New Thread for a New Year

[Carnac]

Denver,
I agree with everything you said in the other thread. I know its on me to make this decision and also know i'll have to be 100% committed to make this work. There really is no OW, only a couple of dinners and i've already told her I couldnt continue talking to her if we were going to try this.

My question is this...no matter why you have a WAW I know that forgiveness is how you overcome these feelings of resentment. But im struggling right now with the fact that she can completely ignore me for months at a time and then decide that we can work on things. I really appreciate what you said about not having to let her back in all the way right now...I hadn't really considered it that way. Im willing to try this and work hard at it, but probably only as hard as I see her working on it.

Im really struggling with this right now, but I recognize what my fears are and will face them one at a time. My plan for now is just what you said....im going to spend some time with the counselor...that can't hurt anything and then im going to see how she and I interact and continue to monitor this thing as it goes.

[Denver_2010]

Trust me, resentment is an issue with this. I still struggle with it at times. I think that the bottom line for me when this happens is that I have to remember that it isn't all about me. It never has been. My W is living HER life and seeking her own happiness. She is growing and changing all of the time. Just like all of us. The period of time that she took away from me was for her. So that she could seek the life path that was best for her. So she could find what would make her happy in her life.

For me, it turned out to be a blessing as well. I learned so much about myself, about life, about how to be a husband...

I try to look at it in a non-selfish way, and try to look at the good that has come of it.

It doesn't mean that I don't struggle at times though. I do.

I do think though that those feelings will go away over time. A few months, a year... just a blip in a lifetime.

[Denver_2010]

I meant to also add that if your W is making the CHOICE to WANT to be married to you, that it is SO much better than had she come back for any other reason, ie, the kids, finances, even her vows. If she WANTS to be married to you after all of this... well, that is huge.

[afa75]

remember that it isn't all about me. It never has been. My W is living HER life and seeking her own happiness. She is growing and changing all of the time. Just like all of us. The period of time that she took away from me was for her. So that she could seek the life path that was best for her. So she could find what would make her happy in her life.

Wish you would have posted this earlier Denver. This makes so much sense.

[Denver_2010]

I hope that it still helps in some way afa. I've read a little of your current situation. I am still pulling for you.

[Denver_2010]

What's going on Carnac?

[Carnac]

Denver,
I'll try to inform you more tomorrow. Really nothing going on right now, we're both seeing the same counselor but at different times, we talk cordially but haven't moved past that toward anything more. We're supposed to have our first joint counseling session next week so we'll see how that goes.

[Denver_2010]

I've only been around here sparsely Carnac. Just checking in today and saw that you posted. Still pulling for you. I will check back to see how things are going. Take care.