You are indeed correct on the money matter. I hate to take money from him and let him feel like he still has that hold over me. I really have tried to find other means of income. The money he did give me I let him know was going towards school fees for the kids and to help restock my food after power was out for so long. So really it was to help the kids.
I do wish I could break away from him...but I guess a part of me is scared because what if I do and I need help in the future...I know I need to be less dependant on him for stuff....and trust me, its something Im working on.
Kissak
"What time I am afraid, I will trust in thee." Psalms 56:3 M-37 H-37 S-10, D-15 M- 1993 First bomb- 12/23/06 Came and went too MANY times! Gone again 10-25-10
Kiss - this is an area where I disagree with E. I say take his money. I am not being Sh!tty, your H and mine are very much alike and they are great guys who made really crappy life decisions. He really is trying to help you becuase your situation is serious with a natural disaster affecting you. I would take it without question. When you are friends with the STBXH it is different.
I know that even after my divorce if something came up that was an emergency, XH would help and I would probably accept. I don't think it is weak. stuff happens that is not in our control. just because he is nice and helps you doesn't mean you are tied to him emotionally.
You choose to be tied to him emotionally or you choose not to. It has nothing to do with money.
I totally understand what E is saying, and it is good to have a man's point of view! but I think you have more than proved that aside from a Hurricane, you can stand on your own
I am proud of you girlfriend.
TAMF m:41 xh:41 T: 20 M: 15 D: 16 D: 14 Bomb dropped: 7/3/10 separated: 7/15/10 H moved in to new apt. with OW: 7/1/11 divorced: 8/26/12
I actually do not disagree with TAMF okay….maybe a little.
Quote:
I say take his money
This is the context of where you really need it and or it is for the kids…then I say go for it. If not, then I say figure out how to do it on your own.
Quote:
who made really crappy life decisions
I agree with this statement but it also goes both ways. We the LBS’s played a role in this..some more than others and sometimes we forget this. My only point is….do a give a man a fish when he is hungry or teach him to fish? If anyone the LBS or the WAS end the R on a good terms, then yes I always believe in being able to help someone else….my only exception would be if that helps comes with an expectation. Just my male 2 cents and has nothing to do with money per se and more to do with becoming independent and responsible for ourselves. Even if I had a good R with my XW, I doubt that I would look to her to help me. Why? Cause then when or how will I ever learn to do it myself. As with everything there are exceptions to the rule … Regards, Eric
"The difficulties of Life are intended to make us BETTER,not bitter". "Fear is a prison, where you are the jailer. FREE YOURSELF!" "Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B." - Jack3Beans
My H and I made an agreement between the two of us last year. He agreed to pay about $200 more a month in Child support. Under the condition that if at anytime he needed help or I needed help we would help each other out financially IF we were able. I have given him a $20 every now and then if he needed it and also he has done much more for me, like buying me a new compressor for my cooler at work earlier this year. Thats just an agreement we have ALTHOUGH I would rather find ways to do on my own.
Im kinda getting anxious now. Our year separation will be Oct. 25 and its getting closer and closer. I hate thinking about it. Even though I dont want him as he is now, it still hurts to think about a divorce. I have been wondering how much longer i will have insurance through him, so I decided to ask today by text if he had considered keeping me on his insurance as long as possible until I absolutely had to be taken off. It costs nothing for me to be on his insurance through the family plan. Well after I sent that text I started shaking....shaking at the thought of this coming to an end.
Im scared to death people. I dont know if I will be able to handle this well. I know it will come and go and I will heal just as before, but it scares the death out of me....if I shake at the thought of just thinking about it, what will happen when it really does happen??? When I get those divorce papers, how will I be able to handle it???
Just questions I have. Its scaring me and making me sick to my stomach....ugh....advice???
Kissak
"What time I am afraid, I will trust in thee." Psalms 56:3 M-37 H-37 S-10, D-15 M- 1993 First bomb- 12/23/06 Came and went too MANY times! Gone again 10-25-10
I dont really know PEI....I guess because for 5 years I have being going through this and never thought the end would come and here it is??? I dont know. All I know is what scares me is how I may feel or react to it.
Kissak
"What time I am afraid, I will trust in thee." Psalms 56:3 M-37 H-37 S-10, D-15 M- 1993 First bomb- 12/23/06 Came and went too MANY times! Gone again 10-25-10
I agree with PEI's approach to NOT let you off the hook.
Originally Posted By: short Canadian
Why does that scare you so badly?
I really suggest that you answer this ^^^ question.
In my sitch I did not for a while. All I knew was that I was scared. It was when I answered the question that the fear began to subside. Let me give some personal examples, maybe this will help you.
I knew I was afraid..that much I knew. In my case, I was paralyzed actually.
So i was challenged and when I looked at it I was forced to face my fears, when I did, I was not afraid anymore.
I was afraid of losing my kids - Guess what it did not happen. In hindsight, it really was never going to happen.
I was afraid of being alone. Afraid that no other women would find a man with 3 kids who was broke attractive. That has proven to be far from the truth.
I was afraid of my financial security, which when I REALLY looked at it forced me to acknowledge my role in being in this position, which was good for ME. I also realized that although my life is different from a financial perspective that I can still feed my kids.
I was afraid that I would "lose" my XW. The reality is that she was already long gone.
I was afraid that I would not "make it". Guess what I am doing GREAT. As MHL would say...Life is Good.
My point Kissak, is that until you define your fears you cannot face them. Once you define them you will (if YOU choose to) face them. As you do, you will feel better, you will feel empowered, you will realize that most of your fears are of the UNKNOWN.
So Kissak, are you gonna answer PEI?
Dare ya
God Bless, Eric
"The difficulties of Life are intended to make us BETTER,not bitter". "Fear is a prison, where you are the jailer. FREE YOURSELF!" "Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B." - Jack3Beans
I guess in my mind that I thought as long as my H and I were married, there was still that chance....that he would change, that he would never go through with a divorce....after all, he hasnt filed not once in 5 years.
I know I have already lost him. Just need my heart and head to agree for once.
Im afraid of all I will have to figure out on my own.
Im afraid of starting over with someone new.
Financially Im scared to death. Living on my income and child support and trying to run a business which is like running another house hold is NOT easy when the economy is bad. I would love to sell my business just to get out of the hole ive fell in since he first left me!
Those are just a few things...but even acknowledging them doesnt make me feel better. I think I will only feel better when I have successfully gone through all of them and come out the other side.
Kissak
"What time I am afraid, I will trust in thee." Psalms 56:3 M-37 H-37 S-10, D-15 M- 1993 First bomb- 12/23/06 Came and went too MANY times! Gone again 10-25-10
