[LITB]

I figured since this process takes an enormous amount of patience and I love me some old school rock’n roll, we’ll cruise to some Foghat. Here are the links to my previous threads…..
WAW on the Peninsula
Faith makes things possible..not easy

Update…….
Well here I am going on month 6th since the bomb and things are positive between my W and I. We are completely in friendship mode right now. The D is still on schedule to be finalized on September 25th.

Since the W moved on March 25th, I have been single dad with the help of my mom. I have been tearing it up in the dad department. I try to keep the kids so busy enjoying life (riding bikes, movies, baseball games, park, etc) that they don’t have time to worry about anything else. They have helped me tremendously to get me to where I am at as far as detaching. Most of my time and focus is completely on them. There isn’t much time left for myself or time to dwell on my sitch. Don’t get me wrong, my W crosses my mind often.

One of my W’s complaints was that I was an absent father. Now she has taken notice…..she has gone as far as sending me a TM saying that our kids have an amazing father this past Saturday. I did plan the entire day as a daddy/daughter date day for her upcoming birthday. Took D7 to get her hair and nails done, then to eat crab on Pier 39 and then finished at the Broadway musical Cats (I didn’t fall asleep like I did several years ago). W didn’t miss the opportunity to remind me as she was in constant contact this day.

W: You guys have had a great day….. Don’t fall asleep Dad!! Lol
M: That was a different guy from this one. This is the new mature, wide awake, Cats watching dad.
W: Good answer!!!

There were probably 40 TMs between W and I as she was excited for our D7.

W admitted that she was jealous that I was taking D7 to get her nails done. She said she hasn’t even done that. That wasn’t my intent though. My intent was to make D7 day a memorable one and she made it all worth it at dinner when she looked up at me and said, “Thanks dad” with her sweet little face. That was an emotional moment for me.

My kids are doing quite well as of right now. My D7 is in her school talent show tomorrow, S5 has an end of school year lunch on Friday, D7 has party for her 8th birthday on Saturday and then Lake Tahoe with some friends next weekend.

Another positive thing of note, W pretty much keeps me posted on her plans, even though I do not ask. I really don’t know the reason why she does it. There are a couple of reasons I can guess, but I really don’t know. I do appreciate it though.

As for the EAs she has had, the first one has been over since the beginning of January and the second one hasn’t been brought up since the end of February. I have no idea if anything has happened there.

Obviously I have no idea where the road will lead, but this whole thing has made me reflect on the things that I needed to improve on myself. Life has a way of humbling you. I have been humbled and I needed it.

I admit that I was complacent and just going through the motions before the bomb. My priorities were screwed up. Regretfully, my W did not come first. I was killing myself at work and leaving no energy for my family. I suckedd at taking care of what should have been my #1 priority. I needed a wake-up call. I am wide awake now. I realize that this process of self-improvement will be for life and I have much work to do. Life is too short not to be happy.

Do we become bitter or better from this? I choose to become better no matter what.

[~¤DG¤~]

I believe we become better in all of this.

Sounds like your an amazing Dad. Your kids are very lucky.

[2stepboogie]

LITB:

Man you are doing a MUCH better job than I did at first with the whole thing. I spent months depressed and took away from time with my D, I made work my priority to escape reality. I am getting my footing back but it has been a long process.

You on the other hand are doing exactly the right thing by keeping the kids busy and just being a great dad. The positive outlook and positive interactions has reflected in the way you W has reacted. It is important to keep the kids busy and happy during this difficult time and it looks like you are doing a great job of that.

How are you doing with the distance with your W and how are the kids taking it?

[LITB]

Sounds like your an amazing Dad. Your kids are very lucky.

Thank You DG.

How are you doing with the distance with your W and how are the kids taking it?

Thanks for asking 2step.

The kids are doing surprisingly well since the W left. They haven't said once that they want to go to NM with their mom. Not even when I've had to discipline them. My D7 has been consistent at school throughout most of this transition. Hopefully she will continue when they move. That was a big concern for me.

As for me, I have my moments. Specifically had difficult days for Easter and our anniversary. There have been a couple of other moments where I have gotten overwhelmed with the responsibilities of being a single parent. I had to remove myself to regroup. All in all, I’m doing okay since the W moved. I do miss her tremendously though.

Everything finally caught up to me this week as I was feeling worn down physically. I got some extra rest the last couple of days and now I’m ready for the birthday party tomorrow. I’m excited for the kids. My daughter has been worried about what we are going to do for entertainment. I told her not to worry, I have it covered. She will be blown away when the mobile entertainment vehicle pulls up.

Back to my sitch for a bit. One thing that I haven’t mentioned is that I wasn’t happy myself before the bomb. I was very resentful towards my MIL and I felt like my W was enabling her to not take responsibility for herself. I am not proud of the way I was acting or some of the things that I said to my W. I lost myself for about 3 months last year where I felt like I was on a raft in the middle of the ocean not living. The bomb forced me to look at myself to try to figure out what I want out of this life. I’m going to be happy despite the fact that my W doesn’t want to be M to me right now.

[♪CS♪]

LITB, so many similarities in our sitchs. You are doing great man. Keep it up and keep having fun with the kids!

[LITB]

Thanks Country!!

Update.....

Yesterday was my D7 birthday party and the whole thing turned out to be a success. Everyone from the kids to the parents had a great time. Both my D7 and S5 were surprised when the Games2u entertainment vehicle showed up

I sent my W a few pics during the party while the kids were playing. She was very complimentary on what a great party it was for our girl. I wanted to tell her that I wished she was here with us, but I didn’t. I did jump at the opportunity to plant a seed in the following string of text messages. This is after sending a pic of the kids dancing…

W: You ROCK!!!

M: Thanks mom!! I feel pretty damn good about myself.  Thank you for helping me find who I really am. I’m sorry that it took you to do what you decided to do. 

W: The babies have their Daddy back and that is what means the world to me. 

I left it at that as difficult as it was. At least she didn’t respond negatively. It is a challenge to be continuously patient at times. Overall, it was a fantastic weekend.

At the end of my last thread, I had made note that the MIL had been hospitalized. She has been diagnosed with meningitis for the second time in just under a year. That was on Tuesday. I just got off the phone with my W and it sounds like she may be in there for at least another week.

There have been many interesting things in regards to this past week with the MIL.

I was the first person she called to let me know what was going on. I don’t know if that means anything, other than I have always been there.

One of the reasons the W moved to NM was to be closer to her family. Unfortunately, they have given her limited support this week. She has been running herself ragged trying to get to work, to the hospital and do everything else. She can’t miss work, because she just started and she doesn’t have LITB anymore to help her out. Thankfully the kids are with me right now. TBH, I feel bad for her and I wish that I could be there for her. I have consistently let her know if she needs anything, to know that I am here for her.

Something that came up in our convo tonight is in regards to the sitch with her mom. Apparently my MIL told my W that she is looking to be in financial trouble. The W told her that she can live with her until she gets things in order. Hmmm, shocker!! When you enable someone to sit on their a$$ and not get their sh!t together….what do you think is gonna happen?

As some of you may know, my MIL58 was supposed to live with us for 6 months in the bay area to get a job and a place to live. She never updated a resume or looked at a job ad once. The W and I clashed big time and she has held that over my head.

I think the wife had been unhappy before this, but this helped put a nail in our marital coffin IMO. I really love and miss my W and want a new M with her. What I see is more of the same from her and the MIL. It appears the W will continue to enable her mom and I’m not sure that I want any part of that. I guess I’ll worry about it if we ever come to that bridge. First, I hope her mom regains her health and everything else falls into place.

I have to admit, I wasn’t fully detached this weekend. Time to be not so available I think. We shall see.

[LITB]

I had emailed the W several pics of the birthday party, Easter and some others of the kids yesterday. In one of the emails, the attachments didn’t make it through. The W replied to let me know. I told her that I would upload them to my photobucket account. This was her latest email:

Excellent!!! Thank you….

I just left from visiting Mom at the hospital; she had the nasal packing done today and tomorrow is the actual procedure. It looks like she won’t be going home from the hospital until this coming weekend. I feel so bad for her, she is just exhausted and still feeling some pain.

I’m leaving after work today to pick up my Aunt and A. They are going to take care of Mom while I am in TX. My flight leaves tomorrow @ 12:30pm.

I will call on my way to out or on my way back. I know you said that you may work late to take off on Thursday for D7 picnic.

The pictures have been GREAT!!!! They really have been therapeutic for me. I’m just mentally and physically exhausted. I hope to sleep on the plane tomorrow.

It sure does su*k to see someone you love and care for going through such a difficult time and there isn’t a damn thing you can do about it. I haven’t replied to this email yet. I suppose a casual friend like reply? Any suggestions?

[Redo]

LITB, your wife seems to be pretty good in her communication with you. I think you should keep this light hearted convo going. Maybe you can email back with some encouraging words on her trip.

[♪CS♪]

I'll pass on the advice I just received:

You didn't validate her feelings.

Here she has noted that she feels bad for her mom and she is exhausted. Validate those feelings.

[LITB]

Thanks for the input fellas. I'll type something up and post before I send it.