1702, in case you're still reading, you imply there is absolutely nothing you can do better, nothing for you to improve. There has only ever been one perfect person, and you're not him. I do hope you find a way to move forward. All the best,
Adinva 51, S20, S18 M24 total 6/15/11-12/1/12 From IDLY to H moving out 9/15/15-3/7/17 From negotiating SA to final D at age 50 5/8/17-now: New relationship with an old friend __ Happiness is a warm puppy.
I am trying to find out why she changed... Is that too much to ask? When everyone that was involved with our M, other than her family, does not understand why this happened, it makes a person think. There has to be something!.
Almost every one of us could say the same thing. Your situation is not so unique. Take it from me - you'll NEVER understand it!
Me 53 XW 50 M 18 Years +2 S14 D19 Bomb 10-24-10 Served 1-27-11 Mediate 4-21-11 Civil D Final 6-2-11 No church anullment "A man is not finished when he is defeated, he is finished when he quits."
"As soon as I completely detach, she is going to move on and put "us" out of her mind like it never happened. I do not see a chance that she would even consider coming back because, in her mind, it is her being weak. This is her way and there is nothing that can be done to sway her decision. She resents the fact that legally, we are married now."
If you truly believe this, then your marriage is over, bacause if pursuit doesn't work and detachment doesn't work, what does that leave? Are you going to hang on trying to figure her out for the rest of your life, long after she's moved on, and perhaps even re-married?
Why don't you accept the very real possibility that you're going to have to grow old with someone else? Then perhaps you'll quit seeking logical answers to emotional questions, and start doing what actually might work.
Me 53 XW 50 M 18 Years +2 S14 D19 Bomb 10-24-10 Served 1-27-11 Mediate 4-21-11 Civil D Final 6-2-11 No church anullment "A man is not finished when he is defeated, he is finished when he quits."
1702 - I have thought of a lot of things to say to you because I see ME in your situation. If you look at my early posts - I was YOU. I'll be brief.
The road to ANY type of recovery - albeit from a situation from your own making or the making of someone else - is with you. Once I LISTENED to what my wife said and what the folks on the boards had to say things changed.
Looking inward hurt like hell. Shining a light on the ways that I failed my w hurt like hell. But it had to be done because that is all I (YOU!) control. 25yearsmlc once said something to the effect of you should be HAPPY that you have done things wrong and have room to improve. If not - you are powerless. You have nothing you can do to make things better.
As we have heard, relationships are made of two people. If one of those people changes - the relationship changes. It's a law, not a theory. How are you going to change yourself to help change your relationship?
It's not too late - but you have to find yourself first. The answer is NOT in analyzing your wife. Believe me, brother, I spun my wheels in that mud bogg for months and all it did was make things much, much, MUCH worse.
So much good advice... so many people singing from the same song sheet. Join in and sing with the rest of us. I find myself getting so frustrated with your mindset, we all want things to be better for you that's why we're all checking your thread. Please read all the posts on your thread, from start to finish and process it. Act on the advice, take the steps towards healing yourself.
