Hi Cyrena, Thank you again. You are probably right that neither of us were prepared to deal with these issues. Well, you are definitely right. I take it, by what you're saying, that you were able to successfully repair your marriage? I hope things worked out for you.
I have finally made plans to do something tonight! I'm going home (because I left Chuck's number there, oops.) And then to the library, then I'll have my call with Chuck, and then I'm meeting a friend and her boyfriend at their house, so I don't plan on being around for too long tonight. I'll be as pleasant and upbeat as I can. I'm so nervous for marriage counseling tomorrow, though.
A friend invited me out on his boat tomorrow after counseling. I'm not sure what to say, because I don't know what the outcome of counseling will be. Will I want to stay with my husband, or will I want to be as far away from him as possible? I just don't know.
We were lucky enough to be able to revive our marriage, though of course it was a long and painful process--and, more importantly, we have come to terms with our childhood issues and are at peace with ourselves.
Good for you to go out tonight--try not to think about your situation much while you're with your friends, and give yourself a break.
That's great to hear, Cyrena. I'm really happy for you.
I got home and husband made some small talk. He said he was making some tea and asked if I wanted to have some, so I said ok. He said he went food shopping for us, so I thanked him for that.
He said that he was going out with a friend from work and would be installing something for him. I tried to smile and just said ok. He wanted to know if I needed anything while he was out, and I said no thanks.
I got a snack from the fridge and just went into the bedroom (he is out in the living room, where he has been sleeping). He already has his clothes for tomorrow hung in the bathroom.
Is he offering to do so much because he is feeling guilty? He is being so cold and straightforward, which I think is a coping mechanism, but he just seems like the complete opposite person. It's almost scary. When he interacts with his friends, he is really happy and cheerful and joke-y.
Stop mindreading him. It's going to do you no good.
It is a marriage. It takes two to build it up and two to take it down. He has his faults too and contributed to the marriage failing as well. Shake off the guilt because it's chaining you down right now.
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
Hi MrBond. You are right. Mind-reading is not helping anyone.
Today is the first time I've felt even the tiniest bit of optimism and motivation since this has started.
The husband went out this evening to help a friend build a computer. I did not feel the need to pressure, talk about the relationship, or be the old sophiedaphne I used to be. I walked through the door with maybe only a half smile on my face, but that's better than normal.
When my husband went out, I opened up a recipe book and tried something new. I didn't quite get to finish it, but it felt nice figuring out what I wanted to make and getting it all together.
I had my conversation with Chuck this evening. I think he gave me really good suggestions. Naturally, I am a little bit skeptical, and it was a bit of an eye-opener for me, but I think I have a clear focus now. Maybe not clear, but an idea as to where to start. Thank you, Chuck! I am going to schedule my next conversation for two weeks from now, and I think I will probably end up paying for another three sessions. I'll see how I progress in the next few weeks.
After I finished with Chuck, I went over to a friend's house. This was really the first time meeting with this friend. We had arbitrarily met her in a CVS one day, because she was applying for a similar visa to the one that I was applying for. She has a fiance, (I think, maybe they are married?) and she had tried a few times to get us to go out with her, but we're both so introverted and shy that we put it off. This was the perfect opportunity to spend some time with them. I had such a wonderful time, just talking and socializing with someone DIFFERENT! They gave me such wonderful advice, which I may or may not take, but they opened up to me so much and opened up their home to me and gave me cake. I feel really fortunate to have met this couple during this time in my life. I was there for hours, just talking. They put a lot of things into perspective.
When I got home, husband was sleeping. I was as quiet as I could be. I picked up the recipe book and started looking through it again, getting excited for new things that I could make. I was genuinely happy when I walked through the door, and wish he could have seen that.
Then, to make things ever more lovely and happy, a friend from the past posted a random comment on facebook, so I commented on it with an inside joke from when we studied together in Italy. She instantly messaged me and said that she was going to Australia for a year in September, and wanted to know where to live. I told her about what was going on, and she said, "Why don't you come and live with us?" and I was like... Wow. I mean, if things don't work out, this is the perfect adventure for a year to do something different. She already forwarded me all of the information. Just thinking about the possibilities and planning it can make me feel exhilarated.
Tomorrow, I am calling the animal shelter and the hospital, which are close by, to see if they need volunteers. I certainly feel motivated right now. I can't believe how quickly things can turn around. I mean, none of this is set in stone, and ultimately I would still like for my marriage to work out.
I can't wait to finish my recipe tomorrow. I'm also really nervous for marriage counseling. But I am going to go into it with the advice that I've gotten (validate! listen!) and with the words that Chuck gave me to think about.
I emailed him with the address for the marriage counselor. I even made a silly comment and added a "haha" about the counselor's last name as it related to an inside joke we once had, just to lighten the mood of something so serious.
I am going to validate, listen, and follow Chuck's advice. I'm so nervous, but I think it will be good.
You sound like you are doing GREAT! Keep up with the GAL and you will feel better and better. You can still be sad about what's going on in your sitch, but you will have a good life in many other ways and it will help moderate your emotions.
Adinva 51, S20, S18 M24 total 6/15/11-12/1/12 From IDLY to H moving out 9/15/15-3/7/17 From negotiating SA to final D at age 50 5/8/17-now: New relationship with an old friend __ Happiness is a warm puppy.
