Quick update - Intellectually I know it is over. Emotionally I am still a wreck.
Went to the house yesterday to get my stuff. Rented a truck. Ended up taking less than I had thought. I couldn't leave her without pots and pans, dishes, blow dryer, etc. All stuff that was mine but I know she doesn't have. I even left the bed I bought last month.
Talked it over with my father who sometimes has OK advice. Told me not to be petty. Follow my conscious. In the big picture what is a couple grand. Be the better person. etc. etc.
Made one mistake and read her journal. She still loves me. Misses me very much. At least last week she did in her last entry. She is on some kind of quest to find herself. Who she really is. She wants to focus on herself for a while. Not sure if this is easier then if I had read she hates me and was cheating on me.
Not sure I'll post anymore in here since I'm technically not DBing. I'll leave that to the people who are. Have an appoint with doc tomorrow to have meds refilled. I'm eating better but am still real depressed. I can't believe I gave her the power she has over me. My boys are so upset. They miss her and her son very much. My oldest cried for about 15 minutes the other night. So sad. - Jack
I'm sorry Jack. I hope you come back here when you feel ready. DB'ing can be for you and your future, and not necessarily have anything to do with her. Coming here and having support from those who have been in your shoes may be helpful. Only you will know if you should be here or need it. I'm glad you are going to your doc too. Take care!!
So....I thought I've been good. She called me up last week to ask me to fix her computer. I went over there to pick it up and we made love. The next day we went to see a movie. Things seemed great. Saturday night she called me up at 2AM asking me to come pick her up 1/2 hour away. She was drunk in a bar. Went out to a birthday party for a friend of hers.
I was 1/2 way there and went home. Was angry. Told her next morning to never call me again. Never write and never text. I am done. She sent me one text, "I love you. Please don't leave!!" i didn't respond.
Been monitoring her phone calls, facebook and email. I have the passwords. She has added some guy named Joe to her phone book in gmail and talks to him a lot. 45 minutes tonight.
I am drunk and it is over. I am done. goodbuy. Like anyone cares. I am 40. Living in my parents house. unempoyed. And the only person I want to be with is spending a lot of time on the phone with someone named Joe. I paid to find out who he is. From his phone number i know his full name and address. I wonder how'd he like his ass being kicked.
and here I was the last two days fixing her computer like an idiot. I am the lowest I have ever been. I don't deserve to live
Jack- I'm sorry you are in a rough spot right now. If you can, please stop drinking, it does not seem to be helping and rather causing more problems.
Do you have any friends or family members you can talk to? I know sometimes we may feel like being alone but it usually helps us out of our low points to spend time with other people.
Go for a walk and maybe listen to some music if you can. Maybe watch a movie?
All of us on here are here to support you and will be happy to help you out.
Take a step back and reevaluate man. I don't know you're entire sitch but your recent post ring some bells with me. For one I tracked down the OM like you did and regret doing it. The only smart thing I did was not to physically take it to him. I did end up getting a 50b put on me and spent a night in jail and have 22 remaining DV classes to take all because I was trying to chase the other man away. Ultimately I succeeded in this, but by my wifes own admission had I handled things differently things may have taken a different turn for us earlier. Long story short, nothing good will come of tracking down the OM.
Drinking during a period of significant emotional distress definitely isn't going to help it is only going to make things worse. I also know this from experience.
Keep your chin up and don't give up :-)
me 38 W 30 T 3 M in 05/2010 Separated 08/2011 Stephchildren (all hers) SS17, SS12, SD8 I filed 8/27, she countered I filed response 9/5 Anxiously waiting on the judge!
From one alcoholic to another, it's time to get back to meetings. I wandered away myself for awhile (years), and though i didn't drink, i found lots of other escapes. None of them worked. None filled that hole. A woman isn't going to either. You know that only God can, so quit running from it. Your problems won't go away if you stop drinking, but you'll at least have the dignity and courage to stand up and walk through them.
I mean no offense, but it sounds like you've got a case of the poor mes. Poor me, poor me, pour me another drink. That's not going to help.
If you want to keep livingin pain, keep doing what you're doing. Looks like it's working for that.
If you want to get throughthis pain, put down the drink and get to a meet. Stand up and live, man. I'm sending you my phone number. CALL ME. We can get through this.
And just so you know, my wife left me and i'm living on my mom's couch too. Sure, i'm ten years younger, but it's not any different. But i don't feel like a loser. I don't feel bad about it all. Life took a bad turn and it's what i've gotta do for now. Didn't ask for it and dodn't want it, but i'm darned sure not going to let it kill me.
What you're doing now WILL kill you. Spiritually, and if you stay out long enough, physically too.
Pick up the phone and call me. Night or day. Don't question it - do it.
The only difference between you and me is that i'm not drinking and i'm going to meetings. I need them more than ever with all of this going on. Looks like you do too, brother. It's a terrible, heartless disease. But it can be treated and you know. Take responsibility for it and let's work on this together. You know AA will ALWAYS be there for you, but YOU have to reach out.
Me: H 30 W 29 Married: 2/9/08 Separated: 1/2/12 - she initiated, i moved out ILYBINILWY: Fall of 2011
Crushing truths perish from being acknowledged. - A. Camus
Ahhh - i can't pm you! They'll probably delete this, but catch me at Edited.. private contact information is not allowed. You must follow the rules of this board if you want to continue the privilege of posting here.
To the mods, if you have to delete this, please enable me to contact jack strawto give him my number or email. We alcoholics NEED each other.
Last edited by Virginia; 02/09/1203:51 PM.
Me: H 30 W 29 Married: 2/9/08 Separated: 1/2/12 - she initiated, i moved out ILYBINILWY: Fall of 2011
Crushing truths perish from being acknowledged. - A. Camus
