Well - nothing is new. Not a thing. Actually, I totally let him go completely two Fridays ago? I love him enough to let him try to find happiness - whether it be with her, or maybe eventually with me - no one knows except the big guy upstairs. Im just tired of thinking and worrying and not living my life to my full extent. I even went on a date that Saturday. Course X found out about it, and he asked a million questions. My answer was that I needed to start living. He knows down inside he still has my heart. But. As much as I want us, and I want our family - I cant continue to beat myself up. You know? I havent given up. Im just letting go...
Im lurking, not really posting. Hope all is well with you all.
M:43/ H:39 T:12/ M:9 S8, D15 M affair(one night): 2/09 M EA: 2/12-7/12 D:6/7/12 H: GF since 7/24/12
God,Family, and the Green Bay Packers. - Vince Lombardi
MrsD: Glad to hear your moving forward. I know its not what you want but its the best thing in the world for you and your son for you to simply live a full life.
This is good MrsD. Remember, it's a marathon. Pace yourself and take this time for yourself. If he's meant to come around, there are more chances he will by you doing this than by constantly pursuing him. Take care girl.
Freshman Class of 2012
M-49 W-42 1D-10 T 10 YEARS M 9 YEARS EA/MLC 07/2010 Separation 28/05/2012 PA confirmed 31/07/12 W Asked for D 31/07/12 D on and off the table since then
Hey guys - thought Id check in and let you all know nothing really has changed. He is still with her. Ive been on a few dates, but I find myself constantly comparing these dates to my X. Im having fun, but I still want my X. We are getting along better in conversations. Last weekend, I was sorta questioning if things were starting the fail between X and GF because he was so distant in conversation. Being with someone for 12 years, you know something is going on, you know? I asked him if everything was OK - his response was that they were but I dont believe it. Onward and forward..
Hope all is doing well.. Talk soon.
M:43/ H:39 T:12/ M:9 S8, D15 M affair(one night): 2/09 M EA: 2/12-7/12 D:6/7/12 H: GF since 7/24/12
God,Family, and the Green Bay Packers. - Vince Lombardi
Hey Mr B!! Not really. I had heard they had broke up, but I almost think they are back together. Our "relationship" is better - he seems flirty and is taking C alot more than he had before. Which makes me believe that even if they are back together, it will probably fail again. Not sure the reason they had broke up, cause I really cant ask him, you know?
As for me, still busy with work, and C. Living life and making it a better one for the both of us. Counceling is amazing. I am healing and thats all that I really want right now. The holiday was alittle hard, and Im sure Xmas will be even more hard. Its weird to be surrounded by friends and family and still feel lonely. But I have my little man who makes me smile everyday.
Hope all is well with everyone! I need to jump to Carnac and Arsene to see how things are with them. Take care! Ill check in again soon.
M:43/ H:39 T:12/ M:9 S8, D15 M affair(one night): 2/09 M EA: 2/12-7/12 D:6/7/12 H: GF since 7/24/12
God,Family, and the Green Bay Packers. - Vince Lombardi
For some reason I was drawn to your first threads and have just had a read of them.
Originally Posted By: Mrs D
I know I screwed up on so many levels, and I want to work on making things better.
I screwed up terribly too. And the worst thing was not knowing that I was screwing up until it was much too late.
Have you managed to get to the bottom of what's followed you around all these years, and led you to the choices that you've made?
Originally Posted By: Mrs D
I still do not know the core issue that brought the affair in the first place.
You wrote this some time ago. Do you know now what drove you to it?
I think your ex husband wants to trust you, wants to know his heart and dignity is safe with you. Yet it's been broken so many times so I can completely see why he's of the mind that you cannot be trusted.
There's only one solution I know of and that's to be trustworthy, to develop a long track record of reliability and dependability with him. Not in what you say (in fact the less you say the better), rather by conditioning him with your actions to trust you again.
It will take a long time.
Your trust account is deeply in the red and you have a long road ahead of you just to get to 0.00. After that everything will be in the black.
But...
Your trust account hasn't yet been closed.
And...
The next five years are going to pass whether you want them to or not. You might as well arrive at the end of 2017 grateful for the gift of Life and for having transformed yourself into a person of utmost trustworthiness, dependability and reilability.
Believe me, your ex husband will notice.
It can be done.
Hang in there.
GH31
Me: 46 W: 46 T: 23 M: 20 DS12 DD11 DS5
W left: 01/28/08 Discovered OM: 02/26/08 W back for 9 days: 04/08 W returned 05/21/08 EA/PA - 01/08-07/09 W's MLC 2008-2014 (realised this much later)
