quote:
He told me he couldn't have gotten through this without out me. I asked through what, he replied everything,
From a guy, that's quite a validation...enjoy!
Keep going and remember to keep letting him come to you! T^2
In the depths of winter, I finally learned that within me there lay an invincible summer. - Albert Camus
Uncertainty is the very condition which impels people to unfold their powers.-Eric Fromm
