I haven't been on here for quite some time but most of you "old timers" will know who I am and what had transpired in my marriage.
Recent life has been a turmoil to say the least, and I won't get into details because it would take forever and a day to type it all.
Bottom line, H finally admitted that he never really had a sexual attraction to me right from day one - WOW, what a blow that was. After 22 years of marriage he tells me this now. He said he respected me, loved me as a good friend, thought I was intelligent, smart, pretty, would never say a bad thing about me etc. etc. but the other part just wasn't there.
The real sad part is, he thinks this is normal. He said a third level course he took in university said there was friendship love and sexual love and people have one or the other but not both. He truly believes this - how sad is that?
He said he "really missed" me and started to cry. He misses the time we spent together, doing things, talking etc. and I can't say I don't feel the same but it's like having a real great roommate (which in theory he truly was)but I am not looking for a roommate. I am looking for a MATE - one that loves EVERYTHING about me, not just some parts.
At least now I know the truth - as much as it hurts to an unbelievable depth. I know he is missing an incredible chance to have real love in his life, but I have to respect that is his decision. I need to move on with my life now
We have been separated for 8 months so there is only 4 left and I can file for divorce. Hopefully we can remain friends but he feels this might be impossible from his perspective. I guess time will tell.
Heywyre
M - 57 H - 65 1st A-bomb - Nov 27/02 2nd A-bomb - Dec 13/06 together 21 years *************************** Insanity is doing something over and over and expecting different results (Albert Einstein)
My heart goes out to you. MWD has some great advice and techniques to keep a marriage together if that is what you want to do. It sounds like you want to accept what he is saying and move on with your life.
However, don't let his words hurt you. It is quite common for someone to "rewrite history" so they can intelectually justify their current situation. I expect that is what your husband is doing. He is trying to justify why he has fallen out of love with you rather than deal with it and/or work on falling back in love with you.
Sometimes when so much damage has been done to a relationship, it is easier to just move on, however 21 years was a long time and hopefully some of it was happy times.
Good luck to you and thanks for the update. I hope that during your separation you have been working on getting a life!
>43 years of marriage--My wife and I are now closer than we have been in decades. I believe that my SSM is over.
Thank you YAH for your support but it is clear to me, that he is done with this M. I have been fighting long and hard to keep it together for 21 years of marriage (and one year together before that) without any help from his side.
I will try and must as possible to hang onto what I thought was the "good times" but when you have been told there wasn't never a sexual attraction to you, it's pretty hard to accept. It seems I can't believe anything he says, even the good stuff.
However, I am very fortunate to have good friends and family around me to support and comfort me through these times and their never-ending praise of my efforts to save this marriage has been a blessing in my life for sure.
Heywyre
M - 57 H - 65 1st A-bomb - Nov 27/02 2nd A-bomb - Dec 13/06 together 21 years *************************** Insanity is doing something over and over and expecting different results (Albert Einstein)
I wouldn't take those words too personally. They SUCK! No question about that, but love - like sex - is an "action" not a feeling. You can choose to feel sexy with someone. Really. It's silly, I think, what he's saying. And it's a cop out. Either way, I'm sorry! Big hugs and I wish you much peace and finding what you truly want - very soon!
