Journaling, So it has been about a week since I have posted anything. W has been moved out now for 2 weeks and nothing has changed. Yes I realize that it has only been 2 weeks but even a little change would be nice.
So my C said to wait until the first of the year to really create boundaries. She still comes over most nights and visits with the kids. We talk but only about each other days at work. Nothing about relationship, I dont call, text or email her. If she does text me then my replys are only to answer her question. When I do see her when she stops she still has that look when she is communicating with me. She has no respect or desire of me period. Which does not seem to bother me as much, in fact being in charge of everything at home has made me feel charged up. Like I am control of what, where and with who. Is this the beginning of real detachment?
How long do I wait until I ask her if she is ready to work on the marriage? Do I just keep moving forward like I don't need her? I guess I am realizing that I dont "Need" her but I still want her. I know each situation is on a differnt time table but really 2,4,6,8 months, 2 years how long??
rearrange the furniture improve your landscaping workout start a new hobby start going out with friends let her see two wine glasses drying in the sink read new books put pics up on fb of your night out update your wardrobe get a new cologne get a new haircut strike up conversations with strangers smile at people play with your kids - go camping READ: GAL
don't ask her anything (detach), get her to chase you (180)
read up on attraction
be the best man you can be regardless of what she is doing
Cheers
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
DM, I don't think you ever ask her if she is ready to work on the marriage. She left, she will let you know when and if it is time. I also don't think you can put a specific time period on DB. You will know when you are ready to move on without her.
I totally agree with you about wanted to see any positive steps. I am three months into seperation and haven't seen anything other than moving closer to a divorce. Everyone moves at a different speed. I thought I was ready to start dating, then had a bad day, and realized I am no where close to being ready.
Just keep working on yourself. In the end that is all we have.
Me 37/W 32 S 5 D 4 ILYBNILWY 5/12 Sep 8/12 Starting to find myself 11/12 on
DM, I don't think you ever ask her if she is ready to work on the marriage. She left, she will let you know when and if it is time. I also don't think you can put a specific time period on DB. You will know when you are ready to move on without her.
I totally agree with you about wanted to see any positive steps. I am three months into seperation and haven't seen anything other than moving closer to a divorce. Everyone moves at a different speed. I thought I was ready to start dating, then had a bad day, and realized I am no where close to being ready.
Just keep working on yourself. In the end that is all we have.
We are three months into our separation as well, and last night I got the "never going to happen, never going to change my mind, I am happy" text.
BD: 8/20/2012 W Files: 8/23/2012 S: 8/25/2012 (I moved out) D Final: 3/5/2013
2 months into S and no progress here either. I don't sense that W is particularly happy (which was her main goal in S), but I haven't asked either.
Originally Posted By: Desperate man
I need advice on finding a lawyer.
I can't offer any advice there other than asking if you've talked to W about mediation. Mediation is a LOT cheaper and you'll end up in about the same place as far as division of assets anyway, just without all the fighting, bickering and outrageous fees.
I got the same statement last night from W about never coming back home and no desire to work on M. I still do not believe anything she is telling me because she is not logical. But regardless she is starting to make financial comments that has me worried. The kids are with me 90% of the time, I am paying tuition for one of the kids, all of the household bills, insurance, and the W's car payment. Now she made the comment last night that she may want help to move out of where she is currently living to her own place so she would have more room for her and when the kids stay with her on her weekends. I am not trying to be a jerk but I feel that she may be asking for to much. Legally I know if we do get a D I will have to pay for some kind of alimony. But I feel that she is the one who wanted to move out and have freedom, why I should I have to pay for almost everything. This is why I think I need to consult some legal advise before I get in trouble here.
Even with mediation you need a lawyer. Usually they offer a free consultation. Go meet with a few. Ask friends for recommendations, or if you know a different type of attorney ask them
Married 18, Together 20, Now Divorced M: 48, W: 50, D: 18, S: 16, D: 12 Bomb Dropped (EA, D): 7/13/11 Start Reconcile: 8/15/11 Bomb Dropped (EA, D): 5/1/2014 (Divorced) In a New Relationship: 3/2015
I will check into mediation. I have not asked the W anything about this subject.I was hoping to delay this as long as I could. But the W made several comments that made me concerned.
I assume every case is different and state. But what is fair if we could keep this friendly between us? Maybe that is not possible with the legal side of D. Just trying to protect myself and the kids,
I assume every case is different and state. But what is fair if we could keep this friendly between us? Maybe that is not possible with the legal side of D. Just trying to protect myself and the kids,
My W and I discussed this early on and are both on board with a peaceful settlement. In our state you can file all the paperwork yourselves with no L involved at all as long as you both agree on the terms. So that's what we discussed, we're not even planning on going to mediation.
I received a ton of advice early on to get a L right away, I chose not to because I felt like that would harm our chances of reconciling. Clearly some people need to because their spouse is not cooperative, but in our case we've had no trouble resolving things.
That said, we haven't discussed D in months and I certainly won't be bringing it up unless I decide to drop the rope. I have no idea if W is wanting to pursue it or not and I'm not going to ask!
