-You have mentioned a couple times your not sure how to fix some of your w's things like her weight loss. You have to try to realize that you can not fix her nor should you attempt to do so. In her eyes that is you being controlling.
-You have absolutely 0% control of her and her choices. When you begin to understand this it can actually be freeing on many levels.
-Focus your energy instead on U. What can u do for yourself to become a better person, a better friend, a better father? This crisis is an opportunity for you to really understand yourself and find out things about yourself that you may not have had the chance to do so yet. Try to see this as a chance to become the best possible NB1712 you can be.
-Have you seen the 37 rules yet? I will try to find them or hope someone will post them here for you.
-Right now i sense your w needs space and you are having trouble accepting that which I totally get. It took me a long while to see that what worked best in my sitch was to completley let her go and be herself, find herself, etc.. Even if you don't agree w/ any of her decisions you must allow her to make them. You trying to control anything will only push her further away from you.
-I have been in simialr shoes as you. My w has been out of my house for 9 months. It may get worse before it gets better but if you use this time wisely you will be a better person for yourself, your kids, and your w.
So took a big and very scary step today. W has been out looking through rental homes and so I said that is fine but if you are at that stage than I intend to have my pay deposited into an account of my own and I will transfer money for mortgage, food and stuff for kids into the joint account. I am not sure if I was serious at the time but now I am. She reacted badly saying I am trying to take everything from her and this was not fair. It seemed then that she was actually really worried about her situation and if her decision was right. I was actually feeling pretty good then and thought I definitely have to go through with that otherwise I will not be taken seriously and I will.
However, today I come home and walk in put my keys on the bench near her phone and a text message comes through from her sister whom she is flying out to see for 3 days this weekend. I of course stupidly glance at what it says. It says that the guy hey discussed is coming to their night and is perfect for W and he is keen and they should hook up. Iam furious. She has sworn black and blue that there is no one else and she is not out looking so I stupidly confront her. She is all denial and I would never do that and so on. Now i feel like I may have pushed her to do just that and go try this meat head just to piss me off. I honestly now believe there is no going back for us and she will never let us be together again. It hurts bad
So to follow on from my last post. W goes away for the weekend and we part on unfriendly terms after the blow up over guys. Anyway this morning after she has been away for one night I get a text from one of my female friends who is a facebook friend of hers and she has been a person I talk to a lot about what is going on. The text says that W is now facebook friends with the guy the sister was trying to set her up with. Now looking back I know that means nothing and when DBing I should not care but I am not at that point yet, not by a long way. Detaching is really hard for me. So I of course text W and say I see you made a new friend. She of course reacts angrily and lies saying he is a PT of her sister which he is not and the texting goes back and forth getting angrier and angrier. Again all I have done is push her further away and perhaps pshed into this morons arms. She will also come back with a renewed conviction to leave. STUPID STUPID. Why cant I stop myelf from contacting her.
I am GAL where I can, like tonight I am having my mates over for drinks etc but detaching is so hard. Can anyone give me some advice on how to let her go
Havent posted for a while because I was able to come to terms with the fact that W was leaving. She had gone out looking at places to live so I decided it was time I got my pay put into a new account that hs ehad no access to and I would move money into a joint account for things like bills, food and stuff for kids. So she freaked out a bit about this at first and then moved on and she said she had found a place that she thought looked nice and I said fine do what you have to do.
Couple days later after having not discussed the topic again I get a text message which was a photo of her in some seriously sexy lingerie with a message that said if I keep being a good boy I can get some of this. What???????? Talk about 180s!
So I am very confused obviously, pleased that she is thinkning about working it out but realy confused. So I sit her down and talk about it and she says her mum talked her into it but I dont believe that cause her mum has been saying to do what is good for her the whole time. I honestly think that she staying only because she is scared of the financial ramifications of leaving and as soon as she has enough cash she is gonna bolt for the door. In sort I do not trust her at all.
I told her to get back on track at some point we are going to have to display affection toward one another so she said she would try and for a few nights she gave me a cuddle while watching TV and a kiss good night (she still sleeps in separate room). But then another message saying she feels under pressure to have to do these things. I am not asking for sex or anthing big, indeed I was not asking that anything happen right now. I am really not sure what is going on right now, so confused. Part of me just wants her to get out so I can move on cause I feel that is where we are heading regardless as I can not see her ever letting me get close to her. I want it to work between us but have to question her motives.
