i'm good. i'm fine. more than fine.

[BFloat]

thank you. i do feel at peace. it doesn't mean i don't feel extreme sadness.. but i am at peace.

i drafted a letter i am intending to send to H. it starts w/ the RV way.. i'd love to have some feedback..


Dear H,

Thank you for being my biggest support and my best friend for almost 12 years.

This may be the hardest letter I have ever had to write. My strongest feeling today is extreme sadness. Sadness that I have to write it.. sadness that we are here today.

H, i never intended for you to feel that I was trying to change you. I realize now that we have both been trying to do what we felt was best and there is nothing wrong with that. We made our decisions and choices to the best of our abilities with the information that we had.

I love you. Through the ups and downs.. I have always loved you. And now… I know.. that I love you enough to want you to be happy. To want you to find yourself and find out who you are. i may never be the woman you need me to be and you may never be the man I need you to be. And I love you enough to want you to find that. Someone who loves and supports you.. and inspires you to be an amazing man.

I don’t regret a moment of “us”. I wouldn’t do anything differently.

I really got lost over the years. I became a shadow.. and never felt like I was good enough. But I recognize now that it was never you that said it. It was always me. I was the one that convinced myself I wasn’t pretty enough.. or thin enough.. I was the one that convinced myself that I didn’t measure up.

I think we both know that our current situation is not working. It hurts me to see you struggling and feeling so lost.

We need to discuss the house. Figure out child support.. custody/visitation arrangements.. I’m hoping by doing that, it will be much clearer what your financial obligations are and that will make it easier for you to find your own place so that we can both begin to rebuild our lives for ourselves.. and with S and D. I love those 2 so much!

I want to see you succeed. I want you to find passion and your own happiness. I can honestly say that I have started to find mine. I don’t want us to become a hindrance in each other’s lives. I don’t want us to look back on our time together with anger or bitterness. It was a gift. I didn’t see it then. But I see it now.

I’m not sure where our story ends.. or maybe it’s just the beginning.. I don’t know. I only know that I feel ok with moving forward. I think you feel that way too.

Always,

BF

[labug]

Dear H,

Thank you for being my biggest support and my best friend for almost 12 years.

This may be the hardest letter I have ever had to write. My strongest feeling today is extreme sadness. Sadness that I have to write it.. sadness that we are here today.

H, i never intended for you to feel that I was trying to change you. I realize now that we have both been trying to do what we felt was best and there is nothing wrong with that. We made our decisions and choices to the best of our abilities with the information that we had.

I love you. Through the ups and downs.. I have always loved you. And now… I know.. that I love you enough to want you to be happy. To want you to find yourself and find out who you are. i may never be the woman you need me to be and you may never be the man I need you to be. And I love you enough to want you to find that. Someone who loves and supports you.. and inspires you to be an amazing man.

I don’t regret a moment of “us”. I wouldn’t do anything differently.

I really got lost over the years. I became a shadow.. and never felt like I was good enough. But I recognize now that it was never you that said it. It was always me. I was the one that convinced myself I wasn’t pretty enough.. or thin enough.. I was the one that convinced myself that I didn’t measure up.

I think we both know that our current situation is not working for me. t hurts me to see you struggling and feeling so lost.

We need to discuss the house. Figure out child support.. custody/visitation arrangements.. I’m hoping by doing that, it will be much clearer what your financial obligations are and that will make it easier for you to find your own place so that we can both begin to rebuild our lives for ourselves.. and with S and D. I love those 2 so much!

I want to see you succeed. I want you to find passion and your own happiness. I can honestly say that I have started to find mine. I don’t want us to become a hindrance in each other’s lives. I don’t want us to look back on our time together with anger or bitterness. It was a gift. I didn’t see it then. But I see it now.

I’m not sure where our story ends.. or maybe it’s just the beginning.. I don’t know. I only know that I feel ok with moving forward. I think you feel that way too.

Always,

BF

I can only imagine how hard this is for you.

(((bf)))

[rickb89]

I am continually inspired by you and admire your incredible honesty, ability to love despite the pain, your amazing dignity, so much more too.

I can only imagine how hard this had to be yet you did this without ever once selling out, without ever losing the high road, while never losing sight of the incredbile gift you both created in those two amazing kids of yours.

Its is a tragedy in many ways what happened, yet you have given your husband yet another purely beautiful gift in addition to your love, and the kids. He may be the most fortunate man alive and hopefully he will see that despite the pain you stayed on the highest path any woman ever could have. I hope he knows, and I'm sure he will, recognize that you just gave him the most selfless gift of love I, for one, have ever seen.

So you found yourself again and that is another gift. Pressure creates diamonds and you are certainly one of them.

You will find what you deserve.

[adinva]

labug caught the things that caught my eye, which were places where you kind of put words in his mouth. I thought your letter should focus on your own thoughts so I would have modified those too.

I thought the confessions in it were fine and touching.

I think the expression of love is important for you to say.

I don't know anything. I can just offer my prayers and support and ((((hugs))).

[labug]

another suggestion:

I don’t regret a moment of “us” but our current situation is not working for me.

[rickb89]

Hey. I didn't know you were asking us to suggest changes! Hell, i thought it was perfect. How could it not be? Its from the heart.

[JoyfulGirl]

i love who i have rediscovered. i am a caring, compassionate individual who truly feels no remorse for the choices i made in trying to save my marriage. i committed to the best of my abilities to fight for what i believed in and still believe in.

i harbour no ill will towards H. i love him. he is a good person. he needs to find himself.. and i love him enough.. and myself enough.. to wish him the very best.

i didn't know where this journey would lead me. i know i didn't think it would lead me here. but this is where i am.

Man, bf...this is so profound and gorgeous!

I completely believe that the pain we are faced with in our lives is where all of the important lessons we need to learn are. So many of us lose our sense of Self in relationships...we lose that delicate balance between *being* with and loving another and maintaining our own identity. As difficult as it is to go through these uncertain times, we are re-awakened and ideally reacquainted with the love we need to have for ourselves. Without it, we simply cannot enjoy healthy relationships with others.

Bless you, bf...you have so much courage and strength.

[BFloat]

i'm looking for feedback.

i wasn't trying to db.. i'm not trying to change his mind.. or make him feel guilty.. i just wanted to share my feelings (which is essentially what we have been doing in RV) and let him know where my heart is.

that's all i got.

[adinva]

Hey, you know these boards...no one waits for an invitation to suggest changes! Hopefully Chris will just do what is in her heart.

[labug]

Yes, you know what is best for you.