been a few days since I've posted... been busy teaching at the fire college and doing my best to get a life... bought a new car... joined a men's prayer/bible study group... and actually had a meeting with one of my priests (not at all productive he talked in circles and refuses to counsel me or W because she works at church: is he reading same bible I am?)
I've had a few good days, and a few bad days... met some awesome new people, and while it's been very difficult not seeing my boys the last week, I've stayed busy and it's gone by quick...
I'm still praying (I even learned the rosary) and reading all I can get my hands on self help wise...
last night was very hard as i blew a tire on the interstate and was one of those moments that I normally would have called W for help... but I wasn't able to... keeping convo with her very light and cordial... she rarely answers phone when i call to talk to the boys but txts me not long after saying sorry i missed your call and is everything ok? what's up with that..? lol... oh well...
just doing my best Rambo impression and living Day by Day... (Rambo II if you haven't seen it)... I wish all who read this a blessed day and know that I'm praying for you all... with faith, be good and stay safe...
M:40 W:31 S:8 S:5 D:8(prev. relationship) Bomb dropped: 5/10/12 It's not you it's me MO: 6/1/12 T:14 M:9
Hi ff00, I was going to post on your last thread when you had a bad day but it was locked already.
It can seem so long when they are gone, I know.
Is there support at the men's Bible group?
Was the tire bad on your new car?
I'm like that with not answering the phone when I don't feel like talking to the person. At least she texts you after and is concerned about you.
I'm so sorry the priests are not helpful. That's gotta be disappointing.
Keep going. You'll get through this! Keep posting.
Me54/H47 '08 H is "done" March '12 H moved out Brink of D, December '12 2014 totally reconciled! ...... "I firmly believe in the...absolute possibility of marriage renewal." Jim Conway
yes, bible study was amazing.. good group of guys... will definitely be going back...
no bad tire... must have hit something, puncture on sidewall.. another chunk of cash spent that I couldn't really afford right now... rains it pours...
have one last priest to try to talk to and see if I get any help...
I think W has gone to see and retain a lawyer, so I imagine that I will be getting served soon...
I'm trying very hard to have faith in God to give me a chance... it's very difficult but then again, faith makes everything possible.. not easy... will keep fighting... no other choice but to keep fighting for my family...
with faith, be good and stay safe...
M:40 W:31 S:8 S:5 D:8(prev. relationship) Bomb dropped: 5/10/12 It's not you it's me MO: 6/1/12 T:14 M:9
I was always under the impression that Priests were advocates of marriage... so what I'm looking for is twofold... first, I'm looking for additional spiritual guidance from a Catholic perspective... Secondly, my W has always been very involved in church and faith, and yet finds it very easy to walk away from her marriage... the Bible is very clear on marriage being a covenant before God... I am hoping that a priest may be able to talk to W and at least get her in the same room with me so that we can discuss and get counseled... in my opinion, our kids at least are worth any effort we put into reconciliation... I'm grasping at straws... but I was encouraged that after telling a complete stranger my story, she let me know she had been in a very similar situation and our head Priest tracked her H down and talked him into counseling where he was unwilling before... I was just hoping for the same opportunity... it appears, though that I will not be getting it.. thus far they have been unwilling to do or say say anything to my W because she works there at the church part time... I think that is unfair...
sorry, that turned into a rant, and I'm sure, Labug, you will tear me apart in your reply, but I'm willing to go at this from any angle... Prayer and meditation may not bring my W back, but I feel as though I have to try...
with just a few minor missteps along the way I have followed exactly what my IC and DB coach have advised and nothing has changed... in fact it appears to me as if things have gotten worse...
so, at any rate, tear away.. you may change my mind...
with faith... be good and stay safe...
M:40 W:31 S:8 S:5 D:8(prev. relationship) Bomb dropped: 5/10/12 It's not you it's me MO: 6/1/12 T:14 M:9
No, I'm not going to tear you up, sorry that you feel that way when folks here give you suggestions that may be counter to what you are doing or thinking. The best help I've gotten from DB has been things that I didn't really want to hear, but needed to hear.
Good luck to you in your search.
Me 57/H 58 M36 S 2.5yrs R 12/13
Let me give up the need to know why things happen as they do. I will never know and constant wondering is constant suffering. Caroline Myss
It's not the fact that it was snarky that's bothersome. It's that you are so closed down to hearing other points of view, why should anyone bother to respond. Is this the way you reacted with your W in the marriage when she said something you didn't want to hear?
We've all been frustrated and felt alienated, it's part of the process.
All I can say is stop being frustrated and accept what is. Your W has told you she doesn't want to be in a M with you. Accept that. All you've done to this point is give her more of the same. Is your attempt to force her into counseling a replay of the past?
You aren't listening to her. You're trying to change her.
You've spent a lot of time trying to find someone who will counsel your W. If your W wanted counseling, she would seek it out.
During this time you've been seeking a priest who will "track her down" she has taken steps to move further from you and you say things have gotten worse. What you're doing is not working. And it may be that nothing works, if you define works only by reconciliation.
But you have an opportunity to become a man who can have a stable, fulfilling R.
Put time into accepting your W, and her choices. Become the man you want to be. Look around, find someone you admire to model yourself after. Find a mentor. Continue to be a great father.
Maybe nothing has changed because nothing has changed.
Have you read LITB's posts and his thread. They might be helpful to you.
I do wish you good luck.
Me 57/H 58 M36 S 2.5yrs R 12/13
Let me give up the need to know why things happen as they do. I will never know and constant wondering is constant suffering. Caroline Myss
Your W has told you she doesn't want to be in a M with you. Accept that. All you've done to this point is give her more of the same. Is your attempt to force her into counseling a replay of the past?
I absolutely will NOT "accept" the fact that she doesn't want to be married... God's word is very clear on this... I FIRMLY believe that... I will keep praying, and HIS will be done...
I have not attempted to "force" her into anything... then or now... I have only followed what God and prayer have shown me...
thank you as always for your insight... I appreciate it... with faith, be good and stay safe...
M:40 W:31 S:8 S:5 D:8(prev. relationship) Bomb dropped: 5/10/12 It's not you it's me MO: 6/1/12 T:14 M:9
"I absolutely will NOT "accept" the fact that she doesn't want to be married... God's word is very clear on this... I FIRMLY believe that... I will keep praying, and HIS will be done... "
Then you will fail.
That is her belief at the moment and while you don't agree with it, you have to respect it because it is your W's decision. Do you see the difference? You respect her right to have a decision, but you don't have to agree to believe in the spirit of it.
If you do not start respecting her decision, you won't be able to understand her POV. If you don't understand her POV, you won't be able to show her compassion. And if you are as godly a man as you're trying to be, you know that you need compassion to show her grace. And that's what's needed right now.
Most importantly, DO NOT talking down to her and preach to her about how she is sinning, etc. That's not going to do you any good at all.
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
