Since I realised my H has been involved with someone else, I've researching different types of affairs. I've read a couple of books but also came across [*]
Apart from buying one very dodgy e-book when all of this first started, I've been trying to stay clear of all e-books and dodgy looking websites trying to capitalise on people's pain and misery. [*]
As my posts are still not appearing I am starting to lose track slightly of what I've already said. I do not, however, think my H's affair was an 'exit affair' I think it is more of a 'my marriage made me do it' type affair. Does anyone have any experience or thoughts on how to deal with this?
Since my H sent me his terse reply 6 days ago I haven't responded and am planning on going NC. I really am no longer in his thoughts though so have doubts he will actually notice and/or experience the loss of losing me...
Thanks for the book suggestions. I thought I'd read every book on marriage in the last year or so, but I found a few I hadn't. There are several books with the title passionate marriage-do you remember who the author was? Thanks.
M36 XH34 M-5 T7 4/11 H confused 5/11 ILYB 6/11 OW discovered 7/11 I move out, OW over 5/12-OW2,done->new EA, but H wont file 9/12 H "best bf ever" to EA/OW3 3/13 H/OW break up H files 4/13 D 6/18/13
I know the DB site is about saving marriages. I genuinely DO NOT believe in divorce and want to make my marriage work. I still believe that if BOTH of us were willing we could get past the A (and the other issues in our relationship) and create a marriage where we feel happy, love and respected.
H though has made is abundantly clear he is not interested. In his mind, in many ways I am now the OW in the relationship.
Feeling though my situation is hopeless and would be kinder to myself to accept things are over now.
H's apathy is far worse than anything else he could have thrown at me. Anger would at least show he still cared.
From H's perspective he has a job he loves, has someone who makes him feel good about himself (and like he is the only person that matters), a good circle of friends and a good lifestyle. Coming back here, means not only coming back to me (someone he no longer loves or probably even likes anymore), a marriage that would take a lot of hard work and effort with no guarantee of it ever actually being happy, no job (his job is very important to him), the reality of life with its many day-to-day chores and errands, and no close friends nearby (living in a university town a lot of my H's close friends have since moved away). I can appreciate it is not an appealing prospect and, if the situation was, reversed and I didn't feel so strongly about not divorcing/always being committed no matter what, I would also probably try to hold onto my new found happiness like grim death.
I have never been particularly spiritual or religious. Since this crisis started I (like many others) have been trying to develop my relationship with God.
For the last several months I have been asking God to guide me. I have been focussing on how I should restore my marriage and reconcile with my husband, not just because I am completely heart-broken without him, but also because I thought it would be God's will. Increasingly, however, I have questioned if I have been in denial and have not been hearing God's voice. I am now wondering if that, perhaps instead God wants to lead me towards sacrifice and letting my husband go. As much as the pain is beyond anything I thought I could ever feel, and I have been unable to get any sense of peace, perhaps God wants me to love my husband selflessly, even if that means freeing him to pursue his happiness without me (e.g. if you love something set it free).
