WAW Spouce wife says she is not in love with me.

[witz10]

Thanks A.S it is a frustrating place to be. Its funny I talk with women friends that I know who are married and they have one view and how I need to get out to bars and such. Then I have a really good friend who I talk to about this. He lives in LA knows both my W and I pretty well. He doesn't understand and thinks she will get her head out of her a$$ and figure it out one day.
As for dating I don't know what women want now. Especially the age range I am looking at. Both friends I spoke of said the same thing that I came up with. Women now are jaded from their previous relationships and don't think there are actually nice guys out there. I even got that from a woman I was emailing on a dating site and we were talking back and forth today. She told me I am not her type but we kind of got friendly. She said it too me that she doesn't trust men. Her exH beat her and abused her. Its sad really.

Today my ex and I planned our sons 7th bday party. We are doing it together 1 to save money 2 because he deserves both his parents to be with him. AGAIN I am being the bigger man and she asked me if OM niece and nephew can come as well as OM. We are not divorced and she wants to bring him. She asked if I would be uncomfortable. I said yes it will be uncomfortable it is what it is and all that BS. But I will get over it most important person that day is my son. So I will handle it with kid gloves. I know I will have friends and family there to prevent me from doing anything. But yet again in front of family and friends I am the bigger better man that my parents raised.
I still wonder how she will handle when I am in a relationship and not have me as a back up.
Or when I buy a home. Which she keeps asking about. She did try to get me to rent a place close by but the cost was way out there.

[witz10]

Had my sons birthday party today. What we originally planned was to have a party at a farm. Well with Hurricane Sandy coming up the coast that was canceled. I had a gut feeling, that this would happen. So I emailed my exW or W, whatever she is, Wednesday night so she could read it on Thursday at work. I asked if she had any thoughts or other options. She suggested a local bounce u. So I called over and spoke with the owner. Now they already had 2 other bday parties going on, so they were unable to do a party. However they did have a open bounce. I reserved 20 spots for the bounce and they suggested calling the local pizza place to see if we can get the party room.
Now she calls me Saturday telling me that the farm called and is going to have to cancel because of the potential hurricane. OK so not panicking I called everyone that that we invited and told them of the change in plans. Called the pizza shop to set that up and ordered a birthday cake for the party. Some of the parents we invited were telling me how good I was at putting this together and shocked on such short notice we were able to pull something else off. Plus I had to go out and pick up the party favors and put them together in the bags. She was shocked that I had names on each one.
So party today no problems only one child did not show up and that was fine. We did the hour bounce then went and got pizza which was fantastic. Everyone was laughing and the parents were entertained. One mother even said she was not sure that my W and I were even separated since we were getting along.
Here is the weird part. I wear a ring on my left hand curse finger. I took it off cause I had icing on it. When I went and put it on without thinking the ring went right on my ring finger. I was the only one to notice I think and quickly switched after a few minutes. Just was very weird and I am guessing I was comfortable in dealing with her.
I carried my daughter to her car and gave a hug and kiss to my son. Told her to be safe. Then went over to say goodbye to my inlaws. Who really hate what she is doing. Heard it first hand from my MIL.
Now my W did not really say thank you to me except through text when I set this all up Saturday. Her only response about the party was on facebook and it said "So glad to have been able to save Matt's 7th Birthday party today. Thank you to everyone who helped and.celebrated with us!!" She is thanking the parents who helped serve or is this a psychologists way of thanking me for going above and beyond to plan this in short notice. I really don't know.

I went out with a friend of mine last night. His son is in class with my son. He and his wife are still trying to figure out why she is doing this. He said to me its the engineer in him that says see the problem and fix it. But she is part of the problem. They joke and tell me that they just don't understand what she is thinking as well. Just in time to add another one to the books of people who don't understand her thinking.

I can't wait to tell her that my family is planning a trip to Disney World for my mothers 70th birthday. See how she will take that. I can't wait to go but on the other hand I always thought she and I would take our kids as a family.

[witz10]

Thanks and you are right about it. I can try to make as much sense about this as I possibly can and it won't change a thing.

She had my kids during the Hurricane. I would text her just checking in to see if they were ok. Now I don't hear back from her at all. I called my neighbor and his phone worked. He told me he let her use it to call her parents. Now my cell phone was out and home phone was not working either. I went into the office because it had power and to charge my phone and computer. I got in touch with her parents just to see if they heard from her and her mom told me they did and were fine.
Now later on I text her that I heard no school today and since she would be home with them I suggested getting in touch with another mother for a play date and I got I am fine thank you good night. Not sure how to take it since it was a text. This morning I saw she still doesn't have power and she is dropping my kids off to me at work. I told her that the gym was open. She text me Stop please I know what is and isn't. I have things covered.
I am just trying to help her out since she has no power. Is there something wrong with that, being polite?

[witz10]

Just got my kids. She actually walked them into my office. Usually she calls me to come out and get them from the car.
She said she knows I am trying to help her out but she doesn't need it she can make plans on her own. I told her I was not sure if she had power or not and just trying to help her get the kids out and giving her options she didn't know about.
I remember how I was with them last year after Irene and they were driving me nuts.

[witz10]

I need some advice. How do I let go? I just don't know what to do anymore. I tried online dating and have only been on a few. I am not sure if women are not responding cause I am telling the truth that I am separated and have 2 kids or just not interested.
The other issue I have is the 6 dates I have gone on I felt no attraction to the women at all. Not like I did when I first met my ex. I think this and it just brings everything back up.

We took our kids trick or treating tonight along with a divorced friend of hers with her daughter. Our kids play together. We spoke sporadically throughout the hour we were together. One thing my ex said to me is that my son is picking up things I say or how I feel about there home. My old condo. I don't really say anything bad about dbag in front of my son. If my son brings him up I just say uh huh and not respond. I don't like the guy he is a piece of trash. As for the condo I don't go in because it is still too hard, there is nothing for me there. I also don't want to be seen by old neighbors and be a carnival side show. Plus she has a cat now and I am allergic to cats so why would I put myself through that?
Going through another roller coaster I guess. All I want is to be happy.

[Soul.Searching]

Honestly, it sounds to me like your not ready to date. Obviously you miss the intimacy but it sounds like your looking too hard. It also doesn't sound like your over your spouse, It doesn't sound like your ready to walk away. Your time will come, just maybe not as soon as you would like.

[witz10]

Thanks she and I spoke yesterday morning and she said I am not allowing myself to meet someone since I am holding on. She also said its been a year and a half now why don't we do the paperwork and get divorced. She wants me to make the final call on this. She doesn't want to be the, her quote, [censored] here and just spring papers on me. She said she wants to be friends again but can't cause she questions every time she emails or talks with me that I can take it another way and misinterpret her.

I know we should probably file, but I still want to be with her. She was it for me. Or am I just saying that cause I have not met anyone else.
Her big problem is the way my family is and how volatile my brother and sister are towards each other. Which is true. I used to sit back and let them argue. But now I don't take it. I am pretty much ready to walk away from my family because of the family mentality they cost me the family I had and wanted. But I can't go because I have no where else too go. Oh the irony of it all. The family I have I don't want, and the family I want I can't have.
Maybe we file and get friendly again and that might help out for another future. Who the hell knows.

[witz10]

Gabby I know he is good with the kids and they like him. BUT I am not happy with him drinking around them. He just got his license back and is not relying on her to drive him places. Now he just needs a job. Oh what a winner. Its not just him either his family are drinkers as well. Its not a safe place for my kids or her down the line. But she needs to realize this as well.
I don't know what to do to get off this roller coaster I am on right now. I want to meet and move on but I still want her. However if I meet someone and like them then I can get over her.
What a tangled web we weave.

[witz10]

After my last conversation with my a 2 weeks ago I have come to the decision to give her what she wants. She wants to be friendly with me but she questions everything she does thinking it would lead me on.
So I have spoke with some friends and figure I have tried to give her everything that I could since we started together and now this its the last thing. I am telling her to find a mediator and we can file.
Who knows what the future will hold for us. Like the song says if you love someone set them free.
At the moment she is happy with who and what she is doing. She is friendly with his family and even going to another wedding with him. Which I find ironic.
My goal still there to get a house. Just started voce over classes and signed up for my next set.
I told her parents who are not happy about it her mother its quite upset to the point she might not talk to her any more since she does not like him.

[witz10]

I know I have not been on here for a long time. Well here is the kicker. Later that day I got an email from someone online. She and I started talking and we have been dating ever since. I have been very happy these past almost 7 months. She is getting divorced and has 2 boys. Our kids have met in fact they are coming down from New Jersey this weekend to have an overnight stay till Saturday. We also are taking kids to Disney this summer. So things are going really well.

As for ex she is pregnant with the guys kids she left me for. We are finishing up divorce paperwork just need to sign.
The one thing I regret is having to answer my kids questions about the baby. They wonder why I won't have a car seat for him in my car, they ask if the baby will have their last name. THis is not for me to explain but for my ex. Which I am not sure she has.