Been a while since I updated everyone on my situation. I have been battling depression for years. Actually, all my life. I am one of those guys that can put on a good face; laugh, joke around, project confidence, and reliable for others for help when they are down. Fact is I had abuse and other issues growing up that really impacted who I am and has caused me to be depressed. Reality was I was ashamed of being depressed.
Anyway, this situation I have been in for the past 3 years has really brought about great depression and recently I have been finally addressing it with my counselor. I am actually finally doing a 180. Problem is I have a hard time being happy now and everyone can see the depression even when I am trying to fake it. A buddy of mine out of state when I showed him my picture after losing 90lb said I looked really depressed. I said naw man. Tired
We had a few incidents recently that resulted in my wife now talking to me regularly. What would have been blow out fights have now been actually decent conversations. All phone based and not in person, but I received more insight on what led her to her decision of being a WAW/ILBNILWU spouse.
Recently I wrote a confession letter to myself documenting all the things that I know have impacted me and caused my depression. It was real painful to write. After writing it and talking to my friend about the document (no details, just said I wrote a confession document) he urged me to share it with someone to truly confess. I prayed about it and I decided to share with my wife.
Now I have a bad habit of reading into things because I urgently want to have my wife back. Not having her for 3 years has really been a challenge. With that said I think there are some positives coming out of sharing this with her. We talked in person some last and talked about mistakes I made. I apologized in person. I am still struggling with the urge to leave though. I have a hard time detaching and when I am around her I feel ashamed for letting our marriage fail. I feel leaving would allow real detachment. I don't want to though. Very confused.
Meanwhile she had two major breakdowns and eventually requiring hospitalization. After coming out of the hospital she was on medication and living with her mother she was "forced" to take them. While on medication I noticed changes in her and things appeared to get better. We were laughing. I went on a trip to Vegas and while on Vegas she asked to come back.
Ever happen before? Is she bipolar and/or is she still taking medication?
Are you taking meds for depression?
I don't think your M problems are the result of what happened during the first five years. She is using that as her excuse b/c she doesn't have anything else.
She needs to see you showing strength and manliness. She needs to see you being the leader of the family. Women need to respect the H before they can love him. Don't show any doormat signs and don't take disrespect from her or the kids. She cannot feel romantic love if she disrespects you.
Has she always been the one with the higher sex drive?
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
Ever happen before? Is she bipolar and/or is she still taking medication?
Are you taking meds for depression?
I don't think your M problems are the result of what happened during the first five years. She is using that as her excuse b/c she doesn't have anything else.
She needs to see you showing strength and manliness. She needs to see you being the leader of the family. Women need to respect the H before they can love him. Don't show any doormat signs and don't take disrespect from her or the kids. She cannot feel romantic love if she disrespects you.
Has she always been the one with the higher sex drive?
Thanks for the reply Sandi2. No she doesn't think she is bipolar and to be honest I am not sure if she is or not. She also takes diet drugs and has on and off for 5 years. These drugs side effects have bipolar like symptoms. It could be a combination of her depression and the drugs are amplifying it. Not to put blame on the drugs, but I know two other couples going through the same experience and talking to their husbands it as if we are all living the same lives. All three of our wives are taking the same diet medication. One of the wives recently started taking anti depression medication and was told by her doctor not to take the diet drug or it will kill her. two months later she is now wanting to work on her marriage.
Reading up on the diet drug there are forums of stories similar to us too. Obviously it impacts feelings. Again, I know I have faults and recently realized my faults in contributing to my marriage problem, so I am reluctant to put all the blame on the drug. I think the drug is complicating things. I can tell when my wife takes and when she doesn't. She is mean on the drug. Very cold.
No my doctor doesn't think I need medication. He believes that I can work it out since I am making progress in our sessions with out medication. I on the other hand wish he would give me happy pills to kill the anxiety so I can be normal
Sex drive. Hmm good question. I would say we both have a healthy appetite for sex. Though, there was years i had major self esteem issues (I hit above 300lb) and my drive was low. Now that I am down to 210 its back to my 20's level. When she ready I am
I agree on your point. My biggest challenge is depression is getting the upper hand and I am struggling to keep the manliness. I am working out 6 days week and running 6+ miles every other day. I don't cry if that is what you are referring to.
Side note. Readings stories of WAW I am curious if their wives were taking diet drugs as well. Like I said several forums of woman taking the drugs and then out of know where "I love you, but I don't love you" pop's up and they become detached from everyone. Almost emotion less.
I don't recall any stories here at DB board regarding diet pills. I didn't know there were many doctors left who could prescribe them, due to the scrutiny they were under.
The prescription form can be very strong and can wire you out. The ones I ever had or knew about would give you extreme energy and you couldn't sleep. But I don't know about changing personality. If she's taking other prescriptions, and especially if it is from a different doctor than the one who gave her the diet pills.....that could be dangerous. The diet doctor needs to know everything she's taking.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
My counselor thinks I should move out. Says I am too dependent on her for my emotional needs and he is worried that I will have a break down. I know we shouldn't in these situations so should I? I have been thinking it lately and it drove home when he advised it.
