Hey Rabbit, Thanks for your message. I loved what you said about listening to H. I have been trying to leave him to do the talking and to lead the way (challenging for me who loves a chat and is impatiently wanting to lead it along the path I want to follow).
I have been re-reading DR and thinking through some aspects of insisting that ow is gone before I venture out of the house with H. There are definitely arguments for and against. Although I have some fears I am fairly certain that H is not trying to 'cake-eat'. He is filled with fear and quite frankly following our hours of talking I can see he wants to be certain he is making the right moves. And if I am honest I am not 100% sure of the course of action either!!
To come to watch D swim H has had to pay quite a bit for his flights and take time off work and he knows that Mum will be there so I think this says a bit about his investment. He's not come to this competition before.
H is painfully aware of the hurt he has caused my family and I know he will not want to cause any further hurt to them. So although I have set some boundaries I have also let go to some degree and I have decided to take it day by day and let H lead the way. I have discussed this with Mum and she thinks this seems to be the best option for now.
I was so happy to hear about your 'new, romantic' husband. It's so wonderful to hear. I am sure you never imagined that your relationship could have been so good Congratulations Rabbit. Your patience and determination have really paid off!!
Cas I think youre a girl after my own heart... could natter the hind legs of at least a couple of donkeys and a born organiser. Unfortunately one of my bigger mistakes was to have an H then a son, they then became my boys NO NO NO! Yes they are my boys, but one of them is my H and he always has to have standing above S.. Now believe me S isnt to fond of that and even less fond of his dad sticking up for me a lot more these days, before he never bothered to get between me and S arguing (were too alike). But because I dont go off my rocker at everything these days, H takes me far more seriously when I do. The other night S (23) got too gobby hes dinner was about a inch from the dustbin beleive me.. he stormed off into the lounge to eat after H said he'd got it wrong and misheard me but S carried on digging.. Before I would have left my dinner and continued the argument till I won.. no dinner with H took priority S sulked then came out of the room on the pretext of emptying the dishwasher which I'd asked him to do before dinner.. He knew he was out of order as he unloaded and loaded the dinner things lol!
BUT the biggest thing I had to get to H to understand was I could only change me, if he wanted something different he HAD to say, and if he dithered on things he got kindly reminded he had made my life hell for six months to get this freedom of speech so he'd better use it..
IF and Im only sumising here hun! Your H never felt heard, its gonna take a long time for him to get used to wanting to be heard. Hes not gonna dive in saying I want this and that, this is where you can give him choices so we can do A or B and then ask or have you got a C idea to H. This you can lead in which will help you a little in feeling you have input. You do but you must use it very carefully, the tricky bit is staying honest to yourself, so if you feel you are doing some thing to just keep him happy which doesnt feel true to you, time for gentle negotiation. And that doesnt mean girlie negotiation where we end up stitching H up to do what we want we all know how to do that lol, but true compromise.
Anyway I have wiffled long enough I have a huge pile of shopping to put away which I must get too, hope you are having a lovely weekend x
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W 47 H 47 M 24 T 30
Once lost but now found and happily married again!
I'm so glad you hear you sounding so grounded!!!!!!!!.......and Rabbit has a way of dishing out exhortations that have a way of helping you to understand exactly what she is suggesting you do while giving you a fun mental image so that it doesn't seem like such drudgery.
Originally Posted By: Lost Rabbit
Cas I think youre a girl after my own heart... could natter the hind legs of at least a couple of donkeys and a born organiser.
Cas, I would really LOVE to see you "natter the hind legs of at least a couple of donkeys"!!!!!!!!!! ......then at least I'd know what that ^^^^^ means. Cas, I'm sure you'd do a FINE job. I can't take the chance of disagreeing with Rabbit. She might retaliate by "nattering" MY hind legs!
Rabbit, I always LOVE to read your posts. I love your common sense and humorous approach.
Cas, thank you VERY much for your thoughtful reply on my thread. I didn't sleep well last night. I have brunch plans with a friend, but I plan to stop by X-MIL's on the way to the restaurant to check on X-MIL and to drop off some fruit for XH to snack on if he wants.
Rabbit, for your gems I thank you! You always give me so much to digest. I am thinking through what you have had to say and how I best apply this information. It's given me some wonderful food for thought and made me consider alternatives to silence on my part. Thank you!
GAG, hello! we were obviously posting at the same time. Rabbit has the best expressions!! "Nattering the hind legs off a couple of donkeys" is her way of saying we love a chat!! We might alternatively say that one can talk the legs off a table.
You are so considerate in your plans to visit XMIL and leave fruit for XH. As I said before, keep thinking about you as well. Hope your brunch helps provide you with the reprieve you need. Enjoy!
Congratulations Rabbit. Your patience and determination have really paid off!!
