Well everyone things are going very well here and.... I'm terrified! Why you ask? Because I feel like things are going back to normal, but nothing is being said or worked out. I guess I'm wondering if we should be talking about some things, or if I should just keep sitting quietly and let him talk when he is ready.... you know, being a tree.
Here's what's been happening....
Saturday morning H came over to our room asked if I minded if he got into bed with me, I said no, I prefer it. So we laid there awhile, talked about his brother and his brother's gf coming over today to get the car we were selling them. He kept asking me if I was ok with it, I insisted that yes, we haven't driven the car in a year, I'm good. I think he may not have been ready to let it go so I was getting some projection (gee good thing we are all such pros at picking up on projections).
Before his brother and his gf arrived H had decided to shave his beard. He called me into the bathroom to get my opinion. He looked like my H again. I took his face in my hands, looked him in the eyes and said, "There you are H." He smiled and said, "I've always been here." I didn't say anything, just smiled and let go. Thinking it's so strange, you can see it in his eyes, it's like the mother ship has given up control.
Everything went well with the getting the car changed over, then we went to lunch with them. When we got back to our place the guys went down and did car stuff, and I showed his gf around the house (she had never been here before). We were looking at some old pictures on our wall and got to talking about my FIL, which she doesn't really know anything about. I told her he's always been nice to me, I don't know what happened between them, and that he is in ill health. I said something about apologizing to Shawn and apologized to her too, she was fine. We got to talking about H briefly, I just said about this being a hard time, but turning out to be a lot of good too, etc. She told me the only thing he had said to them was he was taking a break and focusing on shooting. Interesting. She was empathic to a lot of what I said (which I didn't say a whole lot) because she was married before, so she said she understood where I was coming from.
After they left H thanked me a couple of times for "helping the kids out with the car." LOL his brother is 25 and his gf is 30.... kids.... I guess he will always be his "kid" brother. Oh and I should mention that dinner we were supposed to have at his house was cancelled due to all of the other family members being sick.
Saturday evening H came into the bedroom, I thought to say goodnight, like he usually does, but much to my surprise he asked if there was room in the bed for him! I said always. It was so cute, he brought his pillow over with him and said, "I brought my own pillows...." I laughed and told him that's ok, he doesn't have to use the super fluffy one if he doesn't want to.
Yesterday he was gone all day at a match. My dear friend came over, she was there when he got him, but left shortly after. She said hello to him. I know she was still worried. After she left H said, "You're friend didn't have to leave because I came home." I told him she didn't, she had stuff she needed to get done before a show she wanted to watch came on (which was true).
While H was showering last night he called me back. I went in and he said, "I was wondering if it's ok with you if I start moving my stuff back into the room..." I was shocked, I thought he may take another month to get to this point. I said of course it is. He said are you sure? I said yes.
Now here is where I am terrified..... do I say anything like.... I need to be able to trust you.... where does this working on "us" go from here? Do I give stipulations? Do I just continue to keep still and see what happens as it happens????? I need some input please!
hrm, I would sit very quietly for now...he's still fragile and as he begins to grow up and become your h once again, he's going to be looking for signs of mistrust and the old hrm to come out to play. Don't revert back to the old you.
You will be given an opportunity to have chats w/him very soon. He's going to open that door for you, but it will be when you least expect it.
For now, sit quietly, be patient and enjoy having your h acting like a human being versus ET.
Hang in there.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Hey! Nothing says you can't shake those limbs a bit. Make your bedroom very warm and inviting, i.e., some nice candles, seductive music and sprinkle a little bit of nice cologne on the sheets.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
It sounds like things are going well for you - how can a woman resist a man who brings his own pillow!
You are doing wonderfully! And I agree with Snodderly - might be nice to celebrate the "welcome back" with some subtle candles or new sheets and pillow cases!
T, I guess you missed it...I asked the same question last week and the toothbrush is still in the holder! It's found its permanent home once again! LOL!
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Hey all haven't posted in awhile. Wanted you all to know I haven't fallen off the face of the Earth or anything! LOL things continue to go well, toothbrush continues to stay in the holder! I will post more later, when I have some time, I hope you are all doing well!!
