Glad things are working out for the better TM. Sorry about the situation though.
You are right to be protective of the daughter. I caution you to be gentle with ex right now though. You didn't ask to be treated this way, but anybody going through all that has a lot of pressure and things to think about even if they can't bring themselves to be accountable. Who would want to anyway, since they are under so much pressure.
I think you are spot on if that helps. Staying focused on daughter and protecting her while your ex goes through all of this is important. She is finding out that what she thought, isn't. The reasons she did these things are still churning and you are wise to keep a safe distance.
I'm impressed with the wisdom and action, TM. Keep it up. Very good role model
AJ
"Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter" MLK Put the glass down... "Yesterday I was clever so I wanted to change the world Today I am wise, so I am changing myself."
TM, I agree w/AJM...you are spot on in taking care of your little girl's best interests.
Yep, MLCers will call upon you and think you are absolutely wonderful, but when their mini crisis is over, you are right back on the castaway pile.
I'm sorry she's treating you this way. It's uncalled for.
Take care of yourself and enjoy the time you spend w/your little one.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Today I had to say goodbye to the little one as ex and FIL picked her up today. FIL is actually the only one I feel I can trust as he has always been friendly and has been railroaded by MIL for as long as I have known him. It was his mother that died, so I gave my condolences to him. I wished I could share a drink with him like he did when my mother died, but maybe another time.
I will not have the little one for a week now so this will be time for me to get busy living and clean my apartment, finish unpacking, and prepare for when she comes back.
I had a great time with her and I know she did too as this was the first time she clung to ex and then gave me a hug and a kiss readily to say goodbye. She is kinda in the Mommy stage right now, but I know that won't last.
Anyway I better go as this computer has a crappy spacebar and it is driving me nuts!
M:35 W:33 M: 5 yrs. Daughter: 2 yr .7/11/10 D Final: 8/7/12
Things have been going well on the home front. Ex is still lying and is still with D-bag OM, which does not surprise me. It just bothers me that she knows that he is not a good influence on D2, but still keeps him around. Not much I can do in that department though.
As for me, I have pretty much gotten settled in to my apartment and am starting to enjoy the single life. Work has kept me busy and wheni have time with D2 we go to the park or play pretty much constantly. D2 has really started to take the adjustment of the drop offs well and is talking more and more! I really am enjoying it!
M:35 W:33 M: 5 yrs. Daughter: 2 yr .7/11/10 D Final: 8/7/12
I just received word that I was awarded my loan repayment program, which basically pays off my loans for doing my job! This is like a pay increase that doubles my salary for 3 yrs and pays off my student loans! I can now afford to by my D2 much needed car seat and toys!
Things have been going good for me. Ex is still trying to bait me and is still with OM, who is now getting a D. Sadly he has kids involved too. I have pretty much gotten over most of the D thing, except for when D2 calls OM "Daddy (name here)". That kinda riles my feathers but, she doesn't know better and I know my feelings are normal for the situation.
Well back to work for me! I hope you all are doing well.
M:35 W:33 M: 5 yrs. Daughter: 2 yr .7/11/10 D Final: 8/7/12
TM, Congratulations on being accepted for the loan repayment program! This will certainly help "ease" the pain for the repayment of your loan.
Time for a little celebration...this is one step closer to taking some of the pressure off of you financially.
Hugs to the little one.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
I just wanted to thank all of you who helped me through dealing with my separation and divorce. Things are going good for me thus far. Still looks like Ex is searching in life and probably will be for some time. D2 is growing by leaps and bounds and I am making the most out of every moment I have with her.
I wanted to share 2 books which helped change my perspective on things a little.
1) I hate you, Don't leave Me! a book on Borderline Personality Disorder.
2) The Power of Intention by Wayne Dyer.
The 1st book seems to fit ex's behavior perfectly and helps me understand a whole lot more, plus helps generate more compassion for her despite her behavior.
The 2nd book has help me the most, in dealing with things. This book has beautiful put into words my philosophy and belief on life that I have always had, but have forgotten to implement over the past few years. I am now getting back to basics and it is working!
I will continue to lurk and help out if I have anything to add. I am stil working on my own stuff so I don't feel very qualifed to do much yet!
M:35 W:33 M: 5 yrs. Daughter: 2 yr .7/11/10 D Final: 8/7/12
TM, Thank you for coming back and posting. I'm sure your little one is growing by leaps and bounds.
The first book you mentioned is an excellent one. I'll have to check out the second one.
Thanks for the book recommendations.
Please try to enjoy the holiday season.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
