If you are interested in my first thread, go here. After quite a bit of soul searching, prayer, and talking to people in this and other communities, I have come to realize that the problems I have that have led to W asking me to move out and filing for divorce stem from chronic low self esteem. So I am setting out on a quest to try and find ways to develop and keep high self esteem so that I will not slip back into old negative patterns. The problem is that I don't know where to begin. I think that one of the first things I need to change is my self talk. I have always talked to myself in a negative manner since I can remember and even when I receive a complement from someone, there is a voice in the back of my head that says "yeah right, they just say that because they don't know you."
So what I need from all of you is this. I need suggestions on how to both improve my self talk and my self esteem in general.
M 39, W 34 M 15 S 14, S 12, S 9, D 7, D 6 Separated: 7/2/2012 Served: 7/10/2012 Divorced 11/5/2012
Writing a mission statement for yourself, that includes the things that you want to work toward internally....the person that YOU want to be every day...
Repeat it to yourself multiple times a day, and let it really sink into your core beliefs...
In time, it will not only be about you...it will be you
I’ve always liked challenges to handle the mechanic of confidence building. I tend toward the physical outdoors type of things. I like to look back either immediately or in memory and realize the enormity of an accomplishment or skill, something that can have practical application. Not something others acknowledge rather something I can take pride in. We are talking about self here.
It can be as simple as starting a campfire with flint and steel, or napping flint, shooting fixe X rings on a five spot target, anything that follows your interests and presents a challenge to accomplish.
So along with the mission statement Mach suggests, what actions can you take, what things can you do that follow it, your interests and GAL activities
BITS Me 55, ACK, when did that happen? Doesn't feel like 55 D 30 S 27
You create your own universe as you go along - Winston Churchill
So what I need from all of you is this. I need suggestions on how to both improve my self talk and my self esteem in general.
SELF esteem.
What do you do that you're proud of?
What COULD you do that you would be proud of?
Start doing or continue doing and do more of.
Make a list and build on it.
Quote:
S 14, S 11, S 9, D 7, D 5
What do you do that makes them proud? Cause their eyes should be the mirror you judge youself on. As a man? The only time I suggest living toward or for someone else respect is when you're a dad or father figure.
Experience is a brutal teacher, but you learn. My God, do you learn. - C.S. Lewis
Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B. - Jack3Beans
Listen without defending; Speak without offending - FaithinAK
the first thing I did to gain some self esteem ( independence )
I went out and did something the wife would not like.
I bought speakers.
7.2 surround sound. Open baffle. 2 subs... 15 inch 350 watts each.
Something I always wanted.
Here was a chance to do something I wanted. That I never had the nerve to do.
I was in charge.
They came on a skid. My buddy had a large truck. We filled it up. The subs weighed 160 pounds each. Then the fronts and centre were open baffle. 5 cross overs. The 4 sides were two ways....
Yea..... That felt good. It was healthy.
I know of others who went out and bought a drum set and set it up in the living room.
Others who always wished to run the Seattle Marathon ( lived on the east side of another country ) so they went there ran the race and then spent a week at North by North West.
See the point I am making. Do something for yourself. This [censored]. So make something yours that when you look at it or think about it.
You think. Yea I was in the [censored]. But look at this swag. This I did for myself. A reward for myself.
Yea..... The best thing I did after the bomb. Speakers. And each and every day I enjoy them.
Flowers always make people better, happier, and more helpful; they are sunshine, food and medicine for the soul. unconditional love is awesome!
Yeah a little retail therapy goes a long way to making one feel good and feeling good can kickstart more.
I have been planning my MLC. I figured if XW can go off the deep end I can have a little fun now that I realize I was never really responsible for her happiness.
After XW moved out I became quite proud of the nest egg I amassed. My L looked upon my bank account and told me to spend it unless I wanted to give half of it to XW and prompt an examination of all my assets. Sooooo I invested in new work clothes, and a few other items in my areas of interest. I built an AR 15 on the dining room table.
Not quite like rebuilding a motorcycle in the living room, but it made me feel good. I also began to live like I used to, on my terms, doing things that made me happy.
XW hated seafood, I have always loved seafood. I have made it a point. I’ve been to more clam bakes and consumed more shrimp, salmon, lobster, crab in the last two years than I have in the previous 30. Not so much to balloon as I have plans and need to stay fit to enjoy my MLC, after the last 30 I deserve it.
What can you do?
JTB makes a really valid point. Being a father you can be proud of. Showing your children how to handle adversity, how to stand for yourself and them with honor and kindness.
I was me long before I joined we, somewhere along the way I lost me in we. She was never able to just be happy and could not sustain we. Now she is she and I am me finding my happiness.
BITS Me 55, ACK, when did that happen? Doesn't feel like 55 D 30 S 27
You create your own universe as you go along - Winston Churchill
I have had a real problem with negative self talk (still working on it, but significant progress). Probably the best thing I did that helped me work on it was a read the book "The Courage to Trust." It's really just a starting point...I have to couple the info I got there with my current matras of:
1) I can only control me 2) I refuse to let other people control my emotions/actions
Creating positive self talk is kinda step 2...and it takes a lot of practice, but is worth it.
