I wish my W would give me more time to work on these things.
NET you are making these changes for YOU. Not to win your wife back. So your wife is giving YOU all the time YOU need to make these changes.
Don't worry about whether she notices or not. Once you make these changes permanent then you will build a new relationship. So you need to be fully healed to be ready for that. Hopefully it will be with your wife but right now you have no control of that.
Well, what helped me is a good IC. I had no idea that I wasn't communicating effectively with H. I had no idea that I feared really hearing what he had to say and accepting his right to his opinion. I learned what I can control and what I can't. It's scary to interact with someone else's real emotions instead of thinking they're wrong and arguing until they see things my way.
I also got a huge head start by really thinking hard about the questions people on here asked me. It was people on here that repeatedly encouraged me get out of H's business and work on myself (both in my thread and in the other people's threads that I read).
Adinva 51, S20, S18 M24 total 6/15/11-12/1/12 From IDLY to H moving out 9/15/15-3/7/17 From negotiating SA to final D at age 50 5/8/17-now: New relationship with an old friend __ Happiness is a warm puppy.
Seeing an IC will only be productive, if you are willing to listen. Up to this point, you haven't felt as if YOU had any faults.
From your list...there are several things that can be tied together. Most of those, you will find, will most likely come from a root source, or cause.
Question....How many of those things, on your list, are things that YOU don't like about yourself ???
When we talk about not believing anything our WAS says. There is an asterisk beside that...
The asterisk is, that the things that make the hair stand up on the back of our neck, and the things that make us angry....there is probably a lot of truth in those things. Those are the things that we HAVE to take a look at.
As far as your list, I think that until you can stop doing your Sybil impression, that you should narrow your list down to small achievable things, and take things one step at a time.
The most recent thing...let's start there....
This morning, on her weekend with the kids, you took a call ( that you knew you were gonna get) and are taking your son to an activity....Even though you said yesterday that you were going to stop....
WHY DID YOU FEEL THE NEED TO FIX THIS ???
(and please don't say because of your son, more of a why did you answer the call, knowing it what it was about)
Net the ADs can't take up to six weeks to have an effect. Also find a cognitive therapist. It can help with the negative thinking and anxieties. When you start worrying start asking your self
What is the worst that can happen
Than when u answer ask
What will be so bad about that
M 53 D 20 Separated 6/22/11 moved out 10/24 Together 26 yrs Married 16 W Filed for D 7/21/11 Served 9/6/11 D final 8/28/12
“Failure is not fatal, but failure to change might be.”
Rick I think you meant CAN take. It was about 2 months for me.
Adinva 51, S20, S18 M24 total 6/15/11-12/1/12 From IDLY to H moving out 9/15/15-3/7/17 From negotiating SA to final D at age 50 5/8/17-now: New relationship with an old friend __ Happiness is a warm puppy.
Sorry Mach1. I believe you are right. Im being honest the call was very early in the morning. She never calls before 8 am so i answered. Honestly at the time I had no clue why the call so early so was making sure I guess everything was ok. Then she told me she just sent his ipod through the washing machine that he just got for his birthday yesterday and my son was a mess. The rule i set up with wife was kid related stuff only. Do you see that as kid related? Or no? Then after that she said he wants me to take him to activity. So what do I do not let him go? It is tough
