X demands full custody because I'm now engaged

[sleeper]

I took kids back a couple of days late to let them adjust to new school/school resuming (Normal kidswap would have. Edn evening of first day of school). X has contacted kids often this week; texting, calling and even asking them to ask me if she could take them to church. I think I've handled it well, declining her request (I've shared my time generously in the past but will no longer) and I will take them to church this AM. It's funny if you think about it:

"I'm taking you to court and taking the kids all the time. In the meantime would you please let me have them so I can take them to church?"

I will talk to kids tonight about what's going on before they go back to her tomorrow after school.

[deb13]

Sleeper, Just read about your engagement and wanted to say "Congratulations!!". I'm so sorry that at a time when you should really be celebrating and making plans for your future, you are having to deal with issues with your XW. You have been given some great advice. I know you will be ok.

Again, Congratulations and Best Wishes!!

deb

[sleeper]

Thanks Deb and all.

I had a very brief discussion with kids tonight as they are going back to X tomorrow to start her week. I felt this was necessary due to the confusion they experienced last week when X told them they would be staying with her even though they came to me two days late.

I took advice provided here and explained X and I had agreed to a 50/50 split of time with them, that it was in writing and signed by their mother, me and a judge and it would take another signature by a judge to change that (I had considered showing them the custody agreement but decided that might be too much for them). I informed them there were agreements about property and children during a divorce and our time together was my primary concern because they are the most important thing in the world to me. I'm sure DD understood as she asked years ago why X got the house, the business and "the best car." DS then asked if we were going back to court to which I replied, "Not to my knowledge, I have received no notice so far." I closed by telling them it was an adult matter.

I think this helped them because I learned they weren't sure when they would be coming back before our discussion and I informed them we would be continuing our regular schedudle. DD even commented later she wasn't going to worry about it and instead she would let the adults figure it out.

[SunFunOne]

Bravo Sleeper!

You handled that extremely well. You were upfront and honest with your kids, but also reassuring and loving. That is what they need. They don't want a tug of war. They need some consistency. I'm not sure I'd like the back and forth that a 50/50 involves but it is what it is. I think kids are resilient and can cope with things that they are clear about. Knowing the routine.

Judges don't like to make changes unless something CLEARLY is not working. It does not sound that way to me. If the kids were really unhappy around your fiancee and you - that would be different. But it seems it is Ex who is the unhappy one.

Keep smiling. You're doing an awesome job.

Barb

[sleeper]

She has made the next move

I called DD on phone this afternoon and asked, "Wachadoin?". "I'm at counseling", she replied. X has taken DD and DS to "family counseling" but did not include me as she said the counselor suggested nor did she inform me of the appointment. Previous to this we have communicated all medical appointments of kids to each other (i recently took kids for yearly dental exam and she took them to Ped. for shots).

I have a strong suspicion she is fishing for something to use as justification for her obtaining full custody OR she is attempting to negate DS's question about what would I do if X had a gun and wouldn't let him leave (the boy has great insight of intent, don't he?). She flipped when she learned he said that and drove him straight to a counselor. I didn't know they had drive through service. Point being if anyone says she might do something unstable it's proof in her mind they are off their rocker and need to see a counselor ASAP.

I've never been in a custody fight. The unknown is daunting. I can only hope the counselor is good and sees X has issues.

I'm glad now I had that very brief talk with the kids about custody.

[MrBond]

I suggest you talk to your L about this. Protect your kids.

[sleeper]

I need a new L. The last one generated a concentrated area of extremely negative atmospheric pressure. (sucked)

I have two close friends going through custody battles who say one parent can take kids to counseling without informing the other. I'm reviewing the custody orders now.

[AJM]

It's a good idea to get a different lawyer if you're not comfortable with this one. Lots of interpretation on the part of lawyers. They are not all the same.

Have you asked your friends their recommendations or thoughts on lawyers? It can be helpful.

Something to keep in mind: these battles are a marathon and not over quickly enough. A lot of damage can be done to the kids in these fights. Prep for a long drawn out battle and keep your eyes on the kids. It's easy to lose sight of them in the heat of a custody battle. Always, always, always do what's right for them first and foremost and it'll work out well.

AJ

[sleeper]

Thanks AJM

I haven't contacted a L. I'm waiting for her to make the first legal move. If past is prologue she will. If she does I will counter with a motion for full custody. I was passive in the financials because she threatened to move for full custody if I didn't give her the financials she demanded. Maybe I was foolish but I wasn't going to risk losing any time with my children so I gave her what she wanted. That's behind us now.

I have an appointment with the C she took the kids to last week. She claims she informed me of the she took them to but she didn't. I think she's fishing for/trying to create a reason she should have full custody. She has known the C for over a year. I've never met with her.

I hear what you're saying about watching out for the kids and I have and will. It's tough hearing them tell me things that aren't true but X has told them. I could prove her a liar but I haven't, hoping they will see the truth on their own.

[sleeper]

Should read:

She claims she informed me of the APPOINTMENT she took them to but she didn't.