He moved out 04/15, EA, possible PA discovered 04/08. We've been communicating only via email and always at his initiative. Now he sent me one a few minutes ago saying We Should Talk about our Situation. How about early next week
I feel sick. What if he wants to bring up a legal separation or a D? I just learned I may have to go out of town for work next week and sent back a short email saying so and asking if there was something specific he wanted to talk about.
Be brave, listen to what he has to say, and remember that you don't have to answer in the moment. You can just listen to him and respond later when you have a chance for it to sink in.
Read DR, and find the 37 tips that are usually posted to newcomers shortly after they arrive here.
Do you know what went wrong in your marriage? Is there anything that you can look at as a needed wake-up call to improve yourself for your own benefit?
Adinva 51, S20, S18 M24 total 6/15/11-12/1/12 From IDLY to H moving out 9/15/15-3/7/17 From negotiating SA to final D at age 50 5/8/17-now: New relationship with an old friend __ Happiness is a warm puppy.
Thanks so much. I've been following your thread and have always thought about how brave you are. You're right. Bravery is needed in this situation. Have read DR, the 37 Rules and have been GAL-ing like crazy. I feel much happier and at peace with myself then during the 2.5 months when H kept saying he was going to leave.
We've been together for 20 years and starting in Oct. he started working late and not coming home until 9 or 10. On weekends he would leave in the mornings and not come home until midnight. Didn't believe in the OW until I had physical proof in my hands.
I know my failings in this marriage. I failed to be as nurturing as I could have, and wanted to be, because my H is a very detached person and I thought this was what he wanted. I made a lot of assumptions of how he wanted to be treated but realize now that he felt we didn't "tend" to our marriage.
Look at it this way whatever bomb is about to be dropped he's giving you warning. So you come armed...with everything you need to not react.
Like Adinva said whatever he says the best thing to do would probably say you need some time to think. Then you can respond rationally with a clearer head.
here's an exert from the book I'm reading about not reacting: When we react we forfeit our personal, God-given power to think, feel, and behave in our best interests. We allow others to determine when we will be happy; when we will be peaceful; when we will be upset; and what we will say, do, think,and feel. We forfeit our right to feel peaceful at the whim of our environments. We are like a wisp of paper in a thunderstorm, blown about by every wind
I asked him by email to tell me specifically what he wants to discuss so I can understand the urgency. He just responded that we should talk about dividing our assets. So I guess he really doesn't see any point in talking about what went wrong in our M and how we can fix it.
Wife - please don't despair. Do your best to hold it together. Try to treat the interaction between your H just like it was a business transaction. If possible, make no decisions, just listen and tell H that you will review and consider and get back to him. Then go see a L. You don't want to sign anything until you review it with a L. This is to protect you.
Later, if you feel comfortable you can share with the forum your thoughts on the matter. We'll provide you with added perspective and then you can make your decisions.
The best thing for you right now is to disconnect your emotions from your H. I know easier said than done, but it is so important. If you are pressuring or pursuing, please stop.
Hang in there. We're here for you.
((((HUGS))))
Me51 W53 S17 S14 M22 T25 Bomb-9/11; A-11/11; I move out 11/11
It's easy to find our bottom, it is our top that requires cultivation.
Every rough spot adds to our emotional constitution. -Barney Fife
Thank you. Your words made me feel better. I had completely stopped pressuring or pursuing. N/C except when he emailed me concerning bills or taxes. It just feels like death somehow that H has shut the door to any possibilities of making our 20 year R work and making changes for the better. I had hoped to wait out his A by focusing on me, changing myself for my own sake.
I know I'm a much different person than when this started in early February. It just seems so fast that everything I cherished about my R with H is now circling the drain.
