I keep saying in my head "well, she's different, and we're different." As if this information and these ideas don't apply to our situation because we're somehow different. And I'm sure others may feel the same way, as if their sitch is unique somehow. What I have to remember: we're humans and human nature is human nature. I'm just trying to keep that in the forefront of my mind as I navigate the current waters.
Do your best to manage the anger. You know where that will lead. It's hard, but the right thing to do. I struggle with it myself and often think this would be easier if I would just hate my wife - but I don't want that, and I am betting you don't either.
Midwest Look at it this way your situation "may" be different, but what do you have to lose in trying the techniques? If they work great, if they don't try something else.
I got a text from my W yesterday, remarking on a comment I made on social media. It was a pleasant enough text, but it seemed like she was trying to say "I'm watching what you're doing." Which is just fine. I'm trying the "mystery-through-social" idea. Just trying to have a good time and enjoy life on my own, knowing there's nothing I can directly do right now in terms of working on the M. Those steps have to be taken by the one who left.
I put a few posts on facebook today about buying new clothes and being ready for a fresh start. and then i got a message from H asking if I was okay. Haven't spoken to him in days, but I seem to be happy and he has to check in. I'm done with the negativity and all of my posts will only be upbeat from now on. That's one of the easier parts of DBing for me, so I can easily stick to that and maybe he'll notice what he's missing.
M36 XH34 M-5 T7 4/11 H confused 5/11 ILYB 6/11 OW discovered 7/11 I move out, OW over 5/12-OW2,done->new EA, but H wont file 9/12 H "best bf ever" to EA/OW3 3/13 H/OW break up H files 4/13 D 6/18/13
Well, i completely regressed tonight. Text my W that I missed her. Got into a back and forth about how I hated the fact that we were in this situation and not communicating and in general, laying out my feelings. She said again that she wanted to get together to talk. I have no idea what that means, but that if I "said the word" she'd want to get together to talk. I am just so sick of the uncertainty of this situation. I need to get control of my emotions but I can't stand not having control over the fate of my marriage and my future. It is honestly maddening.
She said again that she wanted to get together to talk. I have no idea what that means, but that if I "said the word" she'd want to get together to talk.
We text some more yesterday about getting together on Sunday. I really don't want to right now. We went back and forth on text. She wrote something to the effect of "I watch you from afar (on social media) and it looks like you're happy and having such a good time. I don't want to hold you back anymore than I already have."
I feel that the line "I don't want to hold you back" is such a cop-out.
To that text, I replied "you have never held me back. I've always wanted to work on our M. I've never wanted to throw it away. But I cannot or will not convince you how to feel."
Heard back nothing from there.
She has said she is happy to see me living my life and having fun. But there are so many unresolved questions. She has said she wants to have honest, open conversations about our feelings. So I'm trying to do that the best I can but I'm slipping.
A tough area for us is our living situation right now. She's back in the condo she owns (an hour away from the condo we were renting, in which I currently live). The lease I have is up at the end of July. At which point I need to decide where to go. The most logical place is yet another hour away (to be closer to my job). I feel I need some certainty before I make a decision.
So to go back to the original question, I didn't really give the word. I don't think I want to see her right now. (Well, of course I do but my feelings are all over the map).
Any words of wisdom? (For what it's worth, I am reading DR again).
Maybe you could have "other plans" that "just came up" for Sunday if you don't feel like going. The last thing you want is to convey that you don't want to be there, which you run the risk of doing if you genuinely don't want to be there. Meet up with her when it works for you.
