And it wasn't entirely pointless. First, she was planning on being in town to pick up the pile of stuff which has been in my garage for 4 months, and so I told her to send a concise message with details and I would arrange for a representative to open the garage but that I had no desire to speak with her and would prefer she not come into my house. Secondly, I needed to write the bit about releasing her from her vows, for me.
But yes, still probably unwise and it should have waited a couple of weeks. But we'll see what the aftermath is.
Alarmingly... no change. Just nothing. I keep hearing that things will be over "any time now" but papers never get signed, no one comes to pick up her stuff, no communications...
If it wasn't for the financial hit, life would be pretty good actually. Work is fun and satisfying, I'm keeping really busy, making new friends, generally having a good life (tired all the time, but hey).
But I still get sad at the tragedy of all this, and still feel very betrayed and hurt, and angry that I'll never again be in love with someone who knew me as a child and shared that many years together. That's special, to me.
Still... doing much much better than I was a few months ago. Life goes on. Pockets a little emptier, heart a little more bitter (okay, one helluva lot more bitter and very unlikely to trust anyone again any time soon), but life goes on.
And yep, nothing works the way you want or expect. After sitting on the "deal" (massively unfair in my opinion) for almost a month, she now brings up wanting to take thousands from the house equity--because she's not getting enough already.
By now, she has become something vile. She would have to massively wake up, apologize, and sign multiple legal agreements for me to even consider taking her back.
And I know it's all her friends doing this and telling her it's right and proper. It's all very pathetic.
Hos Does she have a job yet? I don't think this about getting her due, but more about not being able to sustain her lifestyle. Dont yield a penny more.
No, she doesn't have a job yet. She's spent the last six months finishing her PhD thesis (now six years running, defense end of this month) and is demanding 9 months more of support so that she can last until the academic year begins because that's the job she's seeking. Never mind her two masters' degrees in business; she "doesn't want to do marketing" (despite her MS in Marketing).
Man, what slow progress. It's more "cut me a switch to beat you with" stuff--I have to set up my own appraisal of the house to see if she gets to make me sell it and split the profits.
I have to say, I had NO IDEA the legal system was this screwed up about marriage. I can't recommend the legal institution of marriage to anyone with talent and a hard work ethic at this point.
Sadly, no change in her whatsoever. I'm living it now, it's infuriating, frustrating, and just so sad. Have you officially "dropped the rope" in your mind?
_______________________ M: 47; W: 39 M: 4.5 yrs; T: 18 years No children Separated: 01/19/11 Wife Served Papers: 02/1/11 Wife moved: 03/05/11 Responded: 04/14/11
Yep, no question. That rope is dropped. I'm very sad about this, because to the last I hoped she would reconsider, but now I am facing the question: If I suddenly got the option, do I want to welcome this apparently very selfish, untrustworthy, self-absorbed person back into my life to dominate it utterly?
And... no. I don't want someone like that in my life. I'm probably going to lose the house, but since I have a "next assignment" starting this summer, I'll be moving in July anyway. Time to move on with life.
She STILL hasn't picked up her things. I still miss what could have been. But I was evidently wrong about who she was, and now I am paying that price.
