W: "I need copies of our taxes from last year. Also, we need to decide what we are doing about the taxes we got an extension on. are those last year's? When are they due? I need to provide financial documents for SS's school if I apply for financial aid and I need to do it asap."
I DID NOT respond
W texted me again at 10:30 p.m.
W: "Excuse me. Are you playing the silent treatment game?"
I DID NOT respond.
1) I don't know if W really needs a copy of our taxes.
2) W accusing me of playing silent treatment game is exactly the kind of thing that I worried about by taking a tough approach with her. That it would make her recall cr@p that I did back when we were together.
Ideas here?
BITS Denver
P.S. I owe some responses to some of the posts from my last thread. There were a lot of good ones. Probably won't get to that until this weekend.
M 43 X 38 T 13 W moves out of home 11/2010 Roller coaster from hell 2/2011-5/2012 I request divorce 5/2012 W moves home 6/2012 Good time 7/2012 - 1/2015 I leave 3/2016 process of divorce
I'm glad you posted. Maybe you saw it but here is what I posted a few post down.
I KNOW what you are feeling bud.
Originally Posted By: FaithnAK
Sorry your thread is locked, hope you find this. I couldn't really give my all on your post because I have been extremely busy at work.
You asked a question that struck me about the no contact detachment. You asked Do I contact her?
"Most of the advice has been to cut off contact. Detach.
Where is that going to get me?"
I want you to understand that this gift of time and no contact is actually more involved than just YOU. It's for her as well. Your changes as long as they are for you will not go unnoticed by her. BUT she needs to feel the reality of your loss and if what the new you was showing is real. (7-8 years vs 6 months?)
Excuse the bluntness, but you literally caught her with her pants down. She is so F'n angry right now and full of entitlement just like YOU. I hope you understand that.
IF you decide to contact her right now, there are a few consequences you need to EXPECT, not saying they will happen, but you need to know.
One, she will do ANYTHING to alleviate her guilt. Including trying to draw out the old you where you react badly. She will try to get you to justify her actions for her poor decisions. She will also try to massage your ego with any means necessary to see if she can GO BACK to cake eating. S*cks, but it's true. Be on guard.
Two, she's addicted man! She likes the OM and what he brings. Chances are she sees you and your changes and is scared to F'n death that it's real. So she might run back to him to get her "high" and "escape".
Three, you know where you stand. YOU issued a boundary and like it or not you have to follow through. Believe it or not, but what you will cycle thru the next few days to months will play mind games on yourself. Women like MEN who stand up for themselves. YOU can feel and think whatever you want, but a man in control of their decisions and boundary is ATTRACTIVE. Live the boundary. If she just keeps blowing you up. Text her what 2step said, stating "you need time"; back away. Don't be woe woe woe is me; state what you want clearly and you will let her know. SHE KNOWS your mad bro. She does. She also knows SHE F'd up.
Fourth, Only you can ask yourself this. What do I want? what is my non negotiable unalterable term? If I was to save my Marriage, what do I want and how will I be different for the rest of my life? Once you can answer this, then live it and don't hesitate.
Why no contact? Because you do owe it to her to let her figure her own actions out for herself and LET her tell you what she wants. You meet your half of the Marriage obligation and she owns hers. How is this accomplished? TIME. 90 days Denver. Keep posting here...DO NOT RESPOND TO HER. She needs the space just as much as you do even if she keeps contacting you.
Oh, and dating? You? Your not ready yet. You're too hurt.
W: "I need copies of our taxes from last year. Also, we need to decide what we are doing about the taxes we got an extension on. are those last year's? When are they due? I need to provide financial documents for SS's school if I apply for financial aid and I need to do it asap."
I DID NOT respond
W texted me again at 10:30 p.m.
W: "Excuse me. Are you playing the silent treatment game?"
I DID NOT respond.
1) I don't know if W really needs a copy of our taxes.
2) W accusing me of playing silent treatment game is exactly the kind of thing that I worried about by taking a tough approach with her. That it would make her recall cr@p that I did back when we were together.
Ideas here?
BITS Denver
P.S. I owe some responses to some of the posts from my last thread. There were a lot of good ones. Probably won't get to that until this weekend.
Also, Starsky had some posts that were held and finally posted AFTER your thread was closed. Please go read his comments through several parts.
You have received so much good advice man. I'm here posting tonight, because I remember what I felt when I ran into my W and OM 3 hours after she lied to me.
Thanks Faith. I am sitting here watching my cell phone as W repeatedly calls me. She has now called me 33 times without me picking up. She has lost her mind.
I will have to go back and read those posts that I missed.
Denver
M 43 X 38 T 13 W moves out of home 11/2010 Roller coaster from hell 2/2011-5/2012 I request divorce 5/2012 W moves home 6/2012 Good time 7/2012 - 1/2015 I leave 3/2016 process of divorce
I'm not going to rain on your parade or feed your ego Bro, but she is panicking.
You need her to feel this. She's desperate. You are not. In a couple days you need to just say "I can't answer you right now, I need space". BUT not right now. STAY STRONG and keep posting til you get the green light. NOW = NO RESPONSE.
W: "I need copies of our taxes from last year. Also, we need to decide what we are doing about the taxes we got an extension on. are those last year's? When are they due? I need to provide financial documents for SS's school if I apply for financial aid and I need to do it asap."
I DID NOT respond
W texted me again at 10:30 p.m.
W: "Excuse me. Are you playing the silent treatment game?"
I DID NOT respond.
1) I don't know if W really needs a copy of our taxes.
2) W accusing me of playing silent treatment game is exactly the kind of thing that I worried about by taking a tough approach with her. That it would make her recall cr@p that I did back when we were together.
Ideas here?
BITS Denver
P.S. I owe some responses to some of the posts from my last thread. There were a lot of good ones. Probably won't get to that until this weekend.
So I posted the above update about 30 minutes ago. Since then, W tried calling me 35 times. I did not answer the phone.
She then texted me this:
W: "You are an immature child. What, are you five? More proof of why I left you. Your avoidance tactics and silent treatment are ridiculous and any adult would be sick of your games after 8 years. Grow up. I need my tax stuff or the contact info for the woman who did them. The sooner you give me that info, the sooner I will be out of your hair."
Denver
M 43 X 38 T 13 W moves out of home 11/2010 Roller coaster from hell 2/2011-5/2012 I request divorce 5/2012 W moves home 6/2012 Good time 7/2012 - 1/2015 I leave 3/2016 process of divorce
W: "I need copies of our taxes from last year. Also, we need to decide what we are doing about the taxes we got an extension on. are those last year's? When are they due? I need to provide financial documents for SS's school if I apply for financial aid and I need to do it asap."
I DID NOT respond
W texted me again at 10:30 p.m.
W: "Excuse me. Are you playing the silent treatment game?"
I DID NOT respond.
1) I don't know if W really needs a copy of our taxes.
2) W accusing me of playing silent treatment game is exactly the kind of thing that I worried about by taking a tough approach with her. That it would make her recall cr@p that I did back when we were together.
Ideas here?
BITS Denver
P.S. I owe some responses to some of the posts from my last thread. There were a lot of good ones. Probably won't get to that until this weekend.
So I posted the above update about 30 minutes ago. Since then, W tried calling me 35 times. I did not answer the phone.
She then texted me this:
W: "You are an immature child. What, are you five? More proof of why I left you. Your avoidance tactics and silent treatment are ridiculous and any adult would be sick of your games after 8 years. Grow up. I need my tax stuff or the contact info for the woman who did them. The sooner you give me that info, the sooner I will be out of your hair."
Denver
Pure spew
Test, Test, Test.
Not here to do anything other than tell you the truth. J3B, a good friend would tell you the same thing, Starsky posted it, I'm living it too bud.
AGAIN NO RESPONSE. TEST TEST TEST.
Hurts and is confusing as hell isn't it?
Hang in there. I'd add you on the alt if I could figure out how to find you.
I think you should pick up the phone and call her...ASAP
just kidding...
What Faith said makes the most sense at this moment in time. Heck, that's all you can go by.
Since she told you to put her mail in the box so you don't have to see her, why not put that tax stuff there too?
And btw, is there anyway she can hurt you with that info?
Meaning, keep a copy.
And don't tell my feminists friends I said this, but that "garbage" Faith said about what we women want from men...is mostly true. WE like strength and even if
the guy is "punishing" me, (in reality simply enforcing a healthy boundary) b/c I broke a boundary and that's the result, I think a part of me would know it wasn't all him, AND would be able to see that in time...and yes I would be more attracted to him than to someone who relents and caves too much.
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
I think you should pick up the phone and call her...ASAP
just kidding...
[/i]
You scared me there for a sec 25. Thought I was screwing up. LOL
I am going to scan the taxes and email an attached copy to her tomorrow with no comments.
M 43 X 38 T 13 W moves out of home 11/2010 Roller coaster from hell 2/2011-5/2012 I request divorce 5/2012 W moves home 6/2012 Good time 7/2012 - 1/2015 I leave 3/2016 process of divorce
