I am living my life and having a good time. I had a huge bbq/party this past weekend and it turned out awesome. We put a pig on the pit and beer on ice and had two days of fun out on my farm. I met a woman that I was interested in getting to know better. Well as my luck goes most of the time, she is only interested in dating women. So we had that in common! I got all moved in my new house and life is looking up every day. Working on my garden this week and that really makes me smile.
My ex was spewing that everything wrong in her life was still my fault. She sent me an e-mail that said “could you give me some gas money for all the running around I must do on your week?” I got a little angry and sent her this reply.
Let me ask you this, the phrase you wrote "all the running around I must do on your week", do you think that could have been a little stab at my ability to be a parent? Then you came to my house and accused me of doing something to harm your reputation. Do you think it could be possible that you hurt your own reputation by your own actions? Do you really think I would pull something like that? I have never tried to purposely disrespect you as a person. I have been more than generous in giving you money. I still pay for your vehicle insurance. What have you done? The only thing I have seen, is you trying to pick fights with me to make yourself feel better or look like the victim. When is my ex going to step up to the plate and start acting responsible? I followed with my heart long enough and I have finally hit the point that I can't be used anymore. I have had enough! I refuse to let you kick me around anymore. I don't need you to pick D12 up on my week and I made arrangements for the rest of the school year. I don't need your drama anymore. I will take D12 to youth group tonight. Just keep pushing your problems on everyone else and see how far that gets you in life. You are where you are at, because of the choices you have made. I don't have to be the nice guy anymore. I am a single man that can do what I choose in life. You made that decision for all of us involved.
When you are ready to start talking to me like an adult and acting like an adult I will be more than willing to talk. I am no longer going to play the game that you stay mad at me to make yourself feel better. It's childish and I refuse to be treated without respect. I don't want to hear one more lie about anything I just don't see the point. That's my official boundary.
If you have questions regarding selling the house and how it's best to achieve that goal. Please talk to me as a business partner in the matter.
Do not respond with a nasty e-mail I don't need this stuff in my life anymore! Life is too short for games and drama, that stuff is for teenagers.
This is what she sent back.
You are right. I have done the damage to myself. No, I didn't mean any harm by saying it's your week. She is my daughter, and our relationship is becoming much better. I'm not fighting with you any longer.
I didn’t respond. I don’t really feel the need to talk to her about anything unless it’s kid or house related. As you can tell I wrote the e-mail while I was angry and I didn’t care. I actually still don’t. My life is mine and I have been way too nice for way too long. A female friend of mine asked me a few days ago if “I had ever been accused of being too nice.” You know what, I don’t need to be accused, I have been too nice. This is the thing I am going to work on about myself. Not that I don’t want to be a nice person. I just don’t want someone to take advantage of me because I am being nice. There is always something that I don’t realize I am doing until I see it myself.
Have a good day!
Me 44 W 38 M 18 D 18 D 13 Bomb 10/21/2010 Divorced 7/19/2011 Just getting to the 7th inning!
Me: 46 H:44 Together: 25 years Married: 20 years Separated: 11-30-06 Divorced 12-21-07 OW: EA began 2005 PA began end of 2006 3 children,20, 16, 6 ex asked for forgiveness 01/16/11
I read your post earlier and had a good chuckle about your new, female friend...
Reading the dialogue between your X and yourself, I could definitely see a conversation like that in the future for me and my W. Although I can't say, for sure...
I do have a question though and I hope it sounds reasonable, because it really is meant in complete curiosity.
What is your intention now, with regard to your relationship with your W? What do you want between the two of you, moving forward?
Seminole, I was reading about havind a BBQ and thinking in my head that I want to be somewhere by next Thanksgiving. I want to have my traditional large party. I hate that it might be without all my friends here.
But several of my high school friends have said thay would love to share Thanksgiving with me. So maybe it is time to form new traditions. And one couple who has shared Thanksgiving with us for the past 7 years has a daughter in Frisco and a son who will be starting college next year in NorCal! So maybe I can still see them!
Things will work out! Heck maybe I'll invite my DB friends!
I'm sitting here with H, who asked me to watch TV with him. I am, but right now at the 30 minute mark, I'm ready to bail. American Idol is on. He hates to watch TV alone. I hate to hang out with someone who is so fake.
So I think your email was dead on. Set those boundaries!
Aloha,
Wendy
Me 57 XH 58 Sons age 32 & 27 M:32 D final 9/12 Bought 10 Acres and Living the Dream!
Thanks, Trusting and Drew the little things inspire me to keep going.
Kaffe, the new female friend was very funny and the sad thing is, I had no clue. I am good with what happened and it makes for a funny story.
I have nothing to hide and it helps me get more of my story out when people ask questions. So ask away. As far as the relationship with my ex. I would like to civilly co-parent and just get along for the girls. Nothing more nothing less. I told her I would help her financially until the house sold. Well I have kept up my end of the verbal agreement but when she went off on me in my house about me wrecking her reputation. She woke the sleeping little angry man inside. She ran out of my house after she yelled at me on Tuesday night. She refused to discuss it any further and I think she just had to have something to be angry about. I refuse to let her come to my home and accuse me of something that is 100% false. That is why I sent the e-mail. Lets fast forward to yesterday, she sent me a text saying: Can I get $100.00 from u? plz respond w/yes or no. The little angry man is still kicking away inside and this is how I responded. Wow, you ask for money and then tell me how to respond to your text. I don’t know that I am in the business anymore of being told what to do by my ex-wife. You already know that I am tired of getting taken advantage of by you. Now I question whether or not you were even being sincere in the e-mail you sent yesterday. You know what? It doesn’t really matter! The first time you cross my boundary, it will be the last time I do anything for you. Yes, you can have the money.
As it turns out she didn’t come and get the money and she asked to take my D12 to school today, which she did. So I feel good about myself right now. I just don’t care anymore and that is powerful. To be honest I wanted her to take the money and then accuse me of something false. Maybe I am back to the anger stage or maybe I am just done putting up with crap behavior. I just know I am feeling like I am taking my life back more and more each day. You need to remember that she was treating me great until about a month ago. We got along great, laughed, talked, and I think she started feeling way too comfortable. Who knows. She went from being overly nice to this person that I don’t need to deal with anymore.
Wendy,
You will be able to live again through this. It takes time and soon everything just starts falling in place. When this all first started I had a hard time thinking I could have big functions with friends and family, now I enjoy them. It’s all about working towards your next goal. Setting boundaries wasn’t my priority until I finally seen how much crap I was putting up with. Now two words, no more.
Fake people will never find true happiness. Set your own boundary. You will feel a sense of relief.
Have a great weekend!
Me 44 W 38 M 18 D 18 D 13 Bomb 10/21/2010 Divorced 7/19/2011 Just getting to the 7th inning!
You know I think everything in life happens for a reason. The weather where I live was extremely dangerous over the weekend. The forecasters did an outstanding job getting the people that live in my area prepared. I know that others were not as lucky and my heart goes out to those folks.
Here is my update with a twist. As most of you know that have been following along on my journey, my ex had been spewing anger toward me over the last month or so and I put myself in a position that I wasn’t going to deal with anymore drama. Saturday night after our cities second tornado warning my ex called me and asked me to come over. I asked her why? She said please bring D12 and come to my house. I again asked why? She said just please come over and she would explain when I arrived. I told her that I would be over in a few minutes, thinking she was scared about the weather. When I arrived she asked D12 to go lay down in bed and we would watch the weather and wake her if needed. My D12 went to bed and my ex and I sat on the sofa and talked. My ex told me that she knows she has made plenty of mistakes. She told me the divorce was the best thing that has ever happened to her because it opened her eyes to reality. Too many things were said by her for me to remember them word for word. So I am just giving you the down and dirty version. She opened up and told me everything and said that I was free to ask anything. She said she would be an open book with information. Through tears she told me that by making all of these mistakes, it has filled her mind with knowledge that she thinks she is supposed to pass on to other people. I really wish I would have recorded the entire conversation. Needless to say my chin hit the floor. She asked me what I thought about trying to restart our lives together. The first thing I asked her is why after I had finally given up any hope, did she have a change of heart? She said maybe I needed you to truly give up on me, before I could see what I truly wanted in life. I told her that I couldn’t put the girls through the emotional roller coaster ever again. I told her that I couldn’t just rush in and think things were just going to be perfect. She said she knows what she put all of us through and she knows it’s not something that can be fixed quickly. I told her I needed to think things through. She is willing to give me the time I need to figure out what I want.
She has already told her family that this is what she wants. She asked her dad to come up and stay with her for a while. She told my sister that she really needs some father daughter time right now. He is going to be here in the next couple days. I have my impenetrable crust formed and don’t even know what to think. I still love the woman I married, is this her returning? I refuse to set myself up for failure or more poor behavior. Can anyone tell me what I should look for specifically? We talked in depth about so much stuff my brain is mush. I thought I was confused when this crap all began. I need to step back and think things through and figure out if this is even what I want. Ask me questions and give me some advice.
Me 44 W 38 M 18 D 18 D 13 Bomb 10/21/2010 Divorced 7/19/2011 Just getting to the 7th inning!
If you step out side of your mind...what does your intuition or gut say?
Between the two (mind and intuition)they should give you the guidance you need.
Must be something in the air this weekend...I had surprise huge movement in my sitch as well...and I find myself asking the same questions of myself, and wondering...
T^2
In the depths of winter, I finally learned that within me there lay an invincible summer. - Albert Camus
Uncertainty is the very condition which impels people to unfold their powers.-Eric Fromm
