I think(hope) i began a new thread. i'm not sure- anyway- sorry for "rants" yesterday- high stress and shouldn't be left alone so long- get wierd. hopefully normal today- "off" thinking.
nero, How are you doing today? So, tell me about your day.
BTW, the old thread will remain there and Jack, hopefully, will come along and lock it. Posters will then be able to read the postings, but not respond there.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
hi and thanks for asking. i'm doing much better today.
i was melting down a bit yesterday. ended up taking a call from him (minutes after reading someting here in forum that made me feel more "empowered." and i was calm and in control. when i commented i'd never gone 4 days without speakng to him in 30+ yrs., he said he felt badly all weekend and noticed it too. i was surprised. (it didn't change anything-) but it was remarkable that he volunteered a "feeling". haven't heard one in years.
it was okay- i sometimes allow my imagination to go to the worst possible places- it's because i keep thinking what i'd be doing if i were him. if it were me all 'IN LOVE" w om - I'D BE out of here - couldn't bear to torture him. oh well
today i was reading thru things cadet had recommended and found summary of book "crucial conversatons" - it was soo interesting & informative- i practiced typing it and printed a copy. something we can all use- notice un-safe signs - when conversation going bad, etc. what we all do, me too- v. good stuff.
i was vry busy today- even found some old albums in garage and had a walk(well dance) down memory lane. would not mind being a teenager again- oh well.
cleaned and so forth- dug around in garden-
i found another post by someone in resp. to jack's question about dbing not being doormat(ism) necessarily. it extoled the virtues of someone who can stand by their commitment and do this- made me feel supported alot- it is very easy for people not in our shoes to judge.
i tend to "run here' when i'm alone too long and getting wonky- steadying effect. (problem is i was a legal secretary for 25 years and i can type faster than i can think- i feel guilty when my posts look so huge) i think i'm "chatting" with someone over coffee or something.
i guess that's it for me- thank you for giving a darn. i hope your day was good - i love fall and can feel it coming.
my garden is a mess because too darn many man-eating mosquitos & blazing sun to go outside (red hair- white skin & freckles) - but still nice to look out at. one of these days i'll get out and tidy it.
I like your long posts. I am the worlds slowest typist, but I also put some long post up. There is more room on the outside of our heads than on the inside, so let it all out!
I tan very easy, but still avoid sun when I can. I like doing yard work on overcast days. I have a ton of freckles!
I hope you are getting some clarity. For me it seems all coversations are dangerous.....
Aloha,
Wendy
Me 57 XH 58 Sons age 32 & 27 M:32 D final 9/12 Bought 10 Acres and Living the Dream!
now my H is gone...at least for two nights at work. It's a great break from the ball curled up on my bed but it when he gets his ego stroked by being on the N side of town.
I'm not going to think about it...I'm going to do me...can you help remind me of that if you here me go crazy?
The past can't be ahead of you in the future. You don't have to figure it all out, just pick a direction. What's next...I don't know but I can't wait!
you know - it's true. every exchange seems a potential mine-field.
i' i'm nice i think i should have been more "cool" and if i'm ratty i think i should have been more chaeming. cannot win.
i am a woman without strategy in life . i just somehow got my tip of finger caught between two cabinet door knobs (round porcelain knobs - no angles at all!) and they somehoe pulled a chunk of flesh out of the middle of the middle finger of my left hand!!!! wht the??? trying to apply pressure with a bandaid and bleeding like s tuck pig. oiy!! very wierd injyr.
i dug out somr lillies for av ery nice little gal off craig- i sell my extra babies - some plants go nuts too much. she was so cute- dug out a few other perennials - she's jus6t starting very first garden. anyway- did aboutl/1 hour work and went inside. too hot- too buggie. oh well- next year for sure (perfeft garden).
i love the fall days- and cool weather. imust be nuts going to fla- will be in 90s every day til nov. eek
feeling moi anxious- pick up h at airport early evening. i think he thinks this is a game (my life) - come here to me (nj entertainment committee) go there to her- etc.
i think i may consider taking a weenie tranquilizer so i maintain my "cool" no matter what i think. if i could just shut off brain for about a year - til something settles in my soul.
i despair sometimes about the calrity- but live in hope i guess. some day- some how- awaiting it.....
forgot to say- I LOVE your observation that more room outside head than in- it's soo true. i wouldn't want my melon to explode- thanks for listening - you & everyone
yay for a break (a girl does need it) wah for the fact we're forced (against our will it seems ) to "do" us. it's soooooooo jacked up isn't it? most people i know are lonely on their own - and would kill to have a loving companion like us- honestly.
AND THEN - i see these men, selfish and self-involved - they cannot even appreciate this wonderful "gift" they have in life - that would be US. i cannot see the way the world works that this shoul=d be so. unfathomable
you can do it. i am lousy at it- but if i keep busy- i can (JUST) manage - for one more day- afternoon - hour - to not call up and say "it's over for you bonehead - i'm outta here".
go visit someone- do something with a kid- i can usually foist myself on my sister or neice if i'm truly desperate. even ole - gulp - mom if need be - or a store. get the heck out of the house if it gets bad- and try to curb your imagination.
my imagination is my WORST enemy- my brain pictures this and that and i cause myself such torment & pain. DON'T do it to yourself (too)if humanly possible. what does it accomplish?
i am trying to practice what i preach- it is hard, and i fall short alot. it's only the fact that i have only one other choice (FINAL SOLUTION) OR JUST shut up and do it. i'm still tryin.
i don't think we will see ourselves for fools at the end of the day. the time & pain invested. i hope i'm correct. i've heard several women i know express "i wonder if i was too hasty) about their divorces, etc. it's a tough tough thing to ever really feel totallyincontrol of- no matter what you do or don't do.
it's only our time we're spending (wasting?) - a gamble for very high stakes- we're giving it all we can- that can't be wrong... i'd hope someone would give me a second chance if i got dopey & nuts... do unto others?? the ULTIMATE do unto other here i think
you can do this- we can do this) (only for today ) dig deep & don't think (whatever you do) - woo hoo -
go garden - what is your weather doing? do you feel fall yet? i know a guy in chic - his wife went mlc - they divorced - he finished raising kids - maybe 8 or so years ago. she wants to come back now- he is no way- it's sad and makes ya think. oh well- the things that happen and that people do- i have a cousin too- her h went mlc two yrs ago- she got divorced this past winter- she wondered on phone if she moved too fast- who can know? i sais don't re-think decisions - if they were right for you at moment - go with it.
i'll let you know in ten years if i'm a bunch of hot air or might have a clue. we hope the latter
have a wonderful day- enjoy your reprieve - editI'm clueless, but trying hard - buddy - xxoo and here's a hug too (()) - such as it is.
Last edited by Jack_Three_Beans; 09/05/1209:29 PM. Reason: I don't normally edit and don't ask me too, I'll dissappoint you.
