I'm smiling NOT because of the painful parts of this, but because of the steel evident in you now. The change in who you are; as you have stated, and stated correctly...a better person.
Any decision now; will be one weighed fully, with as little regret attached to it as humanly possible.
As for the 3 months? What do you have to lose? If you can then allow it; if it is too much then don't. This is your call and again; now the call you make is the coming from the currently best possible Queen.
No anger, no emotion, no blind hope, no despair either; but emotion tempered with logic.
Good for you Queen.
Really good for you.
Experience is a brutal teacher, but you learn. My God, do you learn. - C.S. Lewis
Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B. - Jack3Beans
Listen without defending; Speak without offending - FaithinAK
Thank you Jack, I'm somewhat surprised you can even detect the changes within me in my writing. I happen to agree with your assessment. I have nothing to lose in giving H. three months to decide. It costs me nothing. In any event, it will be either a finish line or a new point to start from. I still feel sadness, on occasion, but that's OK. If you can't feel sadness neither can you feel happiness. That is just the dual nature of our existence.
I still love H, but it's now more Agape than Eros or romantic love. I hope he finds himself and ultimately realizes his place in this world.
BITS Me-51, WAS-52 Kids 2 M-26yrs, H.left 2009, 2 more Bomb drops, Reconnection spring 2013 Change is inevitable, personal growth is a choice. Love is a action and choice you make, every day.
Oh yes I agree. I am not who I once was Jack. Fire anneals and softens steal, beating on it with hammers hardens and makes it strong. All of us here take a pounding metaphorically speaking. All of us come out of the forge stronger. Thanks for the positive affirmation and sometimes cryptic guidance, Jack. I value it and you.
BITS Me-51, WAS-52 Kids 2 M-26yrs, H.left 2009, 2 more Bomb drops, Reconnection spring 2013 Change is inevitable, personal growth is a choice. Love is a action and choice you make, every day.
I want to thank all of you for your kind replies and the butt kicking you gave me on occasion. I am grateful. At this juncture, I'm not even sure reconciliation is possible. I am not sure he has the capability to love me as I need to be loved. I am not sure I can do the same for him. Marriage is work, and I'm tired. I don't know I have the personal resources anymore to do what's required of me in that area. We'll see. The future is unwritten and the past does not predict the present or the future.
BITS Me-51, WAS-52 Kids 2 M-26yrs, H.left 2009, 2 more Bomb drops, Reconnection spring 2013 Change is inevitable, personal growth is a choice. Love is a action and choice you make, every day.
I am reading some Buddhist stuff. And I know you are tired. I am tired. But I am looking for my second wind. I am trying to learn how to ride the windhorse.
I am not sure where this horse will take me. But I am working to gather my power. I was reading something else about "The goddess of never not broken." Google that. There might be some strength in it for you.
I am a prisim riding on a crocodile!
Me 57 XH 58 Sons age 32 & 27 M:32 D final 9/12 Bought 10 Acres and Living the Dream!
Thanks for your response. I'm happy for you that your finding inspiration in what you've found. I never say never as far as relationships are concerned. Things happen, things change, crap happens. I haven't completely resigned myself to being single ( probably for the rest of my life) but I know it's a real possibility at my age. Look how many of us are out there, the thought is staggering.
BITS Me-51, WAS-52 Kids 2 M-26yrs, H.left 2009, 2 more Bomb drops, Reconnection spring 2013 Change is inevitable, personal growth is a choice. Love is a action and choice you make, every day.
I haven't completely resigned myself to being single ( probably for the rest of my life) but I know it's a real possibility at my age. Look how many of us are out there, the thought is staggering.
QoS - I'm 56, been split from my ex for 3 1/2 years. I too wondered how I was going to find men to date in my 50's.
I've been pleasantly surprised though There are lots of interesting men out there, and I've had generally good experiences with the men I've dated (even the ones who were way too young for me). I'm not interested in getting remarried at this point, but if I wanted to, I'm sure I could. Don't sell yourself short. Ask a good friend to give you an honest assessment of whether you need to spruce up your hairstyle/makeup/clothes. Take care of yourself, diet and exercise and all that good stuff. But also realize there ARE men out there who are going to love you just as you are, and that's lovely when you have that.
I haven't posted in a while as there is little to post. I am working, taking care of my children, many friendships and living my life without the STBXH. It's busy if often lonely We will be separated for 3 years this September.
BITS Me-51, WAS-52 Kids 2 M-26yrs, H.left 2009, 2 more Bomb drops, Reconnection spring 2013 Change is inevitable, personal growth is a choice. Love is a action and choice you make, every day.
There are lots of interesting men out there, and I've had generally good experiences with the men I've dated (even the ones who were way too young for me). I'm not interested in getting remarried at this point, but if I wanted to, I'm sure I could. Don't sell yourself short. Ask a good friend to give you an honest assessment of whether you need to spruce up your hairstyle/makeup/clothes. Take care of yourself, diet and exercise and all that good stuff. But also realize there ARE men out there who are going to love you just as you are, and that's lovely when you have that.