Travels My travels were great. I loved New Zealand and living in Wellington and then my fabulous road trip round the South Island. On the way home I went via Singapore to visit a friend and then to Indonesia where Joe came out and joined me. This was the first time I had seen him for 6 months nearly. It was romantic and not at the same time. I had chronic food poisoning for most of the two weeks - not really condusive with finally seeing your boyfriend after 6 months. And I had a *huge* spot on my chin (it was very noticable and I couldn't cover it up). Joe was so sweet and understanding though and really looked after me as well as letting me have privacy when I needed it and it hasn't put him off me He was a star, and understood as he succombed to the bug himself at the end. I miss my New Zealand friends and they miss me too I think as they keep in touch. I think they will be friends for life.
Coming home. Coming home is not so fun. I feel so lost at the moment. I have moved back in with Mum and Dad which in itself is weird when you are over 30 and things with them have not improved. Dad is still seeing his museum 'friend' and I am sure Mum does not know about it. He is very negative about everything from telling me he swore at Mum to telling me he doesn't like my nephew to this morning upsetting me by saying 'God you look a mess'. It isn't fun and is really upsetting. I dscussed it with my sister and we both agreed that my father is un-talkable to and that we are going to approach my Mum and ask her if she needs anything. We are going to have another discussion next wek about it.
I have no idea what to do about jobs. I really wanted to try and find out what I want to do and I just don't know. I don't seem to be able to see the wood from the trees and when I try and put my mind to it something happens like a comment or a thought that just sends my brain into a weird fuzz. I hate not working as it is so boring.
Our house got burgled last weekend and they took all my jewellery. Trinkets and things I had collected from over the years, my wedding and engagement rings, jewllery from my grandmother and another lady who was like my grandmother, it has left me feeling quite bereft.
I kind of have a vague plan in my head that I would like to move away from London to a smaller town and make new friends and a new life, I am thinking about Oxford or down in Devon and Cornwall. It is just I don't know where to start when I have no money. It feels like when I was away I could start somewhere fresh and just get a job and find my way but here there seems to be so many obstacles.
I am being pathetic but thereis just so much going on in my head I can't seem to start. Or there is nothing going on in my head and I can't seem to start.
I miss Joe too, he is home and in the same boat but I can't see it as there is no way my parents would be happy me having a boyfriend to stay and it is very difficult at his. Plus the fact that neither of us have any money.
I am not uhappy to be back in England again. It just feels like an impossible task to start my life. Although I really should be used to it by now.
As odd as it sounds, why can't you make home like an adventure too? Try on several jobs and see what fits. No need to sit around. You wouldn't be doing that in New Zealand right?
Your parents...well you have grown and they have stayed the same. Frustrating but it is life. When you aren't actively moving forward and trying out new things, you can so easily fall into a rut. So your Dad sounds deep in affairville where everything around him that he knows and loves is bad and his partner and that life is grand. Your Mom probably has an idea what is going on but as she is getting older, most likely doesn't want to rock the boat.
How about a seabreeze as I am first? Yippee!!
hugs, kat
Me-53(and learning!) S24, S21, D18, D17 Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming. Dory
Hey J... it took me a while to find you and you havent been here in a while !!
Move to Cornwall.. its a no brainer. Its sooo friendly here and its like stepping back 30 years when the world was a nicer place. Everyone and everything is so relaxed. They have this saying, its like Menyana is I'll do it tommorow.. in Corwall they say, I'll do it dreckly.. as in, when I can be bothered !!
:-)
Hows life now ? I'd say avoid your parents marriage problems, its a journey they have to be on right and maybe they will get back on track eventually. I think all my friends whose parents are still together after 30/40 years have been through the same at some point, mine included.
Me:40! H:37 Together: 12yrs IDLY & left 11/07 ADs 03/08 OW 8/08 Reconciled 05/09 now married! my thread
Oh Ali, that was so weird you posted because I was thinking on my way home tonight that I was going to post.
I've had such a lovely, but at the same time such a hard day today. I went to meet my lovely friend Zoe at the airport today as she is on her way back to New Zealand. She was like my best friend out there and lives out there and was visiting here for a week. It was so lovely to see her but at the same time really hard because she was like, just come back (I still have 3 months left on my visa there and can extend) and I was so happy there it was really tempting especially as I am here starting again, living back with my mum and dad and have no job and no money.
Then I went to meet my good friend from Uni, Hannah. She has just got engaged to her boyfriend and they have been together 10 years. In fact exh and I used to hang out with them cos we all got together around the same time. It kind of just brought up 'stuff' for me, around talking about old times and Ed's name naturally kept coming up and I just don't talk about him anymore.
Also, generally around my peers they are all getting engaged and married and I have to either have conversations around weddings where I have to pretend that I know nothing about it, if they don't know I used to be married, or else it's slightly awkward if they know I used to be married because obviously divorce is not something they want to think about and there I am - evidence that it can happen.
I guess it just makes me feel separate and different to them, not jaded exactly because I'm not at all, I have just had a different experience to them. It wasn't really the divorce as such, it was dealing with the affair, being left, selling our house and dividing the belongings, all that stuff that I hope they never have to go through and comprehend. Anyway, it all makes me feel very single, living at home and jobless and not having a clue as to what the next step should be.
I guess it brought to the surface what I have been feeling all summer since I got back. I also had a great and fun time seeing my lovely friends and having a laugh. In a way it makes me feel like I am young, because I have no job and am living like a teenager again (for the moment!) and then old, because I went through all that in my twenties.
How are you doing sweetie. It's been a couple of weeks since your last post and I've been thinking about you and wondering what steps you have taken to move your life forward?
I can't even imagine how 'at loose ends' you must be feeling right now but you are such a smart, gorgeous, go-getter that I have no doubt you will figure it our sooner rather than later.
I love Ali's idea of moving to Cornwall. Fresh start in a slower paced lifestyle sounds ideal!
T19 M15 S19 XH47 M43 bomb12/4/07 PA5/07 S12/26/07 D final 11/17/08 Back together with no defined R 05/2010 confused....to say the least!!!
Yeah, I have been feeling really down about everything. I got rejected from 3 jobs in one week and that was pretty hard. Stuff with my Dad is pretty stressful although I am trying very hard to compartmentalise it. Joe has disappeared off the radar too, he has gone off to Ireland to visit his relatives but he has been pretty off radar anyway lately.
Still, I am trying to keep positive. Actually some positive things have come out of the stuff above, the money from the insurance came through from the burglary so that has eased my brokeness slightly. Also, not getting those jobs has really made me think about what I want to do next in terms of career and I am thinking of re-training as something, perhaps a probation officer (USA speak Parole officer I think!), or something in social work. I think this would suit me much better than going back into an office job. Also, it would help me living at home if I knew I was doing it for a greater cause instead of having no choice. And Joe being gone, well it is giving me the space to think about me rather than about him and me.
I am pretty down at the moment though, sunshine is just around the corner though right...
I know! Maybe I could become a hard a$se, some how I can't see that happening
Funny thing happened just now, the phone rang and I answered it and it was my sister and she kept hanging up an redialing. Finally I got my mum to answer and my sister was like, you have a terrible echo on your phone. We have such similar voices that when I said hello she thought it was an echo of herself. I just laughed so much I hurt!
He was a star, and understood as he succombed to the bug himself at the end. I miss my New Zealand friends and they miss me too I think as they keep in touch. I think they will be friends for life.