I've posted here before WAW left in October her and her family asked me to attend my W cousins wedding in Costa Rica in August only thing I needed to cover was my plane ticket and half of my sons. So I agree to go. A month after I paid my W the airfare for my ticket and half of son's she consults with a attorney and has started paperwork for a dissolution. She handed me the necessary paper work I need to complete to get the dissolution process started but i've yet to do any of it yet. I asked her if she still wants me to go to Costa Rica with her and she said yes? I'm not sure if I can handle seeing a beautiful wedding down on the beach with W knowing a month or 2 later we will be divorced. I'm not sure if I should go or not? Her family will really be disappointed if I don't attend but I'm also sure they would understand if they were in my shoes. How would you all handle something like this would you go?
What if you thought of out as a friends wedding and a chance to have a blast in a beautiful location? Are you capable of seeing w as a friend for that trip?
I believe in you.
Don't supersize your emotions/reaction to w actions. The real you is a happy fun going man. Remind her of that. Go, and have fun for you. Act as if. I wouldn't even hold up the process she had started.
I'm thinking a 180 would be to return the completed paperwork and go on the trip. Make her a friend and be on your top game. This is a chance for w to see what she will be missing out on. Women don't like weak sad men!
Allow her the opportunity to second guess herself..... Be the confident happy man only a fool would walk away from
Me-31 H-24 D3,D2 M 4 yrs WAW(me) 12/2011 role reversal 03/2012 (H)PA 3-6/2012 (H)D filed 6/2012 D deemed "inactive", closed 8/2012 I've moved on 9/2012
Your right. I have nothing to lose. I'll have fun with or with out her on this trip. My son will be there and that's really all I need. Thanks for shedding light on the matter.
Well I made the trip to Costa Rica with W for her family's wedding. I had fun didn't talk about relationship while I was there and was even level headed. Things that would have pissed me off in the past I let go. W actually let me sleep in room with her and our son. I thought for sure the hammock was mine for the week. W is still the same all she worried about was texting her friends and facebooking the whole time. The wedding was nice but also hard to watch knowing my divorce is coming soon. I thought maybe just maybe W would hear the message and possibily have second thoughts. Of course I knew that was slime to none since she has been showing up at church lately and sitting with me and they have has awesome messages about second chances and testomies about spouses who were at their break coming back together because one spouse was loving enough to stay by there side. Even that doesn't get through to her.
So less than a week back and she delivers me the updated dissolution papers for divorce since the last ones I didn't agree with and asked for a few changes to be made. After she gives them to me she says I say we plan a date with S at the new Japanesse resturant that will be opening up in town here in the next few months. (In the back of my mind im thinking are you serious your handing me divorce papers and you want to plan a date night?) Do you think W said that to make me or actually her feel better about handing me the divorce papers?) I would actually like nothing more than to do it but when and where do I draw the line and quit being her friend and start showing her how life without me is truly going to be like. I not saying Im going to treat her bad in any way but it seems that W wants the best of both worlds her freedom which she already has but some what of her family life when she wants it. Is there any chance for me after a divorce? How do others think I should handle this? HELP!
Thanks Cadet for your response. Life without me will look more like not being there for her when she needs me. She is a nurse and sometimes is on call. Right now we do 7 & 7 or a week and a week with our son. If she's got our son and is on call she needs to figure out what to do with him where he can stay or else she needs to adjust her schedule accordingly. I would also say no more together family parties or functions. This will be the hardest for me cause I absoutly addore her family and they are all on my side. But I think she needs to get a taste of what it's going to be like. She thinks we will be the best of friends after this. Not that I won't be there for her but she doesn't need to know that. (Do you think I'm stepping out of bounds on the family together issue since my S may be hurt by it or it hurting the family that has no fault in this matter?) No more answering any text messages from her unless it has to do with our son. Like I said I will still be kind I think I just need to be less available.
Is she thinking clearly I seriously doubt it she is in a MLC I don't think she even knows what she wants out of life right now. Other than being free from me and hanging out with her girl friends partying it up. Am I? Some days I am and some days I'm not. It's a roller coaster to say the least. But church and my faith in GOD has helped me stay level headed most of the time. It's difficult cause there is nothing I wouldn't truly do for her and my family. I wish I could help but I realize it's out of my control.
(Do you think I'm stepping out of bounds on the family together issue since my S may be hurt by it or it hurting the family that has no fault in this matter?) No more answering any text messages from her unless it has to do with our son. Like I said I will still be kind I think I just need to be less available.
I think you lay out some good things here, those are questions YOU must decide. You must make the best decsions for YOU. You must be the BEST father you can be. Sometimes those too things may clash and you must decide what is the most important. I will not do it for you.
Sometimes you can not protect your children from the real world and they must learn it as part of growing up.
As long as you have unconditional love you will be fine. Sometimes in regards to your wife love must be tough!
