I'm still here

[Telemark]

"H sent me a text sometime last night that said "Damn you!" And that was it."

Nice. He's lashing out at you because he doesn't want to look at his own problems.

I agree with everything that's been said, DG. Drop the D talk and just plow ahead. You can't do anything about your H, but the more you try to get him to go one way, the more he will go the other way.

I told Another Chance: it may be the end of your marriage, but it is not the end of your life.

[plsfindmylove]

i dont comment too much, still dont feel solid enough in my advice, but i seem to be better at giving it than following it...

i always, always end up talking about the R with my wife, it was daily. i got it under control for 5 days straight one week... then big back slide on day 6. my wife asked me what happened?! i was doing so good! but now she felt it was even worse than before! and i had a calendar that i was keeping track of days that i brought up relationship, and the 'worse' she was seeing? was 3 out of 10 days i brought up R talk since the day i backslide pretty hard after the 5 days.

point being, the changes DO get noticed, the backslides even more, i am still struggling with not wanting to ask her about R, or OM, cause i know if i do it will just push her further away.

2 other things that stood out, i agree with you... why cant they see that we want to change and work with us and support us... so frustrating. but if you look at from their point, they might think they did try, or even are trying right now. one of the hard things is seeing results from you work, and being open to them being ANY result, and not disappointed cause it wasnt the result you were hoping for.

and the second thing, i dont text her first now. and all she texts me with is money, or kids. it [censored], but you dont want to pursue him, you have to wait and be loving and supportive when he does. so that he wants to text you more! and it might take a while, cause what he is used to now is texting you and getting R talk back, or things that make he feel guilty about what he is doing. sounds great to make him feel guilty... but all it means is he wont text you as much to avoid the guilt.

[~¤DG¤~]

Pls-you actually have very valid points and I appreciate your advice.

What 's hard for me is we do not live together or have any interaction. I haven't seen him in over 3 months, almost 4. But I do initiate and I need to stop.

[Valeska19]

I do initiate and I need to stop.

Good to recognize this.

Not seeing him in 3 months is hard. It's something you probably never expected. I know I sure didn't. My w said we would always remain friends, we would hang out together during s. I never thought it would turn into "I don't want you in my life right now".

You backslid a little (seems to be going around this week) and it happens. It's alot to swallow and you are doing so well at handling it. Remember that every day is a battle. And just because you lose a battle hear and again.. doesn't mean you've lost the war.

((DG))

[~¤DG¤~]

Update-----

S10 is friends with OW's S at school. I wish I could prevent it but I can't.
Today S came home from school and told me that OW's son told him that H&OW sleep in the same bed together.
To say I am devastated is an understatement.
He is not the man I thought he was. He makes me sick. Completely sick.
I always had a shred of hope that he was different. I guess not.

I am so hurt

[♪CS♪]

Sorry DG. I know it hurts. Even sometimes when we already know, a dose of reality can still be painful.

Very sad that the kids are talking about this. I’m sure they are very confused. As hard as it is. Your S will look to you to try and make sense out of all this. So your strength and compassion is not for your H. It is for you and your S.

Be well.

[thatgirl007]

(((DG)))

I know it really does hurt. It's indescribable. Take care of yourself. If you need anything, I'm here.

[jbnati]

OMG, DG. I am so sorry.

((())))

Be strong for your son.

We're here for you.

[a girl]

((hugs for you))

You will get through this.

[Endeavour]

(((Big Hugs)))

I'm so sorry, DG.