Hi, I'm 40 years old, and have been married to my H for nearly 9 years, we've been together 11 years, we have 2 children (7 & 4), the last couple of years our marriage lost its pizazz, we knew it was happening but didnt really know how to cope with it. Last september he started to text a younger woman he met through work, by the time i found out in jan there was over 800 texts that he had sent. Anyway the day after my sons 7th birthday he comes home from work and announces hes leaving. He goes straight into her arms (he says there was no physical side till he left me!), within the first week she gets pregnant! Beginning of april he decideds he wants to come home, confesses everything and leaves her to go through a termination on her own (by the way she left her husband for mine), anyway he last a week at home, but i was a complete doormat! I decided to take a break at that time, booked tickets to go and see my cousin and left the next day. Returned 2 weeks later and there was a lot of bad feeling between us. So i cut the contact apart from saying hello when he picked up/dropped off the kids. All of a sudden, about 10days ago we just started to talk, and got on really well, and he started sending me little text messages with a little x on the end, i responded to some and not to others, this annoyed him! Wednesday he came round and spent afew hours with us and then asked if he could come back later. Then sent a little text to say it was nice to see me smile. Anyway yesterday he took the day off work to come and see us but i was at the top of the garden and couldn't hear the phone or door bell and he got really stroppy. It ended up he text me at 4.30 in the morning to say he was upset with me. I've spoke to him today and apologised but did explain where i was. Now he has admitted that he wants to play happy families with me but wants to go home to her.But he has also said he hasnt told her hes getting on better with me. So what do i do now - carry on cultivating the friendship or set an ultimatum. Any advice would be appreciated, DB isnt a well talked about subject here in the UK!
Me - 40 DS - 7 DD - Nearly 4 M - 8 years T - 10 years S - Feb 11
Thanks for your answer, any more questions dont hesitate to ask.
The problem is yes i'm fairly comfortable with as i enjoy his company and he was my best friend for 11 years, but i DO want more. He admitted also that he cant tell her that hes getting on with me so i feel its another part of his life hes building on with lies (but then i guess thats his and her problem!)
No they dont work together now, he asked her to leave when he came home. To b honest I dont ask anything about his life.
Its my little girls birthday soon and i said that she was having her party in my parents back garden and he got all huffy, saying that was really arkward for him and he wouldnt come but suggested maybe an early party and then we go out as a family after.
I've improved myself alot aswell since hes gone, i've lost weight, changed my hair and (apart from the down days) feel good about myself. He has noticed this.
I dont want to look like i'm grateful for any crumbs he throws my way either.
Me - 40 DS - 7 DD - Nearly 4 M - 8 years T - 10 years S - Feb 11
Today he phones while i'm out shopping so i ask if i can phone him back, he say no i'll phone later, ok not a problem,but i'm going to see a friend after this so he says he'll phone this eve.
He phoned about an hour ago - spoke to the kids and then to me, I asked him if had had a good weekend, he went away to see his children by his previous marriage, and he said yes and i asked how his eldest son was as he was taken into hospital for a night last week.
Then i said i had to run as i was out at a wedding reception tonight, he replied that i was going out alot recently, so i said i didnt think so but i had to get out these days.
He said to me not to do anything he wouldnt and then said 'i'll change that to dont do anything you wouldnt do', not sure wot he meant by that remark.
Anyway 10 mins later he texts to say 'dont reply, but have a lovely evening' so he obviously with her and doesnt want her to know.
Anyway fell alittle confused as i feel hes giving out mixed messages.
Me - 40 DS - 7 DD - Nearly 4 M - 8 years T - 10 years S - Feb 11
Following on from the previous post, i'm at the reception and i notice i've got 4 missed calls, a text message and a answer phone message.
His sister has told him i'm sleeping with someone else (i'm not) and he has hit the roof,accused me of playing games and that he never want to hear from me again.
I stupidly phoned him, anyway we got it straightened out but he almost put the phone down on me cos his GF was coming!
This morning he phones to see if i'm ok, we have a good chat but then i push it and tell him that he made the last 5 months of our marriage a joke, and that we could have sorted things out if he hadnt jumped straight into bed with her
Tonight he comes round for the kids, and i realise this all too painful for me so i ask him to pick the kids up from the door and not to contact me anymore
He says he understands why in someways, i am so cut up about this.
Any pointers?
Me - 40 DS - 7 DD - Nearly 4 M - 8 years T - 10 years S - Feb 11
He has us to keep communication open for the children, and although i feel weak i feel i have to agree as the children are so young. We had a good chat too, he says he wishes i could have made these changes 2 years ago and that sometimes he still questions whether he did the right thing. He has started to phone or text daily now, yesterday he asked if we could be friends for each other not just for the sake of the kids(i enjoy his company and we still get on really well) then he comes up with, his GF has asked about going to the zoo and as our family membership is about to expire how did i feel if him and his GF brought a family membership and put our kids on it to save me some cash. I feel hes using me and i know shes pushing really hard to get her hands on my kids. HELP PLEASE
Me - 40 DS - 7 DD - Nearly 4 M - 8 years T - 10 years S - Feb 11
Its been a couple of days since i posted,i'm mixed up right now. He came round to see the kids on weds and we had a really good chat, hes told me that he still cares about me and wishes that i could have been the woman i am now a year ago. We even managed to have a conversation about the fact his GF is pushing to meet my kids. And the fact that one of our mutual friends has also become a very close friend of mine (his wife cheated on him, so he knows how i feel), but my H hates him. We left a good tidings The next morning I get a 'stiff' text message from him, saying that he cant believe i would choose my friend over him, which i never said, i asked my H not to make me choose. So I phone him and we sort it out amicably. We seem to moving well to a good friendship, which is something i feel we can build on
Me - 40 DS - 7 DD - Nearly 4 M - 8 years T - 10 years S - Feb 11
ARRRGHH - I need some help. Today my husband texts me this morning to ask how my daughter is, and we have some text banter, just jokey. Then this afternoon he texts me saying hes outside my house, i'd just nipped out to get some milk, so i didnt pick the message up for 10 or so mins, then i text him back and said i will be back in 2 mins
This is then how the texts go:
Him: Do not worry now will get tomorrow i gone back to office Me:Sorry I was out getting milk Him: LOL I wanted coffee too lol Me: See wot you've done to me - i walk places now, lol, owe you coffee tomorrow Him:Just coffee? Me:Eh? Him:Lol Me:Ok you can have a biscuit too! Him:Is that all just one x Me: Theres always a jaffa cake or two lol Him:Have to take what's on offer then won't I lol Me:You know i only give out the best biscuits! Him: Not only biscuits Me: Hey cant help it if i'm good! Him:Thats true lol Me:Hey your not bad either! Him:Not good tho lol Me: x Him: See you tomorrow for coffee lol Me:You will indeed x Him: Good x
Sorry its long winded, but feel this is a postive move, anyone care to comment?
Me - 40 DS - 7 DD - Nearly 4 M - 8 years T - 10 years S - Feb 11
I just keeping writing this all down in the hope i can make sense of it all, or someone can help me with it. He picks up the kids today, tells me i look nice, but my outfit could do with that shell necklace we brought. I tell he looks summery. I'm sat at the table and he says he cant stop looking at me, i look so different today. Then he says to me have i got a doctors appointment soon as he no longer checks my boobs. We go out to the garage to get something and he playfully pushes me, a bit to hard and i stumble, so he says i forget how light you are these days. Then i'm in the kitchen getting my daughters shoes on her and he says to my daughter ' did mummy fall over?' then playfully pushes me to the ground. I know i want to be his friend but to me this is playful flirting.
Please anyone able to make a comment?
Me - 40 DS - 7 DD - Nearly 4 M - 8 years T - 10 years S - Feb 11
i have massive row with my parents, walked home to find him dropping the kids off, went to turn away but my son had seen me and ran over. My H saw i was upset and comforted me with a hug and asked if i wanted to talk about it, i told him briefly and then somehow he turned the conversation to us, said he gets angry and upset that we didnt address our problems at the time and then maybe we wouldnt be here.
He didnt seem to want to go this evening and gave me another hug. He said i could phone him anytime, it might be arkward but he would always try to phone me back.
About 10 mins after he left he phoned me to check i was ok and then started to flirt by text with me. Of course i flirted back, it would be rude not to!
About 2 hours later i send him a text saying 'dont reply but thanks for today and have a fab weekend'
Progress? I think so
Me - 40 DS - 7 DD - Nearly 4 M - 8 years T - 10 years S - Feb 11
