I think my thread max'd out, and I need to figure out how to post a link to it.
Met with my IC and my L yesterday - wonderful day. Also talked to a mutual friend for the first time about my situation. No one can understand where W is coming from. No one understands how she can matter-of-factly talk about D or S, leaving town and so on, while living in our house, doing all kinds of things together, spending lots of time together (I returned just over a week ago from an extended work trip). She calls me at work twice a day. Crawls in my bed in the morning every couple of days. Wants to know what I am doing for the day.
A fly on the wall would say we are a normal married couple.
My IC tells me to keep on doing what I am doing - taking the high road, being the nice guy, no anger, no pursuit, just GAL and trying to live my life. Taking care of W as I can, without trying to dote. No R talk, no M talk.
Wish I knew if it was working.
Meeting with her L on Tuesday, then W leaves on a 2 week trip to see friends. In the middle we are going to a concert for 3 days with friends.
I don't know why I am feeling like I am running out of time.
H 51, W 46 no kids T 22 years M 17 years ILBNILWY 2/10 1st D talk 6/10 partial recovery W files D 5/11 long distance separation 8/11 moving forward on D 10/11 legal separation complete 1/2012
H 51, W 46 no kids T 22 years M 17 years ILBNILWY 2/10 1st D talk 6/10 partial recovery W files D 5/11 long distance separation 8/11 moving forward on D 10/11 legal separation complete 1/2012
W very sporadically goes to an IC. Once or two this spring, mostly to validate her D decision. Seems to have cut herself off from anyone who might disagree with her game plan. Her upcoming trip involves friends and family who will mostly support her, encouraging her to do whatever makes her happy.
Not sure how she will ever recognize that our M could be a good thing again.
H 51, W 46 no kids T 22 years M 17 years ILBNILWY 2/10 1st D talk 6/10 partial recovery W files D 5/11 long distance separation 8/11 moving forward on D 10/11 legal separation complete 1/2012
HAPPY FATHER'S DAY TO ALL YOU DEDICATED FATHERS!!!!!!
H 51, W 46 no kids T 22 years M 17 years ILBNILWY 2/10 1st D talk 6/10 partial recovery W files D 5/11 long distance separation 8/11 moving forward on D 10/11 legal separation complete 1/2012
W and I had some very very good old friends over for dinner tonight. W idea. They think what is happening is very sad. They told me privately that they think W's mind is made up, and getting a D and leaving town is very important to her, and there is nothing I can do about it. They both see she has not looked down the road at all at this point. It was interesting to see her reaction when the conversation turned to the serious hit in home values we had all taken - don't think she had thought about that.
We have a meeting with her L on Tuesday, then she leaves on a 3 week trip to see friends across the country. Don't think she is going to miss me at all. And I have only been back for just over a week.
We are going to meet for a show over the 4th of July weekend. I am wracked by the question about whether she wants me there or just thinks she has to deal with me. Are we going because she feels guilty or truly wants me there?
I am very down and very sick of this scene. This was supposed to be my summer to shine, and I don't think she could care less.
We do everything together since my return, and now that she is leaving it is like she can't wait to leave me in the dust.
I think she has been acting our of guilt, or just plain acting, and she is completely done with me. Just done. I should get a fricking clue and move on.
If only the thought of her spiraling downhill in her depression wasn't so strong in my head. I know I need to let her go. She is on her own. Time for me to get used to my new life as a heavily jaded middle aged divorcee. Sounds great.
Sorry.
H 51, W 46 no kids T 22 years M 17 years ILBNILWY 2/10 1st D talk 6/10 partial recovery W files D 5/11 long distance separation 8/11 moving forward on D 10/11 legal separation complete 1/2012
We have a meeting with her L on Tuesday, then she leaves on a 3 week trip to see friends across the country. Don't think she is going to miss me at all. And I have only been back for just over a week.
You can't read her mind
Originally Posted By: any chance?
We are going to meet for a show over the 4th of July weekend. I am wracked by the question about whether she wants me there or just thinks she has to deal with me. Are we going because she feels guilty or truly wants me there?
A question to your question - does it matter?
Originally Posted By: any chance?
I am very down and very sick of this scene. This was supposed to be my summer to shine, and I don't think she could care less.
We do everything together since my return, and now that she is leaving it is like she can't wait to leave me in the dust.
I think she has been acting our of guilt, or just plain acting, and she is completely done with me. Just done. I should get a fricking clue and move on.
I know, this is really tough. You seem to be going back and forth with your thoughts, which is perfectly natural. This is where acting 'as if' gets YOU back on track with your life and more importantly a PMA.
Originally Posted By: any chance?
If only the thought of her spiraling downhill in her depression wasn't so strong in my head. I know I need to let her go. She is on her own. Time for me to get used to my new life as a heavily jaded middle aged divorcee. Sounds great.
Get rid of the 'if only' thought. She is on her own journey, as we all are. The whole point of all of this is to get YOU back safe on your journey so that if you and your W journeys cross paths again it happens in a much better and healthier place.
Only you can control how jaded you end up.
At some point, you will understand the patience aspect and how time is your friend, not your enemy. Until then, hang in there
Me 43 W 38 M 5 T 7 SD20 S15, S13 with 1st W ILYBNILWY June 2010 Separation/Bomb July 2010 Divorce Feb 8, 2011
Apparently to sign the D/S papers, and to begin financial disclosure. We are hoping to go through a mediated settlement wtihout protracted legal battles.
H 51, W 46 no kids T 22 years M 17 years ILBNILWY 2/10 1st D talk 6/10 partial recovery W files D 5/11 long distance separation 8/11 moving forward on D 10/11 legal separation complete 1/2012
Trying to understand the arrangement. I'm a big fan of mediation (esp. in uncontested divorces), but normally the arrangement is either for the two of you to pick a neutral third party, or -- better yet -- you hire an agreed-upon mediator, but each retain your own atty to review any final agreement before signing anything.
