I'm back....

[blindsided1]

OMG, it has been quite some time since I have been here and I don't even know where to begin. I am still having issues with my ExH but, I am getting stronger and stronger as time goes by. There are few days that I am annoyed with him or hurt, anymore. But, I have to say there are those days where an old wound opens some and I find myself reliving awful memories. For those of you who don't know my backstory (and a refresher for those of you that do), I was married, 6 weeks pregnant and my husband walked away, moved in with someone he had only known a few weeks and rubbed it in my face EVERY chance he got. Ex and OW decided to try and have a baby 4 months into their R while I was still pregnant and they succeeded. To be cont.

[blindsided1]

Back story to continue.......fast forward to present.
Issue 1: ExH is still trying to have sex with me, is inappropriate when I see him, grabs at me, etc. I blow him off, tell him to knock it off, laugh it off, anything to diffuse the situation and get away from him as fast as possible. OW and he are engaged (finally after four years), however ExMIL tells me it's to appease her. I actually feel sorry for OW. She really has no idea who ExH is. Have to come back to this...sorry

[blindsided1]

I just posted on your thread GM. Sorry I only seem to pop on here occassionally. I am in a far different place these days. My ExH is ridiculous. It doesn't matter if we are in public or not, he has grabbed me inappropriately, texts me and asks me to send picture, he has even exposed himself to me on numerous occassions, he finally has slowed down on trying to have sex with me, gross. He just won't stop sometimes. I have learned how to hang up on him, walk away and not respond to texts. I even ignore his phone calls because I know why he is calling. 9.9 times out of 10, he is not calling to talk to his D. He is calling to talk dirty. It's pathelogical. And, I know that I am not the only one he is being inappropriate with. I used to think this was funny, mainly because he reminded me how much of a pig he can be and how LUCKY AND THANKFUL that he is no longer MY problem and now he is OW's problem. I figure she must have a clue by now. But, like me, I'm sure she is ignoring the red flags. I did. I was on the path to marry him and nothing was going to dissuade me.
They are getting M next month. When he told me, I think he thought I would be upset. Sad thing is, I laughed. I didn't mean to. I just could not even imagine this man marrying again. I stopped myself immediately. But, everytime I think of him marrying her I am conflicted: I giggle then I actually feel slightly bad for OW. Oh well, not my problem. Love that!!!!
I am doing well. I have a wonderful new job. My baby is not a baby anymore, she is doing great and is beautiful and smart and fun and very, very willful. But, I'm okay with that. I want her to push and be outgoing and independent and willful. But, boy, she keeps me on my toes...to say the least.
I look back on my old posts and I think ..... I wish I had done things differently. I wish I had been stronger. I wish I had DB'd better! I made a lot of mistakes. But, I was in a hole a dark, dark hole and could not climb out. I am so thankful that I am where I am, now. I hope that I can help some of these newcomers and be of some comfort. That is my quest....to give back to my DB community.
xoxo

[blindsided1]

Oh, and to make mention of something that I think is important in my healing process: I did not find my happiness in another man. As a matter of fact, I decided to not have a serious relationship until I knew for sure that I was OVER ExH. I am happy because of ME. I did it, no one did it for me. THAT is a huge accomplishment for me. I have not been without a BF since I was 17 not for more than maybe a month. If one R ended, I was in a new one right away...whether it was good for me or not. I wanted to learn how to be on my own and I can. And, I like it. It works for me right now. I don't feel as though I am lacking anything. I have friends, family and I am busy. If LOVE finds me again, then great. But, for now, I am good. That feels wonderful.