Sorry for not updating more regularly. This week has been really hard. On Friday I spoke with her and she told me she wanted a month to think about things and to get counseling. She said after that month if we are both amicable then we could do couples therapy. Everyone seems to think that this is a good sign. Especially because she wasn't even talking to me before. However, its just hard because I feel like I am in a waiting pattern. I have been GAL. I went to Oakland Ca, to visit my sister on Friday. Friends to the movies on Saturday and Hiking with a girlfriend on Monday. However, especially in the morning, or when things don't go well at work I feel like breaking down.
Did you read DR or DB? It sounds like everyone is giving suggestions but you're not acknowledging anyone. Are you here to learn how to get your M back on track or are you just venting?
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
Oh, so she is in Fresno with the doctor guy who I got all freaked out about. She is helping him perform surgeries all week and then going with her dad to visit relatives in Los Angeles. Both those things scare me. First I know that this doctor was grooming her out of our relationship. Second she has a cousin in LA who is a flirt and someone my wife always tries to emulate. She told me that during the month of space she wants us to be monogomous. That she isn't interested in anyone else. However, I don't know what to believe because I never thought we would be in this situation in the first place. I know I am not going to cheat, even if she does. Not for the month. That's not the kind of person I want to be. I think she is the same but now unsure.
It does sound like a positive step that she is willing to possibly try MC. Good for you for GAL. The hard times feel like they won't stop but they do if you can stick to the DB principles and work on yourself.
Earlier you mentioned that you gave her the option to D or separate. Stop talking about D if that is what you do not want or you will push her out the door.
What were some of her complaints about your relationship? Are you doing any 180s? What short-term goals are you working on?
Hey MR. Bond. I have been listening to the sugestions of others. I am following the steps. I have not broke down in front of her. No begging, pleeding.... I am getting a life. I go to the gym every other day (if not more often). I am seeing a Psych and reading a book on Cognative Behavior Therapy. I ordered DR and DB off Amazon and am waiting for them to show up. I am not just here to vent, but venting does help.
No problem with the venting. You should acknowledge the people who post to you though so you can get better help and they know that they're aren't just spinning their wheels.
"She told me that during the month of space she wants us to be monogomous."
Stop letting her dictate how things are going to go. How often does she call you?
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
I have OCD and high anxiety. One of my major 180's is to not ruminate on the situation and repetivly call my wife. Her major complaints were that she wasn't were she wanted to be in life. She felt that I was unsupportive of her Vet School Dream (She wanted to go to school in the Carribean and I told her that might ruin our marriage). I accused her of cheating a few times, mainly after an incident when I caught her trying to hide her phone from me. I have had trust issues in the past. But I had for a long time done much better and continually worked on them. Right now I am giving her the space that she asked for. I think that's the biggest 180 I can do. I do not contact her. I let her contact me.
She hasn't called me at all. Before she left town she asked me to take care of are cat. She just emailed though. I think it is too painful for her to see me.
Are you taking any anti-anxiety meds? The stress of this situation on top of being on law school right now would be enough to send anyone's anxiety through the roof. Some others on the board have indicated that xanax was helpful for them, at least temporarily.
yeah I have started taking proper medication. I know the fact that I am in Law School and working 45 hours a week is a big reason that I find myself in this situation. I am also working on CBT to combat anxiety.
