Ok then only you can know what's best to do. But it's YOUR grandmother. Forget about whether or not it bothers her. Actually go and take your D with you.
"I know we are separated, but I still want to be there for her." "She still wants me to move out when I get home"
Contradictory. Earn the money for yourself and your little girl. Let your W fend for herself.
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
My FIL, whom I fish for, told me that I can't initiate contact with W for 2 weeks. He says she will start to get curious, and it'll only be a good thing. He even bet me $1000.00 that I couldn't do it to try and encourage me to stick to it. Now I don't really expect him to pay up, but I do think it is a good idea.
This morning she texted me: "Your silence has me concerned. Hope you're doing well." Then she told me about cute things our D4 said. She also has called twice. I know she is reacting to my grandmother's death, but heck I am glad she is contacting me!
I was a little distant when she called, but I didn't want to get over excited.
W just called. Said she wants to meet with Counselor when I get home to discuss what is "appropriate" regarding interacting with our D4. She doesn't want to pick me up at the airport or even let me stay one single night in our home, despite all my stuff still being there and me not having a place.
W wants me to stay at my parents, in their two bedroom apt. when I get in. (Which my Mom, Dad, Brother and Sister and nephew are all already staying there...). I am not going to fight her on this, but it just makes me feel like crap. I cried after getting off the phone with her. I don't understand why she had to call and say that right now. I don't come home for another 2 and a half weeks. I know It's something I have to deal with, but feeling like an outsider from my family [censored]. Yes I am venting, but I guess better here than to her!
Okay, It has been a crazy ride. I got home at the end of August, and it was hard. I let my emotions control me and I was angry, sad, felt guilty because of our daughter, and I did alienate my W further.
About a month ago I found out W slept with her SO (Which she has feelings for still, they just didn't work out because of circumstances on his end. I don't know the reason, other than he told her that "she deserves someone who can make more time for her" Yeah basically BS after he got what he wanted). Like I said, They aren't together, but it sort of slapped some sense into me. W and I have been getting a long well enough and I have even moved back into the house to help with bills for now (Or longer, I really am not sure. It is her call. She says I need to go, I leave.).
I am struggling with being emotional though. Just crying. Like the other day we watched a movie and I gave her a back and foot rub like I usually do. Which is really the only physical contact we have...
Anyway after the movie I got emotional and sentimental which led to a few tears, and the next day (1 year anniversary of our separation) she was really in a bad mood. We are a bit behind on bills, but both recently started new jobs, which pay well and we will be caught up in a month or two. Anyway she said "It is too late" and hinted at me leaving, and her needing space.
Today and yesterday has been better though.
I have gotten positive signs. The other day, before the movie incident, when cuddling with our D-4, W put her head on me. Later W said she wanted to see if she felt something and that she didn't like it. But the urge was there, right?
I know I have to cease all tears and talk of love etc.
Oh and W also asked if I would consider Commercial fishing once more if we worked it out, but then backtracked and said she wouldn't stay together just for finances. I know it has not even been a whole month, I need to manage my expectations better. I just have almost no one to talk to in real life about this.
Basically she fluctuates from being fine around me to saying "I don't like being around you and my life is easier alone". I know I can do this.. I just am scared.
Any advice is appreciated. I really want to be hopeful. She did put an end to her "Deadline" for trying to win her back. She was going to file in Feb.
I am scared. I know its wrong to think this way, but I feel like her just hanging out with no effort other than hanging out won't lead us to falling back in love. Yes I know my methods of pleading or making a case for our marriage don't work either.
I have been better. Now I just need to turn them off completely and let her come around to the idea of reconciliation. I know I can't expect one good month to fix everything. Why do I get so stupid in the moment though?
Anyone have any advice on how to get out of treading water? I am living in the house, and I don't wanna be too pushy, but it feels like she is content to just be roommates and never try and make progress. I know time and patience is important, but it is as if none of my efforts are appreciated or noticed. I guess I just need some encouragement.
I know talking about our M or R is bad. I just am afraid that she will become so used to being nothing more than friends (and I use that term loosely, more like civil co-parents) and roommates, that she won't ever want to consider me as more. I really don't know what to do or expect.
