It's been a while and time for a new thread, I think my last creation attempt got locked by mistake(hopefully). Things are certainly in shut down mode in my sitch, a few things have transpired so I wanted to share that detail. I'm probably in more of a journaling mode if anything, as I'm no longer seeking reconciliation with my W. My primary focus is on forgiveness, that's going to take a lot of work. Life is generally good, aside from the times when I reflect back on the ridiculous of this sitch in total. Here is a history of my threads:
I've done a longwinded summary before but it really boils down to this: 1) I met my W in February 2009, the same month the divorce of my first marriage was final. She was a single mother of 3 and I have no children. 2) We dated and fell in love, I was unfaithful during our dating period and she found out and supposedly forgave me for my misstep, we got engaged in 12/2010. 3) We married in 5/2011. I did many things financially for my wife and stepchildren but was not the husband or stepfather that I should have been. I was sober from 12/2010 to 5/2011 but started occasionally drinking again. I verbally abused my wife on a handful of occasions during drunken tirades. 4) In August of last year my W opened a match.com account and started an affair before we were legally separated. I found this out, confronted her and OM, and she filed a 50B restraining order as a result. I violated this order by coming into her house when OM was there, she called the cops and I was arrested. She readily admits I have never laid a hand on her nor stepchildren, my beef was the OM not her at the time. I offered my full forgiveness at the time and wanted to reconcile to no avail. 5) Haven't physically seen W or SK's since February of this year. I have owned up to my shortcomings and actions and have offered her my full forgiveness. She has expressed no remorse for her actions nor really owned any part of this including the unethical behavior she has displayed during this ordeal. For these reasons and the fact that I am happier without her than I was with her, I am done and ready to complete the divorce. 6) Can you believe this one didn't work out? ;-)
"Time is the most valuable thing on earth. More valuable than money will ever be. When you spend money you can always get more of it. When you spend time you can NEVER get it back. You know how much money you have at all times. You have no idea how much time you have and therefore must spend it very sparingly. You must avoid people who don’t appreciate or take for granted your time. You must loathe people who waste your time, as that is the most offensive thing any one person can do. Time should always be spent doing things you enjoy and what makes you happy. Anytime you feel miserable change something, and change it quickly, before your time runs out." – Unknown
The state of NC forced a year of physical separation prior to being eligible to file for divorce. I am done wasting my time and efforts on her, there are many plenty of other kind people in this world who deserve my time and attention.
Where I last left this saga, we had about two hour conversation on Friday 7/27. Varying degrees of relationship talk, how great her affair partner is with the kids, and she brought up his two million dollar investment properties multiple times. She never owned up to any wrongdoing still insistent that "she did not have an affair" when it is easily factually proven. It is for that specific reason the Separation Agreement was backdated. Don't care anymore and I digress. She thought I was going to backpeddle about repossessing my car. I didn't and we exchanged the following notes to set the rules and document because I wasn't going to risk going to her place or seeing her for fear of her making further false allegations about me to law enforcement. She had verbally agreed to giving back the wedding/engagement rings during the phone conversation.
Friday 7/27
W,
As per our discussion, please bring the following with the BMW to the Food Lion shopping center in XXX on Monday 7/30 at 7:30. Both sets of keys Maintenance records $1000 check for bumper repair 42" Panasonic LCD TV and remote (please put upright in the back seat facing backwards) My college degree from your garage Blue and white striped box of baseball cards from your garage GPS unit that was Christmas present from 2010 Engagement and Wedding rings and associated documents (and any other jewelry you feel inclined to return if it was gifted at a time prior to my knowledge of your extramarital relationship) Anything else that will fit within reason that you want to put in the car, I honestly don't remember what else is in your garage.
I accept your decision although I do not agree with it. I have left this all in God's hands. If you choose to follow through and divorce me then I guess there is a different plan for both of us. I hope you have a good weekend.
Her response Monday 7/30
H,
The $1000 check for the bumper repair is in an envelope in the glove box. The repair quote is included in the maintenance paperwork that I put in the owners manual binder in the trunk. The repair estimate from XXX BMW states $799.62 There is one maintenance document that I do not have (general maintenance and radio fix performed in February), but XXX BMW should have all the records you need. The GPS Unit is in the glove box. The car registration is in the glove box. The spare key is in the glove box. The TV and remote is in the backseat, placed as directed with a sheet over it. Your degree is in the trunk. The box of baseball cards is in the trunk.
I am keeping the rings for now and will consider giving them to you after our divorce is final.
Irked she again went back on her word the following text exchange took place:
Me: You agreed to give me back the rings on Friday. What's the problem?
Her: I didn't agree nor disagree
Me: Look at the separation agreement I signed shielding you and him from any loses as a result of your behavior. Do the right thing for once W, you're on the morals and values platform. I'd also like you to review the charges you continued to pile on my credit after your defined backdated (affair cover up) separation date. That's what my first wife asked me and I actually did the right thing. Stop rewriting the past and own up to your behavior please.
Her: The value of those rings far exceeds credit card charges. I want a smooth divorce process and then I'll make a decision about the rings. You get that I will need a way to pay for legal fees if things aren't smooth so I can't give away that asset.
Me: The charges you put on after you opened your <dating site> account were effectively theft and have nothing to do with this discussion. Think ethically here if you still have it in you.
Her: Pretty sure you are profiting in rental fees from the house you forced me out of (and getting the tax deduction). Saving in storage room fees the last 7 months. The vacation days I had to take to deal with moving out, restraining orders, court dates, etc were all lost too. Nothing else to talk about. We already have an agreement in place. If I want to give you the rings I will after we divorce.
Me: I lose $100 a month and the house and gave you $1000 so you could move. If you didn't cheat and would have just left none of this would have happened.
Her: Michael (affair partner) is not the reason our marriage failed, you are. Remember the Minnesota trip.
Me: Leaving me would have been one thing, you cheated, GOT CAUGHT RED HANDED AND ROBBED ME WHILE YOU WERE DOING IT. What was your thought process with every charge to my credit after your <dating site> account was opened LONG after your last contribution to the household. Explain that please... Morals and values??? That laptop wasn't for school, it was to recruit your next host.
Her: Don't text me again, there's nothing to talk about.
Me: Of course there isn't, your getaway car is long gone.
Time passed, she sent the following when she dropped off the car:
Her: The key is taped under the front driver wheel-well.
Me: Send me an agreement notarized that you'll give me the rings if I sign 8/27 and case closed.
I PICK UP THE BMW AND MY BELONGINGS, PHYSICALLY NO DAMAGE BUT OBVIOUSLY NOT WELL TAKEN CARE OF. I already know I made mistakes in saying this (and previous things), I was pissed and hindsight is 20/20.
Me: Man, didn't take you long to wear this one out either eh? When your boy catches a whiff of reality and drops you like yesterday's news don't come crying to me. See if he cares enough about you not to make you sign a prenup. I wish you the best of luck.
Her: I'm calling the cops
Then she calls me I didn't respond.
Her: Trust me, after having a $(*$ as big as his you never have to worry about me coming back to you! Stop harrassing me with texts and calls and leave me alone. I told you there's nothing else to talk about. I'll send you a draft of divorce papers and we can communicate ONLY about the divorce via email only. If you text or call me from any number or drive by my house or work or try to get access to my information through my family/friends again I will immediately take out a restraining order.
Obviously trying to bait with me triggers above to no avail. Her statements about contacting her family or otherwise are totally baseless.
I am finding it hard to sell the BMW without taking a loss, so I sent the following proposal to her in email on 8/1.
Hi,
Please consider the following proposal.
I desire a dually signed divorce petition on Monday August 27th. I am in full agreement with you on the divorce and want it finalized as soon as humanly possible. I am going to realize at a minimum a $2600 loss on the BMW as of today. This is including the $1000 check you provided for the damage (e.g. the best I can get for the car at this point is 17k it would be a $3600 loss without the check you provided for the damage). If you have not purchased another vehicle already, we could arrange a written agreement for you to make the car and insurance payments until such a point (6 months I believe you mentioned) that your credit enables you to purchase the vehicle as per our prior verbal agreement. This could also be stated in writing in the divorce petition. I could title the car in your name assuming that does not leave me high and dry on liability for the vehicle since the financing is currently in my name. If we also agree in writing that you will return the engagement and wedding rings I will burden the cost and legwork of filing the divorce petition. You will have a signed petition by me that you can sign on the morning of August 27th. I desire no further contact with you in any/way shape or form after the business of this has been completed, this can also be put in writing in the divorce petition.
Please let me know your thoughts on this as soon as possible preferably by noon on Thursday 8/2.
This is win/win proposition as I don't lose $2600 and you end up with the car that you wanted. I will see if I can find some legal paperwork that would show a precedent for this and send it to you. I was at legal risk at the point you said you were filing for divorce while you still had possession of a vehicle I was liable for, without a written agreement in place, that is why I needed to get the car back.
I have been more than reasonable through this entire ordeal, please consider doing something reasonable here that is mutually beneficial. The car will be sold tonight if I don't hear back from you by 5pm.
W response
You made the move to take the car from me because I voiced my desire for divorce. I was making payments and working towards establishing credit to buy the car, but you wouldn’t allow the required time. You got angry because I want a divorce and you used it as a way to cause me hardship. You followed up taking the car with your abusive texts. It’s your usual behavior pattern. Nothing has changed in regards to the way you control your anger or your behavior.
The value of the car is much higher than $17k. If you are able to sell the car after only 2 days then I would think you are settling for less than what you can get for it. I recommend you put the car up for sale and ask payoff for it.
You should note that there is a 100k mile extended warranty on that car. It’s actually a longer warranty than what we were told at the time of purchase. On the back of one of the service invoices (in the owners manual) I wrote notes on the warranty coverage.
I do not want to have to continue to deal with your threatening and harassing texts or calls or emails about the vehicle. I do not want it. I thought you had planned on keeping the vehicle yourself to drive, but if you’re not, I think you need to sell it for more than what you have been offered for it today.
I’m going to ignore your ring proposal. The value of the rings versus the value of you doing legwork is not a fair comparison.
I’m glad that you agree to the divorce. I’d like to have it completed as soon as possible as well.
My response:
1) I was advised given the scenario with car, that if you had possession of the car and filed for divorce, that you could argue that it was "gift", and a judge could make me sign the title of the car over and continue to be on the hook for the loan. I was not trying to cause you hardship, you have two automobiles at your disposal and two drivers. I was protecting myself given your actions toward me financially in every other circumstance, there is plenty of evidence to backup my need to protect myself here. 2) No text I sent to you was in any way abusive, read them again. Pointing out unethical behavior is not abusive. 3) Please provide me the BMW website/login/owner information for the car. 4) Thank you for agreeing to turn over the engagement and wedding rings, please advise how I can take possession of them after I sign on 8/27. So you are going to serve me with the paperwork that I can sign on August 27th correct? It would be wonderful if I did not have be served at my job, if you want to sign it and drop it off at a notary I will sign it on August 27th assuming it is a cut and dried divorce petition. 5) The value of the rings is irrelevant. The issue around the rings is about right and wrong and the commitment we made to God with our marriage.
I was not trying to cause you hardship, I was protecting myself and given your past behavior I had no choice. If we put a LEGAL AGREEMENT in place it protects both of us and you get to have the car that YOU WANTED.
Her response:
Your email below is crap and full of lies and I’m not agreeing to or acknowledging any of it. You are constantly trying to get me to fall into some sort of legal trap.
Regardless of what you were advised, you made the decision to take the car from me. As I told you when you took the car– The ONLY thing we have to talk about is divorce papers.
I don’t know when I will file, but if/when I do I will list your home address. I will request that they not be served to you at work, but I’m not sure I have any control over that. You are free to file as well and you have my home address (I’m a full-time telecommuter now so work and home are the same).
Again, outside of divorce paperwork, don’t contact me about anything.
My response:
I am not trying to legally trap you in any way. There is nothing left to legally be decided aside from the dissolution of the legal marriage contract itself.
Please send me the BMW account information. If you are not going to have a petition that I can sign on Monday August 27th please advise me of this. Thank you being open to returning the wedding engagement rings (there is nothing legal about this statement obviously). I assure you that the divorce process will be more than easy.
Her response:
UserID: Her Email Password: <myname2> (My name as the password how hysterical is that... lol)
And that's it... No communication since last week.
I'm patiently waiting a draft of papers to review from here but I'm sure it will never come. I will be forced to do the work and burden any cost associated with putting the bow on this one. A year ago I would have never thought I would say this, but I literally can't wait for it to be over. If there's not something for me to sign on 8/27 from her, she will have a notarized signed divorce petition on that day.
I am doing great and working on forgiveness, if I ever get to that point remains to be seen. My life is truly better off without her, work is great and I am having a great time personally as well. This ordeal has greatly changed me though I will say, I have an internal checklist that will be ran through before I trust another human being in any capacity.
GAL activites: Selling the car (price is down to $19,500 anyone interested? lol) Pinehurst trip this weekend, followed by weeks vacation to the coast starting next Thursday. First week long vacation since this whole ordeal started, and first long trip since W and I Cancun vacation in 4/2011. Greatly looking forward to it!
I again want to thank everyone who has taken time to read and provide advice on my sitch. You all have really been a godsend and I don't know what I would have done without the support. Regardless of what is going on in your sitch and whichever way it goes always remember that you will come out on the better side because of it. I am very much looking forward to closing this chapter of my life and enjoying the next one... And a future one with a woman whom deserves my time and attention.
Just over two weeks and whatever court delay and this should be a wrap... I'm going to try and give back to the community as much as I can mainly in support mode since I never really grasped the concepts obviously, but in my case I really don't think there is anything else I could have done to change the outcome. By her own families admission W is extremely materialistic, and her behavior proves this. She had a plan and executed it to perfection, perhaps karma and her maker will teach her some lessons, I can't and am no longer interested in trying. I'm no longer playing the victim here, I'm considering myself the victor instead and looking forward to what life has in store. The exciting thing is that I've finally realized the blessing of total freedom, minus my work obligations I am free to do whatever I want whenever I want since I am only responsible for three dependents now... Me, Myself, and I. ;-)
Good luck to all in your respective sitch's!!!
me 38 W 30 T 3 M in 05/2010 Separated 08/2011 Stephchildren (all hers) SS17, SS12, SD8 I filed 8/27, she countered I filed response 9/5 Anxiously waiting on the judge!
Broken, sorry you weren't able to piece this back together. But I think you are on the right track with forgiveness. There is an awful lot of anger and resentment in your communication with W...you seem to throw digs in there continually. You want her to accept her part in it, you want her to admit she was wrong....but you can't control her. Stop trying. You are clearly hurt, but you've got to let it go. Stop trying to make her see it your way, stop trying to get her to admit her wrongdoings, stop trying to make her see your pain, and stop letting her wrongs make you feel all those negative feelings. Let it go....and do it for yourself.
I could point out loads of things but I've done that for months so I'm not wasting my energy. my mouth was literally hanging open reading that. I really wish you W was on this board, I think she needs the support.
Please for the good of the women in whatever state you're in...go to counselling and don't date for 2 years.
Admittedly I didn't handle the communications well. Admittedly I am struggling terribly with forgiveness. Outside of any dealings with my STBX wife I am doing great, I realize that in reading my story here that may sound questionable.
Brit, I value your feedback and respect your opinion. I am not dating and don't plan to in the near future. I do go to counseling. Only time will tell if I am going to be open to trusting another woman again. I'll disagree that my W needs any support, she made her bed and life will do with her as it may. As I said in my text to her, I deserved for her to leave me. I did not deserve the other behaviors she exhibited specifically robbing me blind while she enjoyed her affair on my dime.
I have read sitch after sitch after sitch on this board and many other places and really have not seen anything close to the ridiculousness that is mine... Aside from what I have learned through this ordeal, the only positive I see in this sitch is the fact that we bore no children, for that I am EXTREMELY thankful.
Breakdown, you are right on with all of your points. I am struggling to let it go. I am waiting for her to say "I was wrong and I'm sorry". I haven't laid out many of the "facts" here as they would again portray me as a victim, but is a fact that her financial raping of me continued long after she started her affair. Certainly she knows what what she did is wrong, she just chooses not to admit it. I have fully admitted to my wrongdoings in the marriage I don't see why she just won't "woman up" and own up to hers. I guess it is controlling to continue to note the facts to try convince her to express her wrongdoing. There really is nothing further to deal with aside from the paperwork, so these "trigger events" that get me spun up are coming to a close. Getting the car back in dissarray was quite similar to going back to house with a refrigerator full of rotten food and her and the SK's garbage left behind as a "favor" for me to clean up and donate for a tax writeoff... Classy once again. Obviously it pissed me off.
The good thing is the communication should improve because there really shouldn't be anymore. She will be doing no further cake-eating on my account aside from the likely outcome of her not filing the petition and letting me also absorb that cost.
And today's plus, last anger management/DV class today and I get my letter for dismissal! If I ever get married again and catch my wife in an affair I certainly won't be confronting her or the OM. Sending flowers with an alienation of affection order and changing the locks would have been a much wiser and more economically sound decision for me. Never in my life has doing what I though was right (e.g. fight tooth and nail for marriage) proved to be so costly.
I am moving on, daily working on forgiveness and letting it go. Thanks again for you guys feedback I greatly appreciate it. Good luck to all in your respective sitch's!
me 38 W 30 T 3 M in 05/2010 Separated 08/2011 Stephchildren (all hers) SS17, SS12, SD8 I filed 8/27, she countered I filed response 9/5 Anxiously waiting on the judge!
It's been a couple of weeks and the eligible filing date has came and went, and as foreceasted I feel exactly the same with the exception of probably being more angry. I sent a notarized simple asking for nothing divorce petition to my W on Monday with the following note. As you can see in my communications I got increasingly flustered, using nothing that I have learned on here whatsoever, continually prodding her to own up to her actions as I have mine. Anyone who runs across can use this as a case study in what NOT to do, in my case I am done and over it so it really doesn't matter, with the exception of my anger continuing to get the best of me and not getting my desire for her to finally take ownership of her ridiculous behavior. Given that I no longer want to reconcile M, my problem is that I continue to want her to give her "confession". I post this with the caveat in already knowing I have fully screwed up again, 2x4 as you wish, I already know my works here fly in the face of more or less all advice I have been given. In my defense no one has walked the same path I have, this has been made for lifetime movie level ridiculous. Find your spouse hiding a match.com account charge while throttling thousands to your credit and put you in jail and see if you're not angry. I am doing great otherwise aside from some new work stress and am very much looking to receive the papers she is supposedly signing and putting this chapter of my life behind me.
------------------------------------------------------------- From Me
W,
I know that you ended up unhappy in our marriage and that you have been trying to figure out what you want in life. As hurtful as it have been for me, I have tried to support you with this. Regardless of my actions and acts of unconditional love toward you and the kids (3 all hers) it is obvious that you have chosen a path without me in it. Above all else, I want you to be happy.
To that end here is cut and dried divorce petition, signed by me and notarized. Based on the ongoing financial wreckage that I have fully been burdened with as a result of our marriage, I see no reason for me to also take on the financial burden of legal fees associated with this action.
This is not something that I wanted and I have always been clear on that, obviously it is something that you do want so attached is the key to your desires. If you don't want to act on this please put an alternative document forward to me and let me know when I can expect it. I will sign and return the day I receive it.
I am truly sorry that I failed you as your husband. I did everything in my power to make things right but you wouldn't give me a chance. I hope whatever man you choose to be with is always there for you and the kids, God knows I was and would have been.
----------------------------------------------------------- She calls X 2
From Me:
Hi,
I see I have missed two calls from you. Nothing personal but given the things that have happened over the past year I am not comfortable calling you nor speaking with you via phone given things you have said and done in the past.
Do you have issues with the standard divorce petition I have put forward? If so what are they I am asking nothing of you in this matter except your signature and filing with the court.
If you don't like the petition I put forward I am happy to sign one that you put forward, as long as it asks nothing more of me, same day. If your issue with is not signing is because it's not drafted by attorney I ask you to review the following credit card statement as related to the separation date that you put forward last year, to see if you think it is fair for me to also take on this expense. The charges made after 8/27/11 alone on this statement would more than cover attorney fees if that is the route you prefer.
I am trying to give you what have wanted for the past year and as previously discussed trying to make it as easy as possible.
Please advise what the problem is with the petition I put forward or let me know how you would otherwise like to proceed.
Just a friendly reminder that we discussed credit card debt versus my half of marital 401k investments and you know just as well as I do that the two broke right at even. So please stop making remarks about the credit card debt, etc.
I’m not in a rush to process this paperwork because I simply don’t have time to search for the template that I desire to be in place.
Present me with a form that also includes the marital separation agreement as being incorporated and merged into the divorce decree and I will gladly sign and file with the court.
Also, do we have to fill out financial statements in NC? I believe the filling process includes more paperwork than just a notarized form…? --------------------------------------------------------------
From Me:
This is the response I expected, your thinking is extremely clouded. If you don't see anything fundamentally wrong with the charges you continued to put on MY credit AFTER your backdated defined date of separation AFTER you started talking to another man, as with the rest of the last year I am wasting my breath and effort. The charges on and after 8/27 were on MY dime, not OURS while you were match.com'ing your affair partner. Anything you charged on or after 8/27 was NOT MARITAL DEBT. Perhaps that is morally feasible on some planet but not this one. I will have my attorney serve you at your home as soon as possible, with effectively the same petition and whatever else needs to be done, asking nothing of you in the petition. The cost of this in total is going to be $600. Are you willing to split this expense? If I do this will you keep your word and return the wedding and engagement rings to me? -------------------------------------------------------------
From W:
$600 for what? Attorney fees? Why would I pay your attorney fees when obviously I’ll be paying for my own. Are you going to use a petition form that includes the separation agreement in the divorce? If so, I see no need for attorneys as it would be uncontested. Or are you saying the filing expense is $600?? --------------------------------------------------------------
From Me:
Yes it is uncontested, as I said I am asking nothing of you in the paperwork. I deserve the rings back as per our previous discussion, that will not be in any paperwork.
The only thing I have talked about with my attorney in this is pricing because I wanted to avoid the expense. If you are already paying an attorney just get it done and I will sign same day.
The paperwork fee for my attorney would be $365 and the filing fee would be $245. The filing fee is going to have be paid by someone either way.
How about you look at things this way for a moment, here is an easy way to comprehend my prior point.
1) Look on your BB&T or other account to determine when the match.com account was opened. 2) Compare the charges to your accounts versus the charges you made to the joint accounts that although you were "on the account" I was 100% responsible for on and after the match.com date. 3) Provide any reasonable/moral explanation as to why there were any further charges to accounts I am responsible for after you opened your match.com account. Do you think you would have remained on any accounts I was the owner of after your match.com account was opened, there are obvious reasons why that's the only charge you seemingly chose to hide.
If you had charged the match.com to the same one you charged the medical expenses (which you were "putting money to the side" to cover as you recall), bridesmaids dresses and other items, you obviously would not have had access to those accounts to charge those items.
I will pay the paperwork fee for my attorney to do the paperwork if you will pay the filing fee and give the rings back as we discussed.
Or you can have your attorney do it and I will pay the filing fee it doesn't matter, I just want this over with as soon as humanly possible.
So in short, if you agree: 1) To pay the filing fee 2) To give me the rings back since I am doing the legwork to push this through amicably
Why can’t we find a template that works for both of us and avoid the attorney fees?
From Me
See below/what was originally attached that's what I was trying to do. In addition to doing so offering the alternative of you putting one forward and I will sign.
I don't have time to be a part time attorney either.
Why is this so difficult? Is it not worth $245 to get this over with to you? Do you think throttling my credit after opening your match.com account was in any way fair?
If you agree to pay $245 and return the rings I will call my attorney now to get this started.
Your silence to the unarguable points below speaks volumes. Please do the right thing W.
From Wife:
I’ll work on finding a template that works. Stop rushing me into making decisions!
From Me:
You have had over a year to prepare for this. You want a divorce please either work out something for me to sign or deal with what I put forward, or define how you want an attorney to handle. If the end game is that you are not willing to put forward any money then just be honest and say that. Another $600 in the aftermath of what I am left with after our "marriage" really isn't going to matter anyway.
I am offering to pay the attorney fee if you will pay the filing fee THAT WILL BE REQUIRED REGARDLESS. In this way there will be no questions as to anything.
You said if I made this process simple you would return the wedding and engagement rings. How could I make this any simpler? If your intent is to balk on your word in that regard to that also just say that too.
So, I am willing to pay the attorney fee. I am asking if you are willing to pay the filing fee. I am also asking if you will return the rings since they were contingent on our commitment to each other for better or worse which you opted out on.
Is that agreeable to you? If not then what is? There are no decisions to rush, please either finish what you started or answer the questions I have put forward and I will do it for you.
I have lots of comments about your string of emails below, but in the sake of being mature I’ll save them and keep this mature and to the point:
I am filing divorce papers. I will ask if you can be served via certified mail so that you don’t have the risk of being served at work; however, you and I both know I may not have any control over how/where you are served. --------------------------------------------------------------
From Me:
Thank you, if you file will I still get the wedding rings back?
Please do comment, you have yet to comment on your behavior, and it's obvious why in that it was inexcusable. What would be mature is for you to speak and own up to your behavior in the same way I owned up to mine. During the course of this entire ordeal you haven't taken ownership of any of the nonsense you have put me through, nor have you owned up to the fact that you FLAT OUT STOLE FROM ME. So please, for the benefit of my immaturity, explain why you didn't put the match.com charge on the same credit card of mine that you continued to hammer with hundreds of dollars of medical bills and other charges. Explain to me how that is mature? Or what justification can you give continuing to hammer my credit after your affair started? You have to live with yourself and the way you treat other people W, eventually you will figure out the impact that you had on my life when despite my faults I did everything I could (WAY too much in fact) to improve you and your children's lives. Remember how you got full custody of your kids? Remember why you're no longer bankrupt? Remember why SS1 had a car to drive on his birthday? Remember all your dreams that came true by your own admission? I know the woman I fell in love with has been totally replaced by some other entity but if you have a shred of decency about you must think about these things. It is obvious why you won't speak to them because unless your moral compass has been totally crushed the guilt must eat you up inside.
You agreed to give me the wedding rings back. If I need to file the paperwork to get the wedding rings back then let me know and I will get it started today. Please speak to the ring topic, the only remaining things I desire in any way related to you are your signature on a divorce petition and the wedding rings back.
We have a separation agreement in place, so our divorce process should be cut and dry and not require us to communicate with each other about anything. I already told you I will file the papers.
Stop pressuring me to give you my wedding rings. You’re legally not allowed to pressure me or harass me about anything! So STOP!! --------------------------------------------------------------
I have owned up to and tried to make amends for all my wrongs that played a role in the downfall of our M. She has not in any way and has marked her place as the most caniving human being I have ever known. I feel extremely sorry for her children much moreso than I feel sorry for her. As they grow up it will be inevitible that they eventually realize the type of woman their mother really is. There are takers and givers in this world. She is most certainly a taker and unfortunately I was a giver. She chewewd me up and spit me out to the tune of 50k and a house I still have to sell. I am in a much better place as a result though. I hope she marries her affair partner because I guarantee he will receive the same treatement, she could have written the book on golddigging and that is so blantaently obvious now
Forgiveness is not an option at this point. Maybe one day it will be. I anxiously await the document to show up and I can't wait to sign it so she will no longer tarnish my families good name.
Guess that's a wrap and my next one will be in the Surviving the Big D forum! Thanks to everyone for their support here and good luck to all in your respective sitch's!
me 38 W 30 T 3 M in 05/2010 Separated 08/2011 Stephchildren (all hers) SS17, SS12, SD8 I filed 8/27, she countered I filed response 9/5 Anxiously waiting on the judge!
"In my defense no one has walked the same path I have, this has been made for lifetime movie level ridiculous. Find your spouse hiding a match.com account charge while throttling thousands to your credit and put you in jail and see if you're not angry. "
Actually I've seen worse. Difference is that you still haven't dealt with your anger. Good luck to you though.
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
